A New Low AD missing
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: fl
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A New Low AD missing
well my AD has reached a new all time low at least in my books... she went to rehab on her own they would only keep her for 9 dang days then the insurance company said she was good to go.... well she made it 1 whole day out of the program and now have not seen her since Oct 22nd. So of course I go onto Facebook cause you can get all kinds of info from there.. I posted on her page if anyone has seen her to please let me know. later that night she sends a response begging me to help her, then she goes on to say that some man is keeping her held against her will in a room and doing awful things to her and she sneaked the phone and sent me the message on facebook my first question was ok if you are so scared why didnt you just call 911 when you had the phone, 2, why not call me or text me so much faster then logging onto facebook... then the next day i get another message mom please help me i am so scared and i need you to save me and find me i dont know where i am at just by some bar... (a little worried at this point cause i found out the last person she was with was a 63 registered sexual offender of a child under 12..........) so i call the cops give him this guys info and address they go and search the whole house find nothing..... since then i have not heard anything from her.. i called one of her so called friends today and he told me he saw her last weekend.. (this is when she was being held by this man).. has anyone else ever gone through something like this with an addict?? she is on probation and has a curfew of 10:00 so i am thinking this is a way she is trying to get out of trouble but of course as the days go on my doubts creek up on me and i start to think she is telling the truth even though my gut tells me she is lying.. I have no idea if addicts go this low in having family think they are in danger so i wanted to get some feed back on this issue.. anything that will give me some comfort....
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
Hi-
i have had similar worries about my gf. she was homeless and selling herself. i was filled with worry every day and every night. it never went away. ever. i received a few frantic calls about stuff that had happened to her and that set me off in a panic and i would rush to do anything. i was terrified of her being kept against her will. but it had to slow the thoughts for a minute.
i would question why she would reply to a facebook message, but not have jsut called. i mean, she replied to your message. its not even like she put it out there first. i cannot imagine being in an emergency and just look for help through facebook. but me being who i am, i am also terrified of being wrong in a situation like this.
i spent a LOT of time awful-izing things with my girlfriend. thank god every time i did, my fears were never recognized. she once called me at work around 6pm that something bad happened to her on the streets, she was crying and pleaing for me to hurry to meet her at the bus station. so i left work early and met her. by the time i got there she was casually telling me a story about her getting attacked- at 11am! i thought, why would you wait 7 hours to call- she said she was at the police station. but i dotn believe it.
i had to think really hard about my gf. she likes drama (well it just goes with addiction) but also likes playing the victim. she will cry to me about how awful it is to fee like every guy just wants one thing from her, but she will turn around and 'work' to get drugs.
i think the addicts will go as low as their addiction will take them when it comes to lying and making excuses. at times i would go about a week without hearing from her, i think the longest was 2 weeks and every day was like a nightmare being played out in my head. she will go months without calling her mom. i learned that the addicts are much more adept at caring for themselves than we sometimes give them credit for. but i also had to live with the reality that there are some really bad people out there, and that is scary.
i dont know if i am helping or not, but i understand how you must be feeling, but i hope it helps to know that i did have similar experiences. in fact i just remembered that she did say she started to work for a service and that it was like the girls were kept there, and that had me scared, but i asked well, how did you get out, and shes like- i just left.
she used to tell me about this dealer in the city that used to have his boys tell her how he wanted her to be his girl and she would never need to want for anything. drugs, money, whatever. so she would duck from certain people, not go to certain parts of hte city. i am expecting this badass big thug guy is trying to keep her, one day we are driving and she says thats him- it was like a scrawny 20 year old. i thought- What? you let me keep thinking you were in danger and its some kid ten years younger than you?
so,as you know, it is hard to know what to believe and we get afraid to not beleive stories like this, i dont mean to down play this in anyway, i keep going back and forth, i really hope she is ok, and i really wish i could help take your worry away. how old is she?
i have had similar worries about my gf. she was homeless and selling herself. i was filled with worry every day and every night. it never went away. ever. i received a few frantic calls about stuff that had happened to her and that set me off in a panic and i would rush to do anything. i was terrified of her being kept against her will. but it had to slow the thoughts for a minute.
i would question why she would reply to a facebook message, but not have jsut called. i mean, she replied to your message. its not even like she put it out there first. i cannot imagine being in an emergency and just look for help through facebook. but me being who i am, i am also terrified of being wrong in a situation like this.
