LoveMeNow

I am just curious about something. I have thought about this quit often and I am just curious how others feel about this.....So...

If I wasn't codependent, my addicted loved one (child, spouse or SO) sought recovery, and my relationship was all healed, would I continue to post here??

I don't think I would post very often. What would there be for me to learn or share?? I would probably stop by once in a while to see how others were doing and keep you all in my prayers but I certainly would not tell you my opinions, especially about subjects or topics I had zero knowledge about.

So now I understand why many have left, never to be heard from again....which had always had me puzzled.

What do you think you would do?

jerect

My addict is not longer in my life but I continue to post here and I still continue to go to alanon as well... I'm far from healed.. I'm working on my codependency but just like an addict, once codependent always codependent.. This board helps me tremendously... Some very kind people on here helped me through my darkest hours this past winter and when I started posting here almost 6 years ago some very kind people gave me the tough love that I needed to open my eyes and see the truth about addiction ( THANK YOU, Anvil and Ann)

I read the threads daily and see people struggle like I did and I see people finally hit their bottom like I did and crawl their way out.. Hopefully my sharing, strength and hope will be beneficial to someone just like someone's else's was for me..

allthatsgood

LoveMeNow, you always come up with the most interesting questions!!!! I like coming here because I want to try to give back....pay it forward so to speak. There were so many people here on SR, like you, who took the time to respond to my postings when I was going through difficult times with my son and his addiction. For me, I just try to share my personal experiences. Heaven knows I've made a ton of mistakes along the way, so I'm hesitant to tell people what they should do. But I hope that own personal experiences can help in any small way. One huge lesson I've learned from this site is to be compassionate with others. You just never know what is really going on in people's lives and what their problems are.

Impurrfect

I would probably still be here, as I don't think I will ever NOT have codie slips, just get better at recognizing them at a lot faster

I do have to say, there are some people who will check in after a long absence..just pop in, let us know what's going on in their lives, and I think that's pretty cool.

I also want to give back some of what was given to me, as I was a hot mess when I first came here.

I do keep in touch with a few people who know longer post here, for various reasons. For some, the A got better, and or the codie got better and they've moved on with their lives.

I feel blessed that we can stay in touch and with some, though we share a past, here, we are now friends who are in the present.

I guess I'm just addicted to SR and have made so many friends here, it will be an addiction I won't seek recovery for any time soon, but I do understand why some people leave.

It may be something like the saying that goes something like "we can have friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime". The same can be said for SR.

You DO have some very thought-provoking questions

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

cynical one

Addiction has not been part of my life for over a decade.

I thought I was 13th stepping by adding Steps 1 + 12...my life is unmanageable and I want to share it with you.

Ann

CO, you are one of the reasons I keep coming back, I just love your way with words.

My son has been missing for about 9 years now and I am no longer living a life in crisis, but I need to come here every day to keep myself grounded and to remind myself to do the "do" things to keep myself on a good recovery path.

Newcomers remind me of where I came from and remind me why I don't want to go back to a life of fear and sadness. Old timers keep me in line too, can't fool them even on a good day, lol.

Most of all I come here to repay what was so freely given to me by those who went before me. It's part of my Step 12 to share what helped me and if sharing my story can help even one person who lives in the darkness of hopelessness, then it's all worthwhile.

Besides, I come to see what LoveMeNow, CO and Anvil are up to, lol, they keep me on my toes and tickle my funny bone just when I need it most.

Hugs

AnvilheadII

if "old timers" never came back not only would SR have an entirely different flavor, but groups like AA and NA would probably cease to exist. we only keep what we have by giving it away. sharing OUR experience, strength and hope. not stats, no the latest study, not dr phil, dr drew or dr ruth....what WE as individuals and members have gained thru experience.

PresentTense

My daughter is in a good recovery program and she seems serious about staying sober. Just that she is alive is a miracle to me. I am grateful that she is in a good program and has gained some stability. All that can change though with one bad decision on her part.

What won't change is what I have control over which is making the decision to work my own recovery program and SR has been a big part of my recovery. I feel less alone since I started reading and posting on SR. I have gotten a lot of great feedback on questions I have asked and a lot of encouragement and understanding.

