DailyPeace

My 26 year old son can be an amazing, caring, wonderful person and Dad. He has 7 year old twins. He has been out of work for almost a year and got a DUI in September 2011. He has severe anxiety so bad that he calls ambulances because he thinks he can't breath. He found that the anxiety meds and alcohol proved to be the "cure" for his anxiety - at least some of the time.

In November his drinking/drugging got so bad he was burning his self and I never new what condition he would be in when I got home. He was drinking and drugging everyday just to get through the day. He finally realized how bad things were and entered into a in-patient rehab program. He loved it there and did really well but our insurance kicked him out after 20 days and referred him to out patient care that he never began. The new non addictive meds never helped with the anxiety and he had two trips to the ER trying to deal with his anxiety clean and sober. It was like he was sober but the underlying issue was not resolved and I told him working a recovery program would help but he only went to two meetings.

He relapsed after 40 days clean and has been heading downhill ever since. Part of his probation for the DUI is alcohol blowing and he has missed one test and just failed another one today. He knows he is looking at jail time now and all he wanted to do was drink more.

I have been the typical enabler trying to ease his pain. I am afraid of what more trouble he may get into before they actually violate his probation and pick him up. I suggested that he go to the local detox center and admit his self and begin the out patient therapy - which would help his probation officer see he has a serious problem and is trying to do something about it. I know this is his decision and I have to let him suffer and dig his self out of this mess. I feel guilty for not letting him suffer more in the past as I have only enabled him to fall back into his old patterns.

I applaud all the parents out there who are tough on thier kids and know where to draw the line. I know I have to do that too - if it means turning off the phone and stop rescueing. He is a master manipulator and knows how to play me and suck me into his problem.

I hate the thought of him going to jail and I hate that rehab didn't help him stay clean longer. I know that my HP God is in charge and allows all of this to happen for a reason and if it is going to take jail to get my son serious about his recovery I have to accept that.

I also know that recovery is a process and that he learned a lot at his first rehab.

Thanks for letting me share.

ctg492

My heart is with you. I am a mom of a 26 year old AS in Rehab now. It is so hard to accept that he had to reach bottom with out me catching and enabling, to begin the cilmb back to the top. I was the worst offender for loving my son too much. He is working hard on his own in rehab, he had to do it himself. Be strong and know you will find support here.

outtolunch

Somehow , with so many, the anxiety or deression or anger or whatever becomes intertwined with addiction and it's the ole chicken/ egg thing.

Rehab is not a cure. Best case, it can teach a highly motived guest some of the tools of recovery and coping strategies. Tools don't work unless one uses them. Recovery is an inside job and it never ends.

He has opportunities if he chooses to take advantage of them. If our love could cure them, none of us would be here. We have no special powers.

We parents are quite capable of loving our adult children into early graves because we cushion the consequences of their choices. There is no hope for recovery until the consequences of addiction and/or codependency become unbearable.

That he may land in jail is a consequence of his choices and no reflection on you as a parent. That you may end up bald in a booby hatch is a consequence of trying to control his choices and recovery and no reflection on him.