greeteachday

When I first started working on recovery and going to Naranon meetings, I thought it was really weird that people would tell me to "do something nice for yourself" or "what have you done for you?" Why would I want to? Why should I? My normally typical life was now a crazy mess, my world had turned upside down and the amazing young lady that was my daughter was suddenly a stranger to me, disguised by drugs.

It took awhile, but it finally clicked. My "normal" personality was a people pleaser...a person who spent her life allowing herself to be defined by those around her. That spiraled out of control once addiction came into my life and I, without realizing it because I was not doing it in an assertive way (and I somehow associated controlling with assertive), was doing everything imaginable to control it; to keep my daughter from using, to cushion her fall. There was no way I was going to start getting better until I shifted my focus from her to me.

I had no idea how to do that, but those little lessons of doing something for myself helped me to learn how. Spending some time with nature when i normally would be "helping" her in some way...going for a long walk or a run, coming here and reading and posting..yes even a bubble bath. Anything to shift that focus and stop that endless need to control that made me a very sick person. Little things like that helped me take those first steps in working on me instead of constantly trying to change others. It wasn't selfish, as I thought it was at first..it was introducing me to self care.

Kindeyes

I remember the first time I stepped into an Al-Anon meeting. I couldn't speak....I just sat there and cried. I had no idea MY life was out of control at all.....I was convinced that it was my son's life that was spiraling. And it was.....but I was right there with him trying desperately to change the path he was making for himself....placing road blocks to detour him.....anything.

After the meeting, a lady walked up to me and asked "What are you going to do for you today?" I'm sure the expression on my face said something like "I'm going to watch the horns grow out of your head for asking me such a stupid question". But instead I said "ummmm....I'm going to clean my house?" She smiled and said "No....I mean what are you going to do for you." I still didn't get it.

But I remember it, don't I? And now I do get it. That little question eventually changed my perspective on myself and others around me. I will be eternally grateful to that lady for asking me such a simple and direct question.....and when I feel blue I say "ke, what are you going to do for yourself today?" and it motivates me to do something nice for me.

Thanks for sharing greateachday. There's a lot of healing in a bubble bath, a manicure, a movie, a long walk, nature, dog breath, etc. (ok.....only dog lovers will get the dog breath thing).

gentle hugs
ke

Chino

When I first came here, I didn't understand the suggestions to do such simple things. Bubble baths, mani's and pedi's, getting my hair done, etc, were all things I've always done for myself. But the more I read, I began to see those things - and many others - were past tense in my life. They stopped when my RAD's addiction was in full swing.

Those suggestions were probably the first real clue I had, that I had lost myself.

Windmills

Love this.
Just taking an hour at the end of the day to read or catch up on a tv show or sit in my garden with a magazine and a cigarette or even just to straighten my hair and do a quick skin care routine. All little things I do for me. I don't get to do any of those things during the day as I have a 23 month old whirlwind to take care of, and I certainly didn't do any of them when I lived with my ex. All my free time was spent worrying!

Ann

I remember an old timer here (JT) talking about how good it felt to relax in a Calgon bubble bath...and I remember thinking, "but what if the phone rings and my son NEEDS something." Really, that's what I thought and I always took an early morning bath instead. I was so busy trying to control the chaos that was my world at the time, I would panic at the thought of taking some time out...just for me.

My sponsor, a she-devil with a heart of gold, MADE me do something for myself, lol. She actually gave me a list of suggestions and I had to tell her the next week how many I had done and for how long. Take a long walk in nature, play some classical music and read a good book that will give your mind a rest, have a manicure or pedicure or better yet, both, and meet a friend for lunch, light a candle and really think about a prayer, don't just ramble one off...these were some of the things on her list.

And most of all I remember how very good it felt when I finally could take an entire day for myself. Who knew that was allowed? I didn't see it in the Codie handbook. Today nothing connects me more with serenity, peace and God than to take a long walk in nature, using my camera to capture the beauty so I can enjoy it long after the walk is over.

Thank you Greet for the reminder that self-care is not selfish, it's part of staying healthy and taking good care of ourselves.

Hugs

itsanewday2011

This is a great thread. I was feeling guilty because I am getting a pedicure w/ a girlfriend today during my daughter's visit with her dad this Easter Sunday. Seems like a weird thing to do (feeling like I am being somewhat selfish) on Easter, but it is something for ME. I rarely do that.

Thanks for the encouragement for self-care.

Have a blessed day everyone.

hope213

thank you all of you!! i needed this post to remind me. i have stopped enableing my son & my grandson but i rarely ever do anything for just me anymore. i think i will start again.funny how u can just get caught up in life & other people. i need to do something for me.

steelmagnolia

It's great when someone listens...and then...it works! Good love, mags

CatsPajamas

OH my dear friends - I needed this today! I have been feeling the stress of helping my friend whose BF died on Friday. Even though I know my boundaries and know about self care - it's a good reminder even in the midst of this terrible tragedy to take some time for ME.

Today I will get a manicure at lunch in preparation for a trip.... and will take the time to relax and recharge. Thanks for the reminder!

Loneywife

Yay for pedicures (and walks and haircuts and tea and baths).

I try to do 1 thing nice for myself at least once a week.