KelleyF

I rather agree with this philosophy, and I personally dont subscribe to statistics. There are a couple of things that have not been mentioned; that I would like to suggest. First, I think a persons history has a lot to do with drug addiction. There those that have grown up under the influence of addiction, abuse ,etc. and it was somewhat engrained in their life. I think for these people it is much harder to break an addiction as there are so many underlying issues promting the use. I also think there are people that turn to drugs and become addicted unwittingly. Such as hooked on pain meds after a legitimate injury, etc. I think one key factor in being done for a lot of people ... is healing the underlying cause of why they took up using in the first place, and why they couldnt / didnt want to stop.
That to me is where the time and work of recovery should focus.

LoveMeNow

My husband came from a wonderful family, he became addicted to pain meds after a several dental surgeries.

We had a thriving business, a nice home, a great marriage and family. We took nice vacations and had lots of friends.

Today, His own family doesn't speak to him, his kids want nothing to with him, we lost all our savings and will now probably lose our home. I want a divorce, he isn't living here and he has lost many of his friends.

Addiction is Addiction! I don't think there are too many shades of gray. It does not discriminate! IMO, I fooled myself with that kind of thinking far too long!

suki44883

As far as the friends and family go, it doesn't really matter why the person became addicted. What matters is that it is destroying the life of the loved one in addition to destroying the life of the addict themselves. The whole what are the underlying causes of your addiction is something the addict needs to deal with. It is irrelevant to the spouse, significant other, child, mother, father, sibling or other family member. They have to save their own sanity and let the addict figure out the cause of the addiction themselves.

Vale

I,too have done alot of research about REAL recovery rates---in the real world
(NOT someone trying to sell you a $70K rehab).....like all numbers,they can ALL
be "played to suit the listener".
"Train crash, X number lived, Y number died"....does it really tell the full picture?
How many burn victims,how many para/quadra-plegics,how many in a permanent
vegetative state? How many hearts still beating 24 hrs after the crash does not tell
the full story,does it?
I kept running into the 10% number over and over.It scared the crap out of me.

It still does.....

crazybabie

Not kind of whack at all I just blew a 2 month quit and am starting over when I found out hubby is using again last night. Smoking needed to clarify i personally see nicotine as a legal drug which I am addicted to. No offense.

Ann

The better question, I think, is "If I don't let go, what happens to ME?"

I almost died trying to save my son. His addiction almost killed "me".

And even if it had killed me, it still would not have saved him...because he is not mine to save. Only he can save himself.

Instead of living in fear, for him and for myself, I began living in faith, that one day he would find a better path and find his own way home. Any time my faith wavers, I look at some good people here, and a few forums up, who beat the odds and found sobriety and live it every day. That, is living in the solution.

"Let go or be dragged" is an old saying here, and one that described exactly how is it for most of us who think that anything we do or don't do, say or don't say, will make them change. If love could bring them sobriety, not one of us would be here.

Special hugs today to all those double winners here who inspire my faith every day.

Hugs

outtolunch

No one knows because it's impossible to track.

Most addicts do not go to rehab. Despite this, some get and stay clean. The SR forum has many in long- term recovery who never went to rehab or had professional treatment. Some used 12 steps and some have not.

Some rehabs track former guests for a period of 2-5 years. This is generally limited to phone contact between the rehab ( or outside agency) and the former guest. The inability to make contact does not mean the former guest has relapsed. The ability to make contact does not mean that sobriety has been maintained.

AA/NA by its nature is anonymous and no one is tracking anyone.

Back in the early 60's, UCLA began a 33 year study and sampled about 600 male heroin addicts between the ages of 18-45. Based on this study about 40 % tested clean for heroin for 5 or more years. Testing clean for heroin does not mean that the sample group was clean of all substances or that the sample group did not continue a pattern of sobrierty and relapse.

Heroin is substantially more potent and cheaper now than it was back then. I am not aware of long term studies for other hard drugs, pain pills, cocaine and by products and Meth.

Thlayli

I was going to respond similarly to outtolunch. I'll add to what was said that it is also difficult (impossible?) to track because everyone involved has to agree on the definition of "alcoholic" or "addict." I've known people who had serious substance-related problems that I would call addiction who have never considered themselves "addicts". None that I know of have been to rehab and some have recovered some have not. How would you track these people?

I say don't get too discouraged by statistics because they can be very limited.

lightseeker

Addiction is a cunning and wiley disease as they say.....I've known people that have stayed sober for decades and then go back out. Others stay a life time. It all boils down to making a daily commitment....all we have is today.

I understand how difficult it is to leave a relationship. I left my husband last May and it's been a long, hard road. BUT I can promise you that if you hold on it's going to get better. I feel like my door was 98% closed for the last year but that last 2% really tore and pulled at me. It's only been for the last 3 weeks that I finally have reached the 100% place. And I'm grateful that it's finally detachment with love (or at least kind thoughts).

The more that I step back the more I see how the whole process that my husband was in destroyed me. I don't think that there is an easy way to do it but having support really makes a difference.

One of the thoughts that helped me to take it one day at a time was to tell myself that all I was deciding was that I did not want a relationship with someone that wasn't in recovery. If things changed with him and he demonstrated a track record then maybe I'd reconsider.... As they say in AA, you don't have to worry about not drinking for the rest of your life...only for today. I took that approach while I adjusted and worked through the situation. And now, feel that I have let go. I'm still sad but it's different.

I definitely felt that I went through a physical detox. Glad that you are posting and hope that you keep hanging in there.

LoveMeNow

Anvilhead, when I first read your reply I thought I "no, no, no - that's not what I meant. You're taking it too literally. I just meant of course I will always be concerned about his well being, but not at expense of myself"

24 hrs later -

Damn you Anvilhead (lol) - you knew exactly what I meant even before I did. It's scary how well you know me! In so many ways, you know ME better than I know myself. Don't give up on me, I will get this!

Someday, I hope we can sit back and have a great laugh at all of this. IMO, you have to be able to laugh at yourself, it lets go of so much pain and stress. I have given you lots to work with.

LoveMeNow

Thank You LightSeeker - (((hugs)))

Vale

The emotional battle,so well known to us all.
"The statistics don't apply,not to the addict I am concerned about!"
In this case,I don't believe RELIABLE statistics truly exist---not in the
hard-science sense.

I felt in a double bind.I know the statistics apply to her (anything
else is just Pollyanna talk).....-AND- No reliable numbers exist.

Thanks,Ann---for the "let go or be dragged"(THAT'S a keeper!)

LoveMeNow

I was really wasn't looking for stats...just opinions from people with experience. Thank you all for your input. Bottom line, addiction is just ugly.

I can understand why and how a mother or a father must hang on to hope when it comes to their child with a drug or alcohol problem.

But as a wife of an addict....it was "hope" that kept me hanging on. Hope and fear in my codependent mind became very distorted. I no longer have hope for His recovery and much of my fear is gone. And for me, that's a good thing.

Chino

I let go of hope as a mom; it kept me hanging on, too. I think it was last year when I realized that I had already replaced it with faith. It wasn't a conscious decision and I couldn't even tell you how it happened, I only know it was before my daughter chose recovery. Sometime last year, Freedom posted something about letting go of hope, replacing it with faith, and it rang true for me.

I don't have faith in any one person, I have faith in something bigger than I can possibly imagine. I have faith that my world will be as it is, and I will survive and thrive.

Vale

"Bottom line, addiction is just ugly."

LoveMe Not gets my vote for the quote of the day!