Jur123

My relatives always "remind" me that I should take care of my addicted sister. I think that is one of the reasons that I'm codependent. How do you guys deal with such situations?

BeavsDad

You end up having to have a conversation with said relatives and establish boundaries there as well. If they are allowed to, they will guilt you just like an addict will.

They are trying to control you. You are trying to control her.

Boundaries on both ends help you step out of the middle.

interrupted

I am in the exact same boat. I am handling it by enforcing not only the boundaries I have set with my sister, but now also the boundaries that I have set with my mother, who in her codependency often blames me for my sister's choices and as such believes I have some responsibility to do something. (What? I have no idea.)

I will not support my sister's drug use in any way. And I will not engage in the ongoing enmeshment and codependent drama between my sister and my mother. This is difficult, and I frequently have to cut conversation with my mother short because my sister is almost all anybody knows how to talk about anymore, but it is the healthy thing for me to do for myself right now while I handle my own feelings of guilt about the whole situation and focus on changing my life in the positive ways that I am capable of doing.

I originally joined trying to figure out how to handle the anger and hurt that I was feeling over my mother and her enabling. It turns out I don't have to tell her what I'm doing or why I'm doing it. I don't have to engage, period. When I enter those confrontational conversations with her I feel hurt and angry so I choose not to enter those conversations. You might think I should have realized that given that I am 35!

I found a ton of resources here, and I also am finding out a lot about myself and my feelings that I've been suppressing for a long time. It's hard and sad sometimes but it's also really freeing and I am more positive about the future than I have been in a long time.

I slip up, everyone does, but this is the direction I'm running as fast as I can.

Welcome to the forum!!

outtolunch

Well said.

LuvMySis

Jur, my situation is also similar to yours. Although I didn't communicate clearly with my sister what my boundaries were, I didn't have any problem telling my mother. She clearly tries to make excuses for my sister, while expecting me to have nerves of steel dealing with her. I did it her way for many years. Then I came to this forum, read just about every F&F post I could, and realized I didn't have to do it their way any more.

So, I would say that when you get clarity about just exactly what you are responsible for when it comes to your sister, that's when you'll be able to draw some boundaries. It's hard to do until you feel good about your decision.