Defending against negativity
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
Defending against negativity
I found this link via a friend today and thought I would share it's simple and effective advice.
I think it is important to find constructive ways to "defend oneself".
My ex recently stepped through my permeable border.
I realized that, no surprise, buried in the "beautifully remorseful" language that he seems to find at around his grandiose month two of not using...and that in the past I have always been willing to engage in...that buried in there is always some "hook" and I realize what it is...I have always got caught in the insane dance when I try to defend my own character and being against the negativity with which he accuses me.
re: when he starts to say, in the "kindest" manner that he really wants to talk, that he is so sorry and that he wants us to be able to speak and invite in "love and compassion" as a balm to fear...
he uses his insight into languages of recovery, psychology, spirituality and poetry (languages that I love, and that we shared in our "romance")
THAT is manipulation. Our relationship eventually drained me of love and compassion. until I started to feel insane, and disregard my own being, and doubted my own heart and spirit.
I am still tenderly caring to my wounds, and wading through the pit, and re-energizing my spirit.
He knows that love and compassion are my greatest ideals and that, though imperfect as any human is, I strive to work my program, live with a spiritual consciousness and walk my talk. He knows that my theology, the spiritual workshops I do in recovery, and my longstanding hope and love for him held deep pockets of compassion.
He knows that to make any sort of subtle "attack" on my capacity for compassion is one old trick that would draw me back in and keep the wheels spinning. Deep down he knows this, even if when he is clean he feels some emotion and sympathy and love for me...his 20 year long trek of addiction KNOWS the ***** in the armor. His addict, the insidious evil crack mongering addict (who at two months is NOT GONE) knows that "compassion" is the golden key. Yes...it WAS.
I realize now that all the blame spreading and accusation of a "lack of compassion", "giving up on love", "turning my back on hope" is projection from a twisted, manipulative addict mind. When it combines with my loneliness, and desire for intimacy, my lost hopes, my grief, and my own addictive edge...that combination spells R E L A P S E.
I will NOT defend myself against HIS negativity.
I WILL defend against negativity.
This link is a simple outline.
I will NOT defend myself against the blame and shame he tries to spread on to me in his attempts to regain what is lost.
I will continue letting go.
Realizing that I kept trying to defend myself against an addicts negativity, and that I GET TO let it go...is a relief...and I keep learning more as I go forward.
10 Ways to Defend Yourself Against Negativity
I think it is important to find constructive ways to "defend oneself".
My ex recently stepped through my permeable border.
I realized that, no surprise, buried in the "beautifully remorseful" language that he seems to find at around his grandiose month two of not using...and that in the past I have always been willing to engage in...that buried in there is always some "hook" and I realize what it is...I have always got caught in the insane dance when I try to defend my own character and being against the negativity with which he accuses me.
re: when he starts to say, in the "kindest" manner that he really wants to talk, that he is so sorry and that he wants us to be able to speak and invite in "love and compassion" as a balm to fear...
he uses his insight into languages of recovery, psychology, spirituality and poetry (languages that I love, and that we shared in our "romance")
THAT is manipulation. Our relationship eventually drained me of love and compassion. until I started to feel insane, and disregard my own being, and doubted my own heart and spirit.
I am still tenderly caring to my wounds, and wading through the pit, and re-energizing my spirit.
He knows that love and compassion are my greatest ideals and that, though imperfect as any human is, I strive to work my program, live with a spiritual consciousness and walk my talk. He knows that my theology, the spiritual workshops I do in recovery, and my longstanding hope and love for him held deep pockets of compassion.
He knows that to make any sort of subtle "attack" on my capacity for compassion is one old trick that would draw me back in and keep the wheels spinning. Deep down he knows this, even if when he is clean he feels some emotion and sympathy and love for me...his 20 year long trek of addiction KNOWS the ***** in the armor. His addict, the insidious evil crack mongering addict (who at two months is NOT GONE) knows that "compassion" is the golden key. Yes...it WAS.
I realize now that all the blame spreading and accusation of a "lack of compassion", "giving up on love", "turning my back on hope" is projection from a twisted, manipulative addict mind. When it combines with my loneliness, and desire for intimacy, my lost hopes, my grief, and my own addictive edge...that combination spells R E L A P S E.
I will NOT defend myself against HIS negativity.
I WILL defend against negativity.
This link is a simple outline.
I will NOT defend myself against the blame and shame he tries to spread on to me in his attempts to regain what is lost.
I will continue letting go.
Realizing that I kept trying to defend myself against an addicts negativity, and that I GET TO let it go...is a relief...and I keep learning more as I go forward.
10 Ways to Defend Yourself Against Negativity
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
I realize now that all the blame spreading and accusation of a "lack of compassion", "giving up on love", "turning my back on hope" is projection from a twisted, manipulative addict mind. When it combines with my loneliness, and desire for intimacy, my lost hopes, my grief, and my own addictive edge...that combination spells R E L A P S E.
I just recently figured that out myself, it was hard for me to swallow but I get it.
I just recently figured that out myself, it was hard for me to swallow but I get it.
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