bren8854

Hi everyone and Merry Christmas. I have a 28 yo son that I have posted about many years ago. He is a heroin addict and served a 120 day intensive treatment in a state prison this year. I was hoping that would be the thing that "saved" him. Wrong! I allowed him to come home after his prison sentence on the condition that he doesn't use. I've told him that I'm sorry that I've used that threat so many times because it isn't fair to him that I didn't follow through, therefore, he didn't expect me to this time. He got out of prison on Oct. 20th and before Thanksgiving he was sprialing out of control again. The Monday after Thanksgiving I stayed home from work (he works with his father) and I called a moving company and had them come take everything he owns out of the house and take to his father's warehouse for storeage. Of course he was shocked and angered. His father put him up in a pay by the week hotel near his work. He is telling me he is paying for the room and food in lieu of giving him a paycheck, but I'm sure he still gets some money from him. Apparently, has been using those check cashing places (don't even get me started on those businesses), and has thousands of dollars written on a closed bank account. Anyway to take a 10 year story down to a few paragraphs, he is at his father's tonight for Christmas Eve and my daughter called and said his hand is swollen to twice its normal size and he is limping due to an infected toe. He text me tonight "Merry Christmas, I Love You". I text him back "I love you too and I wish things were different. This is so hard on everyone". He text me back "I know, I don't know what I'm doing". I merely text back "I don't either". But to get to the point, my heart is breaking as I have Christmas and his father has Christmas Eve and the thought of him alone in that pay by the week motel is almost more than I can take. Am I doing the right thing, knowing he is actively using, by not inviting him over for Christmas. I am so sad. I had hoped putting him out of the house would make him realize he really needs to make changes. When his own Mother puts him out of the house. I cannot stop his dad from enabling him.

tjp613

Hi Bren -- I'm not currently in the same situation as you, but I probably will be next Christmas. My son, too, is spiraling downward and it will be difficult for me to spend time with him tomorrow because it is so painful to see him 'sick' as he is. I don't have the heart to ask him to stay away, but it did occur to me. However, I have to say that I won't be able to take much more of watching him deteriorate. I think that the question you have to ask yourself is "which is more painful?....being with him or without him this Christmas?" .... and how much pain are you willing to endure?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are not alone. (((hugs)))

dollydo

You are doing the right thing, enabling is not the answer. I know it hurts, however, he will never have a chance to hit his bottom until he faces the consequences of his addiction square in the face.

He is an adult, allow him to become one, not only in age, but in maturity too.

Keep posting, keep reading others posts, participate in the forum, believe me, it will help.