i spent a LOT of time awful-izing things with my girlfriend. thank god every time i did, my fears were never recognized. she once called me at work around 6pm that something bad happened to her on the streets, she was crying and pleaing for me to hurry to meet her at the bus station. so i left work early and met her. by the time i got there she was casually telling me a story about her getting attacked- at 11am! i thought, why would you wait 7 hours to call- she said she was at the police station. but i dotn believe it.
i had to think really hard about my gf. she likes drama (well it just goes with addiction) but also likes playing the victim. she will cry to me about how awful it is to fee like every guy just wants one thing from her, but she will turn around and 'work' to get drugs.
i think the addicts will go as low as their addiction will take them when it comes to lying and making excuses. at times i would go about a week without hearing from her, i think the longest was 2 weeks and every day was like a nightmare being played out in my head. she will go months without calling her mom. i learned that the addicts are much more adept at caring for themselves than we sometimes give them credit for. but i also had to live with the reality that there are some really bad people out there, and that is scary.
i dont know if i am helping or not, but i understand how you must be feeling, but i hope it helps to know that i did have similar experiences. in fact i just remembered that she did say she started to work for a service and that it was like the girls were kept there, and that had me scared, but i asked well, how did you get out, and shes like- i just left.
she used to tell me about this dealer in the city that used to have his boys tell her how he wanted her to be his girl and she would never need to want for anything. drugs, money, whatever. so she would duck from certain people, not go to certain parts of hte city. i am expecting this badass big thug guy is trying to keep her, one day we are driving and she says thats him- it was like a scrawny 20 year old. i thought- What? you let me keep thinking you were in danger and its some kid ten years younger than you?
so,as you know, it is hard to know what to believe and we get afraid to not beleive stories like this, i dont mean to down play this in anyway, i keep going back and forth, i really hope she is ok, and i really wish i could help take your worry away. how old is she?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Parentneedshelp))) - I'm an RA, as well as a recovering codie. Though I totally understand why all this has upset you, you brought up very valid questions..why did she take the time to log on FB instead of calling 911?
When I was using, I was basically "MIA" to my family. Though my dad found me in the 'hood I used to stay in (about 1-1/2 hours from home), there were times I would hide from him on the times he'd come to just check on me. One time, my XABF#3 threatened to drag me out of an abandoned house I was smoking crack in, I got in dad's truck..he was ticked (for obvious reasons as I was raising hell), gunned the engine in FRONT of a cop. Cop realized what was going on (I was well known to the cops) and let him go and I tried to jump out of the moving truck.
I'm not saying she's not in danger, I'm just saying that we A's are VERY resourceful. I was beaten, choked, raped, and never once did I reach out for the people who could actually help me, including a sargeant on the police force (female) who cared a lot about me..always looked after me, did her best to get me off the streets (I sent her a thank-you letter when I got clean).
To answer your question as whether an addict "would go so low", yeah, some of us reach some pretty darned lows. Many of us put our loved ones through hell...I am one who did. My dad has told me of how many times he cried, not knowing whether I was dead or alive.
I doubt this is what you want, or need, to hear, but part of my recovery is being honest. I pray that she is safe, that she hits her bottom soon, and most of all, I send lots of hugs and prayers to you, because I've also (and to some extent, still am) been on the codie side of loving an addict, and it's hard.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
When I was using, I was basically "MIA" to my family. Though my dad found me in the 'hood I used to stay in (about 1-1/2 hours from home), there were times I would hide from him on the times he'd come to just check on me. One time, my XABF#3 threatened to drag me out of an abandoned house I was smoking crack in, I got in dad's truck..he was ticked (for obvious reasons as I was raising hell), gunned the engine in FRONT of a cop. Cop realized what was going on (I was well known to the cops) and let him go and I tried to jump out of the moving truck.
I'm not saying she's not in danger, I'm just saying that we A's are VERY resourceful. I was beaten, choked, raped, and never once did I reach out for the people who could actually help me, including a sargeant on the police force (female) who cared a lot about me..always looked after me, did her best to get me off the streets (I sent her a thank-you letter when I got clean).
To answer your question as whether an addict "would go so low", yeah, some of us reach some pretty darned lows. Many of us put our loved ones through hell...I am one who did. My dad has told me of how many times he cried, not knowing whether I was dead or alive.
