Ilovemysonjj

Hi SR family, I haven't seen evidence or heard from the son since a post on his Facebook on 27th where he added a new friend. I am sad today and I dreamed of him last night.
I realize there is NOTHING good that comes from worrying and he is capable of surviving.

Is there a phrase or a word that has helped others in their initial times of no contact? I am looking for all of your Experience Support and Help to give me those tidbits that help me let go.

Love
Teresa

Kindeyes

T
I do understand those days that are full of worry, anxiety about their well being, and sadness.

There are so many things that help me get through those days or moments when the thoughts of my lost son are so heavy on my heart.

The most powerful imagery that I use is that life is so....unexpected. We never know what person, place or event could be the "thing" that provides an awakening for our sons. With me "out of the way" so to speak, I believe that that person, place or thing has a greater opportunity to find my son. I choose to call that faith.

For a very long time I held on to my son because I thought his life depended on it (how's that for an ego?). So as I broke that habit the slogan "Let go or be dragged" become my mantra.

Once I realized that I had to let go and let God......or be dragged....I understood why I hadn't done it sooner. Simply because I didn't want to. I wasn't ready. It was an option that was not even on my radar. Unacceptable.

My son's behaviors and addiction caused me significant heartache and, just like my AXH, until the pain of being around him became GREATER than the pain of not being around him.....I was holding on. I didn't have a "problem"......I simply had a solution that I didn't like and wasn't ready for........

I pray each day. I ask God to deliver my love to my son because I cannot do it in person. I can't think of a better "deliveryman".

You and your dear son are in my prayers today.

gentle hugs
ke

Vale

I agree with Kindeyes....."let go or be dragged".
But this mess has caused an old agnostic like me to pray every day
(a miracle in and of itself)

"Please,God.Wherever she is,and in whatever her condition---please look
after her and take care of her in this life or the next."

Ilovemysonjj

Thank you All. Each message is heartfelt and helping.
Love
T

cangel2

When my son crosses my mind and I am flooded with worry.....I close my eyes and send him an "I love you". Then I take a few moments to breath and feel what is going on inside me. Sometimes this makes me cry, yell or smile - I never know. Then I let go of it after acknowledging the feelings.

Sorry you are having a tough day!!

Pock89

"Hands off the addict" is definitely my mantra for tough days.

tjp613

I agree with cangel2 -- I try to remember that "All Is Well". Everything is just as it is meant to be. God is in charge and he loves my AS even more than I do.

The other little mantra that I absolutely love is: "Everything will be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end."

I hope you can find a measure of serenity today. (((Hugs)))

Ilovemysonjj

Thank you Cangel, Pock and tjp613. I so need to reinforce that message.
Everything is okay, its just my perception because my fix is gone.
I totally get it.
Just hard because of my deep undying love for JJ.

whaty

I have a good friend that is a recovered alcoholic and heroin addict. He has been clean for 25 years and is a wonderful man. He told me that when he was living that lifestyle his mother told him she liked it when he didn't live at home because she could imagine that he was somewhere sleeping at night instead of out somewhere with her expecting him home and worrying about him. So that is what I do when we are out of touch, I imagine him in a good situation, staying with one of his old (good) friends or getting help somewhere.

Of course he is now in jail. He hasn't tried to call in the past two days so I feel like I've lost my connection with him even though we never spoke. I have been so out of it that I forgot a very important person's milestone birthday yesterday.

whaty

crazybabie

I often find comfort during such times I will pray to God and vision big strong hands while visioning the hands I pray God take my son and place him in your loving hands and let your will be done. I do that with each of my children then my husband and then myself.

I then feel an inner peace and comfort and fall asleep.

spensta

Thank you so much for posting. I am new to this site and am in the same situation. I appreciate your honesty and all the wisdom that followed as a result of your post.

LoveMeNow

I was told of this image and it really does give me peace. Picture yourself wrapping your son in a baby blanket and handing him over to God. (I use just God's hands) And picture the powerful white shining down on your son. The ask God to keep to keep him safe. show him the way and acknowledge you are getting out of His way. Sometimes, I have to say that a few times and suddenly I will feel peace.

God knows your heart, he knows your paiin and He wants to comfort you. Let him!

Sunshine2

I agree with everyone to place your son in God's hands and know all is well, no matter how it appears on the surface.

Another little saying I love goes something like "the only thing certain about life is... it goes on".

Sunshine2

I just remembered another quote I love: Everything happens for me and not to me.

I think this is so true. Years ago my brother committed suicide. I was devastated as we were very close. Now, 15 years later I can see what a gift that was and how it helped me grow as a person. I think our children's addiction might also be a gift, we may just not see how yet.

Tinks65

T
I remember once when my son was lost in active addiction and I didn't know where he was or if I'd ever see him again I noticed that a dear friend of mine had posted this status on her FB "praying for a lost boy" and one of her friends commented "those are the ones Jesus goes after" .... the truth of those words brought a flood of tears and great comfort to my heart

LoveMeNow

WOW Tinks65 - awesome post and so true.

My prayers go out to all our loved ones who are lost or struggling with addiction and for the all of us who love them so very much.

I ask God to please help all addicts to seek you and asked to be healed. Please restore their minds and hearts. I ask this in the name of Jesus. For we know...Alll things are possible in Christ who strengthens us.

tjp613

Thank you for that LoveMeNot... My AS needs special prayers today as he enters rehab for the third time.

FindingJoy

Well I got to put a few mantras into practice tonight:

We must save ourselves before we can help others

Me worrying or circling the drain will not help me or him

Its time to save my self and that's ok

Ilovemysonjj

I am praying for all of our loved ones. I thank God and Jesus for unlimited love and peace for all of us who seek it. I thank Him for revealing His love and glory. I am leaving my son with God and I realize that peace is there for me, I just have to believe.
Love and Grace are there and even happiness.
I thank God and Jesus for taking the pain and giving the joy.
Teresa

LoveMeNow

Amen Teresa

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11