litehorse

many have shared beautiful words of encouragement and understanding - i agree with every one and just want to add my prayers for you and your son -

Kindeyes

My son usually tells me that he loves me....although our contact now is usually brief and infrequent. I don't think he wants to be an addict. I believe him when he says that. He's just not ready to stop. Word salad or not, I accept his words as true. His addiction has nothing to do with his love for me. I accept the loving exchanges and do my best not to let the words anesthetize me. I share loving words with him as well. But I don't put up with bad behavior and I don't enable him. I am hoping that a clear and consistent message is being sent on what my boundaries are. It is a level of honesty that I have neglected in the past.....to his detriment and mine.

You and your son are in my prayers today as are all of our addicted children and loved ones.

gentle hugs
ke

December2011

I just wanted to thank you all for your words, again, I can't tell you how much it helps. I went to my second naranon meeting last night, and that helped as well.
I understand that he needs help and I know I need help too, for my co-dependency.
I am still going crazy, because I can't find him- I am sure he doesn't want to be found.
My pride and ego think that I will change and control this, but I know I cannot.

It is hard to face the reality of this situation, and a few months ago one of my son's closest friends died from pills. This was a kid that grew up spending so much time at my home, and someone that was loved by many people.

I do not want the same to happen to my child, but I know I will not die if he dies, just my will to live will go away for awhile, but I know I will survive.

And I am trying my best to let go, and stop going crazy with worry. Anxiety attacks seem normal, and nightmares.

Thank you all again-- sorry I was kinda going off the deep end.
I am new to the concept of letting go, and realizing that I need to stop being an enabler, but in time it will all sink in.

Thank you

December2011

Chino, I am so sorry for what you are going through.
I undersatnd what you are saying when you talk about pulling oters down with you. I think I have been doing that for a long time

hugs