enablingwife

O...M...G. My AH's father said to me today "if you come home and find him dead on the floor, who's fault would that be". This statement came after learning I planned to leave Friday. He believes my leaving would be "too much for him" and implied that he may try to kill himself...and this would be MY FAULT!!!!
Everything is my fault to his parents. I was unaware of this until tonight.
I used to smoke pot with him until 2 years ago. He threw my a## under the bus when his family learned of his relapse! This was 2 YEARS AGO!
Let's not forget that I'm leaving so that I CAN GET BETTER AND BE THE BEST MOM I CAN BE TO MY DAUGHTERS!
He always finds a way to make it about me, take the focus off of HIM. He's snorting roxies for heaven's sake...I smoked a little pot on the weekends several years ago...I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM!!!!
His parents are ignorant to disease of addiction. They believe that if we take a one week course on "walking in God's power" that we can "then make a logical decision as to what should happen next.
We've done the "bible camp" route! twice! GRRRRRR.
I've already made my decision. I will NOT be a part of his drama or his family's.
I'm done. REALLY done. Still moving. For ME. I don't owe ANYONE and explanation either.
I apologize for the long rant...I had to vent

CagedBird

Um. It would be HIS fault.


of course, you already know that.

stick to your guns, you're doing the right thing.


:ghug3

enablingwife

Thanks. Before I knew I was codependent I would have felt so guilty that I would just continue to endure it. "This time might work". I simply it my bottom before him, and it's time to get ME back. I'm sure my kids miss her.

Freedom1990

Ugh. I am so sorry the FIL is such an ignoramus!

You are doing the right thing, what is best for you and the kiddos!

enablingwife

Don't get me wrong, I know how powerful faith can be, but I know it's not "the key" to ending 20 years of addiction. That's like saying a diabetic can stop seeking medical help and just take a bunch of bible classes and pray a lot and...BOOM! No more diabetes!
He needs medical/behavioral help. It sucks that I'm the only one who see it.

Kindeyes

That's really messed up. I stayed with my xah for five years because he told me he would kill himself if I left him.....that was 28 years ago.....he's still alive.

Don't listen to that nonsense. If their son decides to end his life, it is HIS choice. That is just a desperate measure to try to keep you trapped in the relationship.

gentle hugs
ke

hello-kitty

Let it all go. Breathe in. Breathe out. Your children need you. Your AH is a grownup and is responsible for himself. You do not MAKE him do anything. You are not GOD.

I'm proud of you.

wellnowwhat

My MIL used to start sentences with "you should make him..." when referring to my AH. After I while my stock answer was "I can't make him do anything, he was raised that way". That silenced the "you should's".

It didn't bring us closer, but if she was blaming me for his behaviour it meant we never were and never would be close.

It's too bad your FIL couldn't filter his dumb comments. He just doesn't know.....

cc88

oh good god. thats complete B.S. I'm glad you know the difference. My concern is that he'l let the cat out of the bag. Either way, don't listen to them. I know those kind of people all too well. They'l let an otherwise harmless cut on their finger fester and get infected to the point of amputating their arm because if they treat it, they'd be saying "God cant heal me but I can"

Im a preachers kid and (still, amazingly) a person of faith too but those kinds of people wouldnt and dont know the hand of God if/when it slaps them in the face. Keep doing what you're doing.

Kindeyes

There's a lady in one of my groups that says "You don't should on me and I won't should on you". Say it fast and "should" kinda sounds like sh*t. I like that one and intend to use it when someone tries to "should on me".

gentle hugs
ke

outtolunch

FIL is toxic. Avoid further contact.

JoySeeker

HA! Good for you!!! You know what my ex's father told me? That I was the reason for him using because I kept our son away from him. I just shook my head and smiled at him and said the reason I keep my son from him is BECAUSE of him using. But this is from a father who has paid over 100,000 of pocket money just this year to "protect' his son from any legal problems, paid all his fines, hiring lawyers for fraud and theft, and also bought out countless things that my ex had stole just to put them all back in front of his face and do it again. Oh, lets not mention all his bills paid and debt wiped clean. But, it's my fault this guy uses? Ya ya ya... Very sickening.

enablingwife

Thanks everyone. I've always known his family was a little nutty, but WOW. Cynical One, you are exactly right. He's been abusing drugs since he was 14! Right under their noses. They were in denial then, and they're in denial now.
His sister texted me last night, something from proverbs about letting God guide you and not your own mind. I replied that in my 5 WEEKS of praying and doing some serious soul searching, my decision was an obvious one.
My FIL thinks this is "the devil's way of making sure I don't take this class". I know, crazy, right!? IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE F-ING CLASS!!

On a happy note, my baby girl turned 4 yesterday!!!! And despite this recent Jerry Springer mess, it was a GREAT DAY! Funny how stress free things can be when I no longer care if he's stressed or irritated or having fun :0) EVERYONE HAD A GREAT TIME!
The kids birthdays somehow always end up chaotic because AH somehow shows is a##, yelling at his mother, or me, or the kids. Not this time :0) It was great not allowing my emotions to be manipulated.

hello-kitty

No contact may be your best option when it comes to the STBX-INLAWS.

And Happy Birthday to your little girl! Four is such a fun age.

December2011

Good for you!

Your kids will thank you for this in the future. You are absolutely doing the right thing.

Sounds like the parents want to put it all off on you, hmmmmm- what kind of people do that?


Hang in there