Any grandma's out there caring for your grandchild?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 24
Any grandma's out there caring for your grandchild?
Just wondering how any of you have handled the situation. Human Services has placed my beautiful 11 month grandson with me while his mom (my daughter) supposedly works on her recovery. She was court ordered to treatment, although it hasn't happened yet. I know that I should not be continually pushing her to get into treatment, we all know that doesn't work.
But I'm also VERY concerned about my grandson losing touch with his mama.
She does come to visit him - not as often as she should though. Her addiction is running her life right now. I know at some point she will regret this time away from him because I know she loves this little guy.
I took it upon myself to research how living in a home with an addicted parent affects a child's entire life. Printed off the info and gave it to her - hoping at least that part will sink in. She read it, and told me that she is more determined than ever to get clean and make a life for her and her son. I saw a glimmer of hope in that statement coming from her. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place! I know addicts do not begin recovery until THEY are ready. But as each week goes by - I see this little guy missing his mom more and more. She is also missing out on all of his "first's" His first words, his first time to stand up - everything! It's just the most horrible, helpless feeling I have ever felt! Never would I have thought my daughter or myself would be in this position. I previously had been calling/texting her daily to fill her in on baby. After I found SR, I decided that if she really wants to see how her son is doing, then she knows she can come here to see him anytime. So I have limited the info I share with her. This is sooooo hard!
But I'm also VERY concerned about my grandson losing touch with his mama.
She does come to visit him - not as often as she should though. Her addiction is running her life right now. I know at some point she will regret this time away from him because I know she loves this little guy.
I took it upon myself to research how living in a home with an addicted parent affects a child's entire life. Printed off the info and gave it to her - hoping at least that part will sink in. She read it, and told me that she is more determined than ever to get clean and make a life for her and her son. I saw a glimmer of hope in that statement coming from her. I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place! I know addicts do not begin recovery until THEY are ready. But as each week goes by - I see this little guy missing his mom more and more. She is also missing out on all of his "first's" His first words, his first time to stand up - everything! It's just the most horrible, helpless feeling I have ever felt! Never would I have thought my daughter or myself would be in this position. I previously had been calling/texting her daily to fill her in on baby. After I found SR, I decided that if she really wants to see how her son is doing, then she knows she can come here to see him anytime. So I have limited the info I share with her. This is sooooo hard!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Grammy, there are many here who are raising their grandchildren and one very special lady named Dev/Devastated who is raising her lovely great-granddaughter.
God bless the grandma's (and grandpas) who take in these dear children and give them a safe environment with lots of love and help them deal with addicted parents.
And God bless the child.
Hugs
God bless the grandma's (and grandpas) who take in these dear children and give them a safe environment with lots of love and help them deal with addicted parents.
And God bless the child.
Hugs
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
I'm only experiencing the tip of that iceberg right now with my two baby grandsons. They are 3 yrs. old & 1 yr. old. My son is their daddy & very close to them.
His wife, their mother, had to go to work to support them because my son cannot hold down a job. She would leave the babies with him, but one night he passed out from Meth use & left them unsupervised with food in the oven that was about to catch on fire. So many other details of course.
So now I have them whenever she has to be gone. Son is not trustworthy to keep them safe. He is mad of course, that we are keeping his babies from him, but it is for their own safety.
She has different shifts continually so it feels like they are here most of the time. I am not in good health & I'm exhausted all of the time.
I would love to have a copy of the print out that you gave your daughter.
I'm so sorry that you are having to watch this & deal with this heart-breaking stuff with your daughter, but mostly with your grandbaby.
His wife, their mother, had to go to work to support them because my son cannot hold down a job. She would leave the babies with him, but one night he passed out from Meth use & left them unsupervised with food in the oven that was about to catch on fire. So many other details of course.
So now I have them whenever she has to be gone. Son is not trustworthy to keep them safe. He is mad of course, that we are keeping his babies from him, but it is for their own safety.
She has different shifts continually so it feels like they are here most of the time. I am not in good health & I'm exhausted all of the time.
I would love to have a copy of the print out that you gave your daughter.
I'm so sorry that you are having to watch this & deal with this heart-breaking stuff with your daughter, but mostly with your grandbaby.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 24
Thanks Ann.
Nina- it seems the children suffer most. Makes me cry everytime I see the sadness in my grandson's eyes when his mama leaves. I love the little guy sooo much! My friends & family tell me - he will be fine because he has his grandparent. It's NOT the same at all! This child will likely deal with feelings of abandonment his entire life. Not only due to his mom's addiction, but his dad died of an overdose just 3 months ago.
SO I just keep showing him all the love and stability I can, as I'm sure you do as well.
Yes, it is exhausting. I am planning to retire at the end of the year. I envy all the " normal" grandma's with grandkids living in normal homes- not having to deal with all the drama addiction brings into our lives.
Enough complaining from me, lol. Hug your grandkids- they are so fortunate to have you
Nina- it seems the children suffer most. Makes me cry everytime I see the sadness in my grandson's eyes when his mama leaves. I love the little guy sooo much! My friends & family tell me - he will be fine because he has his grandparent. It's NOT the same at all! This child will likely deal with feelings of abandonment his entire life. Not only due to his mom's addiction, but his dad died of an overdose just 3 months ago.
SO I just keep showing him all the love and stability I can, as I'm sure you do as well.
Yes, it is exhausting. I am planning to retire at the end of the year. I envy all the " normal" grandma's with grandkids living in normal homes- not having to deal with all the drama addiction brings into our lives.
Enough complaining from me, lol. Hug your grandkids- they are so fortunate to have you
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 71
i just got temp guardianship of my 4 year old granddaughter in the last few weeks....my AD has started daily outpatient treatment, but, i'm still not convinced she is really ready to do this...since she is still refusing to go into longer term treatment (excuses)....plus right now I have a restraining order due to all the issues. So right now she is not allowed contact with the child, which is probably for the best until she has more time clean under her belt.
My granddaughter is the light of my life, she is doing well, occasionally asks about Mommy and/or Daddy - my response has been that they are sick and trying to get help, that when they get better, they will be able to see her.
AD has said she is missing her daughter, but, I know she needs to be clean to be her Mom....
This is VERY hard, and heartbreaking as the Mom and the grandma....
hugs to you and yours.
My granddaughter is the light of my life, she is doing well, occasionally asks about Mommy and/or Daddy - my response has been that they are sick and trying to get help, that when they get better, they will be able to see her.
AD has said she is missing her daughter, but, I know she needs to be clean to be her Mom....
This is VERY hard, and heartbreaking as the Mom and the grandma....
hugs to you and yours.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 24
Elphie- It's just so heartbreaking. I will continue to pray for all of our grandchildren as well as our addict children. It's just so very hard to understand how they could possibly do this to their babies. I'm giving that over to God as it's out of my control.
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