I doubt this is what you want, or need, to hear, but part of my recovery is being honest. I pray that she is safe, that she hits her bottom soon, and most of all, I send lots of hugs and prayers to you, because I've also (and to some extent, still am) been on the codie side of loving an addict, and it's hard.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It sounds all wrong to me too, which is good I guess because it means she is not being held captive, but not good because she is playing the drama/scare mama card and that stinks.. I'm glad you called the police and will keep her in my prayers.
Big hugs because I know that being the mama of an addict is no picnic.
Big hugs because I know that being the mama of an addict is no picnic.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
she is playing the drama/scare mama card and that stinks
One of our most effective tools is to keep our heads and react like a firefighter in the midst of chaos. Calm-cool-collected. Often we find there is no fire......just a LOT of smoke.
gentle hugs
ke
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: fl
Posts: 37
thank you all for your responses... I know in my gut that she is fine or as fine as an addict can be... She is 21 years old and has been an addict for the past 3 years now of course i was not aware in the begining so i have only been dealing with this for a year and a half now so its all still so new to me.. I have talked to her PO and he is getting a warrent issued for her arrest for VOP(thank god) how sad that i am happy at the thought of my AD going to jail.. He is going to recommend to the courts at least a 12 month program but will it do any good if it is court ordered and not because she wants the help?? I have to say that my hopes of her getting clean fade as each "crisis" I go through turns out to be NOT a "crisis".. I thank the Lord above everyday for me finding this site, its hard to talk to people who have not been through this they have no idea.. and of course with my family i have to be the strong one to keep everyone else from fliping out from all this DRAMA.. so i sit alone at night and thats when its my time to release all my pain alone... but that is how i deal with things for right now.. Thank you all for everything you do for all of us.... 
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
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so i sit alone at night and thats when its my time to release all my pain alone
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by parentneedshelp 
.....and of course with my family i have to be the strong one to keep everyone else from fliping out from all this DRAMA..
Whoa ! It's not your job to keep everyone else from flipping out. It sounds a tad bit like you are trying to control the situation and other people's reactions.
so i sit alone at night and thats when its my time to release all my pain alone... but that is how i deal with things for right now.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
i have been grateful for this site too. even though i heard a lot of stuff i didnt want to hear. but thankfully people have been with me all along my crazy ride.
you hit it exactly right when you said that it is hard to talk to people about it because it is true, if someone has not experienced this, they cannot know what it feels like. i spent most of my year and a half dealing with this alone. since this is a gf and not a child, i dont even have family to support me and to share with. anyone from the outside just says -shes an addict, she's bad, move on. but we know it is not so simple. i am glad that you find time to yourself to process things, but as outtolunch said, isolation can be unhealthy- if that is indeed what is happening. but feeling alone, that you have no one to talk with about this can make you feel isolated. so, i second the suggestion to maybe find naranon meetings or alanon. i have found it very helpful to be in a room of people who understand. i understand what they say, and they understand what i say.
either way keep posting.
you hit it exactly right when you said that it is hard to talk to people about it because it is true, if someone has not experienced this, they cannot know what it feels like. i spent most of my year and a half dealing with this alone. since this is a gf and not a child, i dont even have family to support me and to share with. anyone from the outside just says -shes an addict, she's bad, move on. but we know it is not so simple. i am glad that you find time to yourself to process things, but as outtolunch said, isolation can be unhealthy- if that is indeed what is happening. but feeling alone, that you have no one to talk with about this can make you feel isolated. so, i second the suggestion to maybe find naranon meetings or alanon. i have found it very helpful to be in a room of people who understand. i understand what they say, and they understand what i say.
either way keep posting.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
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I know i need to really go to a meeting and start my recovery It is just so hard to find the time.. see I have a 5 yr old son and now I have custody of my 2 year old granddaughter (thank GOD) I dont even want to think about if my AD had her. I think she has seen enough in her life already... So durning the week there is just no way I can go anywhere. I get off work, get the kids from 2 different places, go home cook, clean and then bath and night time... I know I am using all these reasons as excuses as to why I cannot go and as I read this I just figured that out.. LOL.. if I go that's another step of admitting I have an AD.... wow.. ok enough said I am going to find one that does it on the weekend and go this weekend no ifs ands or buts....