I think I will continue to read and post because I will be in recovery from codependency for the rest of my life.

story74

This site has helped me so much. I would not be where I am today without it.

I find myself coming back when I am hurt, missing my x or just bored and/or out of habit. Sometimes I get annoyed hearing the same story again and again because it is always the same. I get upset not at the person, but just at drugs. I think about our society and how accessible drugs are. How drugs are really evil. I think about all the pain the cause, families destroyed and children. So, I take breaks. Sometimes I just need to not hear about it anymore. I was on a break when my son mentioned something to me, and I found myself back again. A family member passed too young from cancer, and I found myself back again. I still, after 2 years, just need a place. I also really enjoy maybe in some way helping others with my story. Sometimes I just want to tell most "RUN, and don't look back"

I don't have many people to vent to. this site is basically it for me. Like I said, I would not be where I am at without this site. I understand (haha) addiction now. I get it. and that helps me move on.

Ann

Amen, sister. Nobody tells it better than those who have been there. That's why I love our double winners here, they have personally experienced both sides, addiction AND recovery, and are a beacon of hope and light here.

Ilovemysonjj

I stay here and continue to read every single day through my good times and bad. I am not over the codependency, now seeing it more in my marriage than I did when I was consumed with my son. I love and learn from everyone here every day. I have shared this site with several of my coworkers who are dealing with dysfunction in their lives.
This place reminds me all the time to be conscious of my tendencies to control and manipulate which I have been doing a lot longer than my son was addicted

LoveMeNow

LOL, that's so nice to read because this Codie isn't going any where any time soon. I still have lots to learn and hopefully someday a lot to share. So from one Codie to another, you are stuck with me for a long while.

Ann

LoveMeNow

Now I think I am going stay even longer and PM you every hour.



*snork*

lizwig

When I first came to this site it absolutely held me up. I have learned so much from all of you. Even though I'm standing by my own power (mostly) I still visit a couple of times a day. I try to welcome the newcomers because I clearly remember how hard it was to admit how powerless I am and his unmanageable my life had become. My life is much more manageable now that I've put boundaries in place...but I question sometimes whether I could maintain that if my son was still causing chaos daily. He still is...I'm just not involved in it. I come here for the reminder...and a spiritual boost. Thank you all.

Kindeyes

If I wasn't codependent, I probably wouldn't have come here in the first place. I probably wouldn't have needed Nar-Anon, Al-Anon, or a therapist. lol

SR and meetings are a maintenance program for me (and a 12th step thang).

gentle hugs
ke

cynical one

Ahhh...but there's the rub. I don't think hardly ANY of us come here because we think there's something wrong with us. We come here because we want to know how to FIX someone else. We stay as reminders of where we were and to attempt to pass on what we have learned or what worked for US along the way.

Any attempt to tell others what an addict should be doing for their recovery belongs on the Substance Abuse board, IMO. I'm sure they would just lovvvvve to hear it. muhahaha

LoveMeNow

Ya know, I had started googling side effects of percocets for a couple of months before I ever found this site. I still thought my husband had just a little ole pill problem and I wanted proof. Little did I know, he was already in full blown addiction.

After reading here, then joining....the lights started coming on. What was the first thing I did? I sent him an email of What Addicts Do. Just recently I found that email and his reply. Lets just say he was still in full blown denial. Lol

But my denial was far worse.....I still thought he was the only one with a problem.

jerect

I ended up here basically the same way.. Googling ways to fix and help an addict.. You can even look back at my first post and see how naive I was about addiction... Sometimes I go back and read those posts, it shows me how far I've come as a person and how much addiction affected my life.. When I got to these boards I thought my situation was unique and special and that I would defy the odds and save him... I ended up falling on my face more times then once but I also ended up saving myself... I didn't even know what the word codependency meant when i arrived here but soon learned I was the poster child for the term...

Another thing I've learned is that my addict didn't make me codependent, I found myself in a relationship with him because I was codependent.. Even though he is not in my life anymore, codependency still reels its ugly head, I catch myself becoming too involved in situations where I just need to step back and let that person figure it out... I'm terrified of getting involved in another relationship with a man, I have so many trust issues to deal with and I fear that he will be another addict... I have a long ways to go in healing and this board helps me tremendously...

horriblethisis

allthatsgood took the words right out of my mouth!