justsumchik

My husband and I met in recovery about 16 years ago. He has 20 years clean and sober and I have 15 years. We stopped going to meetings quite a while back, both got graduate degrees and are successful professionals with 3 awesome kids.

For the last year or so there have been a number of times that I (and the kids) have noticed my husband was 'high' from his prescription pills- muscle relaxers and vicodin. He doesn't have any kind of disability but I know he had some hip pain and had a cortisone shot a couple years back so I guess that's what they're giving him the meds for. He is 47 so I think he just has normal aches and pains... It's not like he is a physical laborer.

I have told him a few times that I don't like how he is when he is on the pills but he doesn't seem to care. Or he'll say he wont' mix the two again, but then I can tell when he has done so by how he talks and acts.

Today he left for a business trip. I went looking for pain killers tonight and found an empty bottle of vicodin that was prescribed to our son when he got appendicitis in late July. He took maybe 4 or 5 of them and the rest my husband stashed in early August after he 'caught' a friend of mine taking 1 when she was visiting (long story, ugly fight). I found 2 more empty vicodin bottles and an empty Soma bottle filled between august and September. I know he has some with him also because I don't think he leaves without his pills. So... It seems he is taking vicodin every day or two pills every other day, as well as the muscle relaxers about the same amount. For someone who is not disabled isn't that an amount to be concerned about? Or am I being weird? The other weird thing was that once I started looking all the empty bottles were hidden in the backs of his clothes drawers. Obviously he didn't want me to know how many he was taking...

Also, over the last few months he has reacted rather defensively to comments I have made about his 'pill-popping', and once we tried to have sex and he couldn't perform - he said it was because of the muscle relaxers. That seems rather extreme...

Anyone experienced with these drugs, do I have cause for concern? At this point my plan is to wait til he gets back and see if maybe he took a bunch of pills with him (he has been known to put pills in other bottles for trips) and see how many more bottles he has, if any. I want to find more if I can before he knows that I am checking.

Beyond that, any bright ideas?

cc88

Just by the title "Relapse? or am I crazy?"

I already thought "You're not crazy. Whoever it is is relapsing"

then I actually read your post and I still say "You're not crazy. He's relapsing"

catlovermi

I'll highlight with the red flags, you go read your own words again, and the answers are already there.

Have you tried Nar-anon support groups?

Welcome!

CLMI

justsumchik

Thanks cc88 and catlovermi for the feedback! I feel dumb for not noticing and for even asking. I did find an alanon meeting today, which I haven't been to before, which was very helpful emotionally.

I am trying to prepare emotionally. My husband won't be home for a couple days, and I won't bring it up right away because I want to see what else he has. Also, I need to figure out how to bring it up. I am afraid that he will not face reality, and will continue to sneak and just lie to me about it, or try to go cold turkey without getting help which I don't imagine will work for long. I would almost rather pretend I don't know than to have him lying to me about it. I know that's ridiculous. I already have trust issues with him around money, and I don't think I could handle another trust issue.

We have gone through some horrendous stuff together, and he has always been my rock, my anchor. I never imagined that something like this would happen.

hello-kitty

Youre not crazy. But unfortunately there's nothing you can do to change him or control his drug addiction and all the lying and horrible behavior that comes along with it. Keep going to your meetings. They will help.

NotSoSmart

When I have a prescription for anything, it never occurs to me to squirrel empty bottles away in closets. Mainly b/c I'm taking them as prescribed (if at all) and have nothing to hide.
My partner is a recovering addict whose drug of choice is pills - she had an odd habit of keeping bottles around, even for stuff that wasn't addictive. I would think if one was trying to hide stuff you'd get rid of the empty bottle, but she had a tough time letting go of them, even when empty. I'm not sure why that was...anyone else notice that or is that my A's quirk?

Anyway, I agree... if you suspect something is going on, it probably is.

justsumchik

I know, you are right. It is definitely a problem. Looking back, he has always kept vicodin bottles around, but typically one bottle would last a year or two. He has been prescribed the vicodin and soma for a long time also, and has just kept them around for when he needed it. That used to be pretty rare; now it is obviously every day... in my sleuthing I've discovered that since 8/9 (exactly two months before I discovered these bottles so 60ish days) he has used 90 vicodin and 90 soma from the pharmacy, plus 15-20 leftover vicodin of my son's, which were all gone before he went out of town, so he has more with him.