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
well for a long time i found every reason not to go. i could do this or that, was tired, phillies were playing, i didnt like meetings, im not a meeting person, how can this really help, it isnt so bad, next week, tomorrow, next week...
until i have finally lost my ability to function. i fell hard, just like i did so many times, but i couldnt do it alone anymore. i didnt care who was going to carry me, i just needed to be carried. and as an addict at rock bottom i got to the next meeting. omg what a difference it made. i have gone to about 6 in a week nad a half. but please, as people told me, try to go, for you.
until i have finally lost my ability to function. i fell hard, just like i did so many times, but i couldnt do it alone anymore. i didnt care who was going to carry me, i just needed to be carried. and as an addict at rock bottom i got to the next meeting. omg what a difference it made. i have gone to about 6 in a week nad a half. but please, as people told me, try to go, for you.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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Do you know anyone else with kids. You could do a swap -- you watch my little ones for 2 hrs/week so I can go to a meeting, I'll watch yours for two hours so you can do . . . I have a couple friends who are busy moms who don't have extra $ for a babysitter and this barter/coop system has worked well for them.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Parent))) - I don't know about al-anon, but when I went to AA, we had a young lady who had 3 kids. We had a room for the older ones that had coloring books, a TV, toys, etc. and someone would watch them. The toddler? We all took turns, during the meeting, entertaining her (quietly) so mom could participate. I'm a "kid person" so if she got a bit rambunctious, I took her out and played with her.
Her kids actually got quite used to the meetings, and often stayed all the way through. Maybe just see if there is meeting that has accommodations for kids? I'm pretty sure there are online al-anon meetings, too...looked them up for my dad a while back.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Her kids actually got quite used to the meetings, and often stayed all the way through. Maybe just see if there is meeting that has accommodations for kids? I'm pretty sure there are online al-anon meetings, too...looked them up for my dad a while back.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
The AlAnon meeting I went to on Friday nights had daycare - the kids had grown up together and more excited some Friday nights to go than their parents were - they wanted to be with their Friday night friends!!! Now that is a REAL AlAnon family.
Also, Monday-Friday there are some meetings downtown where I work - early morning or lunch hour that I've gone to. Check out your options.
You are in my thoughts and I hope you are able to put some focus on the 2 & 5 year old and yourself - you are the ones that deserve your focus right now.
Also, Monday-Friday there are some meetings downtown where I work - early morning or lunch hour that I've gone to. Check out your options.
You are in my thoughts and I hope you are able to put some focus on the 2 & 5 year old and yourself - you are the ones that deserve your focus right now.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
With 2 young ones, meetings could be a problem.
The following might be a solution:
Online Al-Anon Outreach
and check this out also:
Info.com - online alanon meetings - www.Info.com
Hopefully you can find some for after the 'kiddies' are in bed. Heck you can even be in your 'jammies' with a cup of Hot Chocolate, lol
Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, the internet is really WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!lol
Love and hugs,
The following might be a solution:
Online Al-Anon Outreach
and check this out also:
Info.com - online alanon meetings - www.Info.com
Hopefully you can find some for after the 'kiddies' are in bed. Heck you can even be in your 'jammies' with a cup of Hot Chocolate, lol
Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, the internet is really WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!lol
Love and hugs,
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by parentneedshelp
He is going to recommend to the courts at least a 12 month program but will it do any good if it is court ordered and not because she wants the help??
Rehab is a wonderful learning process, not a "cure". As with those who simply quit...it's all up to the willingness of the addict in the end.
I have hope for your daughter and will keep her in my prayers.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Hello, weighing in on your AD in jail. At least there, she will dry out. At that time, her brain wont be as clouded and hopefully she begins to see there are no other options. My son told me recently that the longest he has been clean for at least 4 years was the time he was in jail and being miserable and straight, he started to see the path of his choices. It is a long hard road. Be strong, get help and know you are not alone
Teresa
Teresa
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
my thoughts and prayers are with you - my AD is saying that a man kept kidnapping her and shooting her full of drugs ~
she is now in jail again and i'm inclined not to believe the full story she is telling - she's been on this road with her addiction for over 17 yrs - I know that this disease prohibits her from being full honest about anything. There may be SOME truth in the story but I don't have the time or the ability to sort it out.
Please take good care of you -
PINK HUGS,
Rita
she is now in jail again and i'm inclined not to believe the full story she is telling - she's been on this road with her addiction for over 17 yrs - I know that this disease prohibits her from being full honest about anything. There may be SOME truth in the story but I don't have the time or the ability to sort it out.
Please take good care of you -
PINK HUGS,
Rita
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