Farfalla

My AH was arrested last night and charged with a DUI. His license was already suspended when they picked him up and he also was in his vehicle with an expired inspection sticker. We got the call from the police at 3:38am he needed someone to pick him up as they were also impounding his car. The officer also stated they believe he was under the influence of drugs but can't give him a urine or blood drug screen. My AH already has a court hearing on Aug 15 for operating a motor vehicle in possession of a Controlled Dangerous Substance. Now he has cour on Aug 14 for this DUI.

I am struggling with to call or not call his parents. I am sure they know how he is spiraling downhill but are choosing to either be in denial or turn a blind eye.

I just don't know.

Any ESH? My sponsor says absolutely do NOT call his parents and to mind my own business.

Hugs.
Marlene

suki44883

My two cents worth: None of this is your problem and none of it is the problem of his parents. This is all HIS problem, so let him figure it out.

Kindeyes

For what it's worth......I'd gently suggest that you listen to your sponsor.

gentle hugs
ke

outtolunch

Did someone pick him up at 3:38 AM?

Farfalla

our daughter picked him up.

outtolunch

Sorry to hear that she continues to allow herself to be manipulated by her dad.

He was loaded and driving a lethal weapon.

PaperDolls

I'm not suggesting you don't' take your sponsors advice but I think it depends on why you want to call his parents. I would guess most parents would want to know that their child is sick.

Take this with a grain of salt .... I do not have this specific experience. I'm just sorry you and your daughter are going through this.

Farfalla

I feel maybe they can intervene. Maybe a part of me feels like why are we burdened with all this and they live so peaceful. Maybe a part of me knows my daughter is going back to school and can't supervise my son's visits with his dad so maybe his parents can step in. However, my sponsor also pointed out on that last point maybe him seeing my son is just not a good idea right now anyway at least until he gets clean. I know it is his choice to seek recovery or not. His bottom, his business. I am torn.

suki44883

His parents cannot help him any more than you can. You can live peaceful, too, by refusing to take on his problems. Focus on what is best for you and your son and allow your estranged husband to figure out how to handle his problems. Again, they are HIS problems, not yours.

I agree with your sponsor regarding your son and visitation. Protect your son at all costs.

PaperDolls

I should have added ..... if you want to tell his parents so they can 'save' him, then no. May be they are able to 'live peacefully' because they have been able to detach. It ain't easy but it is possible and rewarding.

crazybabie

I am sure they know how he is spiraling downhill but are choosing to either be in denial or turn a blind eye.

Did you ever think maybe they have detached? Detaching is NOT being in denial or turning a blind eye.

My guess is with the two charges he will do some jail time take that time too really work on you.

Farfalla

Thank you all for the inspiring posts. I know there is nothing anyone can do to change the situation. I need to STEP BACK and HANDS OFF! Sometimes I start to slip and coming here and posting and reading the feedback of strength is so helpful. It is his progression in the disease. When these thoughts pop into my head such as calling his parents I am becoming aware it is ME struggling with letting go and control.
Hugs.
Marlene