Technically, he is taking them less than prescribed (the bottles say every 6 hours or something). I know that is what he will say. It is obvious he is using them for stress (he has been stressed lately), and from what I have since read online taking the two together is quite the stress reliever. SO to me, it is obviously a problem.

Should it matter *to me* if he admits it is a problem? Obviously, it does, but should it?
Should I insist that he stop completely? He also has prescription strength ibuprofen, which bottles are full and laying around all over the place. So clearly it is not a physical pain issue.
How could I possibly verify whether he has stopped? It looks like he has recently started using cash at the pharmacy so it doesn't show up on the bank statements.

catlovermi

The fact is: he's already back into a LIFESTYLE of substance abuse - at least months into it and hiding and lying and spending. He is once again an active addict. Whether you "talk to him" or not, or whether he "admits it" or not does not change this.

He's going to do what he's going to do. And active addiction is progressive, and relentless.

So, what about you? What do you want out of life, out of a partner, out of a marriage? What are your boundaries about what is acceptable to your life, and what will YOU do if they are not upheld? You cannot control anything he does.

Al-anon or Nar-anon can vastly help sort through these things.

Sending encouragement,

CLMI

YearForMe

JS Chick....

I recently found out that my husband (laid off 2.5 years ago) was taking Vicodin.
5/500 Hydrocodone APAP which is 5mg of Vicodin and 500mg of Acetaminophen.

He was taking 4 per day. I read where 2,000 mg per day of acetaminophen is the max recommended due to the damage it can cause to your liver.

He had been refilling his scrip every two weeks for a year and a half.

But I also know what a slippery slope addiction of any kind is....and it only takes a moment and the next thing you know....4 pills are now 6 or 8 and so on.

It started as one scrip of 40 tabs for shoulder pain and morphed into 4 tabs per day.
Someday it was going to be more, I just didn't know when.

I counted pills and watched his use for about 6 weeks until I saw the pattern. He never hid them and went about his business....as if. So, he wasn't really even acting like he was addicted as far as hiding it. And I know that is different from what you are experiencing.

I thought about going to his doctor and trying to get the prescription refills stopped.
But at the time, I didn't know how dependent he was on the drug, or what his mindset would be for getting off of them.

I was worried that he would turn to buying them online or off the street.
So I was weighing a $10 copay against 100's of dollars. And since he's not working, that would be 100's of dollars that I'm working for.

I moved some money from our joint account into a separate account that is only in my name.

I got 3 plastic tubs, some bubble wrap and some tissue paper. I wrapped and packed special items (ie: valuables either in $$ or in memories) that I wanted to make sure were protected.

I also packed a small amount of clothes and toiletries.
I took all of that out of the house and stored in a separate secure place.

I went thru all of our important papers and made copies and packed those in the tub.
I password protected my computer and backed up all of my files online to Carbonite.

I got a safety deposit box and put all of the jewelry and higher value easily pawned items there.

Then I confronted him....very nicely I told him that I know he's taking vicodin.

He at first tried to say that he only takes it once in awhile.

I looked at him and I said calmly "I've been counting pills and keeping track of the last 3 refills.....I know you take 2 in the afternoon and 2 before bed and sometimes you mix them with Ambien and none of this is ok with me"

He said if I thought it was a problem....he would quit...right now.

And he did.....and had nary a withdrawal symptom.

Does he have a secret stash somewhere? I have no idea...but more will be revealed at some point if he does.

My original decision was to get my mind wrapped around what my boundry is.
Protect assets and treat this like a "storm" is coming. It looked like it could be a bad storm....I didn't know.

So far, it hasn't been....but storms are known to double back and whammy you.

Counting pills and sleuthing are really codependent behaviors. I knew it when I was doing it....and I made excuses for doing it anyway.

But, proactively forming a boundry and a plan and "getting right with it" in my head were the things that brought me peace.

Now I can go about my business and not worry about him. He will either get this taken care of, or he won't. I'm watching
his actions. Words mean nothing to me under these circumstances.