Windblown

Going to see my son in detox again tonight. Don't know what to say to him. I started drinking beer again to ease the pain. I went to alanon and a lady took me to a Christian bookstore and I bought a bible and two devotional books-one for me and one for my son. I read some of it and the God and the Jesus punish and discipline the sinners and I'm a sinner too because I drink a couple of beers now at night. I never abused a child and I know my son's core issues have to do with the abuse he suffered and held in all these years from his Father. Why doesn't God punish the Father...why the son? Why me...the wife of the abuser? i'll keep the bible but I'm taking the devotionals back because I was told in them that if I loved other things more than Jesus then I would suffer. Is that true? I never was perfect. I have sought many different spiritual paths and many of them seem far more loving than this Christianity stuff that I was raised on. But is it true?

And I dreamed last night that my son came to the door begging to come in after he had relapsed and I knew I wasn't gonna shut him out. Yet everybody is tellng me to kick him out if he uses again. But it feels wrong to me. Sometimes we need our blood relatives...cuz that's all we got. My current husband, his step-dad, said if I let him continue to live here he would move out. Between a rock and a hard place. My man makes the cash and he's my best buddy.

Maybe I need to continue on finding a God of my understanding...I am all mixed up.

Kindeyes

I get mixed up sometimes too and it takes me a few days to unscramble myself. Then I'm ok for a while--and then something scrambles me all up again. Luckily, I'm unscrambled more than scrambled these days.

I believe that there is never any need to wish anything bad on anyone.....life will dole out a share of trouble for everyone. God is there to help us through it. That's the God of my understanding.

None of us are perfect and the beautiful thing about life is we have a choice what we want to believe. I choose to believe in a loving God. A God who loves me just the way I am--warts and all.

I do believe that there is a lesson in everything that happens to us--good and bad--and I'm trying to see those lessons now instead of only interpreting things as "punishment" or "reward". That perspective seems much more balanced to me and I feel better about it.

Keep searching for the God of your understanding. He's there and he loves you too!

gentle hugs
ke

TMZ

My God is a loving God, a forgiving God. Probably the same as your God. Though he gives us freedom of choice. Yes your son may have made the wrong choice ( to you or I ) but it was his choice to make. And who are you or I the one to throw stones, for it just may be a path that he is suppose to travel. He is Gods son also, and God may have plans for him we are yet to learn.

As for our blood relatives/family; Yes we were brought up that way. Our parents and there
parents before them, and the ones before them, and so on. All tough us that family is the most important. That family takes care of family. Family helps, protects and defends the family no mater the cost! ... well back then they didn't have drugs like this, they didn't have to deal with mind altering drugs that would cause your child to lie, cheat, steal, and betray the family name all for the sake of getting high just one more time. ......This is a new era, one with man made drugs. This is something they never had to deal with. This is different than anything they our ancestors before us ever had to deal with. .....We are now challenged with having to deal with it. We have to learn a new way.
All of this is new and there is no simple fix. It is fought with tears and pain. And that is why we must work together, to help one another. And they must work alone at first till they find help from another that has recovered. It can happen, it has for so manny, so there is hope. But they must hit rock bottom first. Any thing you do just slows the process.

Hope this helps you clear some things up.
I don't mean to preach but I have 2 sons that are in this trap and it is so hard to watch them loose all the time they have on drugs. I love them , but I must let go and let God do what he has planed with them.

sending prayers and strength,

litehorse

it always saddens me when i hear people say that God uses various things to punish us - it is true that He allows things to come into our lives, but as TMZ said our choices in those situations have the most impact on our lives - i have found my only comfort comes from trusting the God of the universe - windblown - i hope you will continue to read the Bible- especially -the stories of God's mercy and grace toward sinners - the people He was angry with were the "religious" people of that day because they had perverted His message - i'm sorry if i've said too much for this forum -

MeredithD1

I tried posting this earlier but kept getting the Database Error message. I have persistently come back and it seems this can be posted now. Joy to "Copy" and "Paste!"

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One thing I have found in common as an underlying theme concerning God is

God meets each of us where we are.

As the infinite creator, there is an aspect of God with each and every one of us, because God has the power to do that. (Each blade of grass, each bird...)

This aspect of God that is with me is individualized to me. I don't worship a god that has been created by man. I love God who is with me and gives me life.

I do not believe in a punishing god. I believe that such a creation is the creation of man in order to have power over other men.

I believe we feel pain and suffering when we are not in alignment with the path that God means for us to walk. God does not create that pain and suffering. God does not punish and withhold.

I believe we feel the ultimate joy in our lives when we are doing what God intended for us to do. It is not a blind following that my God asks of me. It is an understanding of the joy that God intended for me when I walk the path that I was created to walk.

My God wants me to question, not to blindly follow what I think my God wants me to follow.

God hears my questions and answers them when I can hear the answers as my God intends for me to hear them. That means, sometimes I wait for the answer, and observe my world while I wait, to see what it is I need to understand before I can hear the answer as it was intended to be heard.

Another thing I know for sure is that God loves each and every one of us and it is seldom apparant to me how God is working with another being. Hey, sometimes it takes me time to understand how God is working with ME! God wants each and every one of God's creations to be connected to God and to be in joy and to make it all the way to where life is the heaven God intended it to be.

Created beings have come away from the connection and THAT - not God - is how we came to experience pain and suffering that was never intended for us.

Each of us must make the Connection for ourselves - asking for God's help to make that connection - we can't make it for another.

Windblown

thanks everybody...guess I gotta let go
can't hold a shadow anyway no
don't think my boy's ever comin home
cuz his rap is black
heroin's on his back
he's a mule cell blinkin'
where ya at bro now...gotta a two for five
I wanna kill those bloody leeches
kill em now.. by pretending to understand
gettin down with the dope man
kill them...i would die for my son
I can take out a few...
but my boy is so out of it
he wouldn't give a damn
wouldn't give a damn