Just curious....

Old 08-08-2013, 08:35 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I've been laying low for a while, partly because I'm back in the States due to my father's health and dealing with that, partly because I'm busy working hard on letting my life develop more holistically, having broken all contact with my former partner about 5 months ago (I've stopped counting days, which makes me feel great), and partly because I'm beginning to reign in some of my commentary, which, of late, I feel is just an extension of my illness.

I'm a bit conflicted because, although I've learned so much from what others have shared, both in my Nar-Anon group (and in the literature) and here on SR, I often hear a voice inside of me now that says, "Just be quiet"... When I look back on some of my early posts here, I find that I was often too strident, or too absolute in my thinking... At this point in my recovery, I can see the attributes of what we call here "co-dependency" in so many people, but whereas, in the recent past, I might have tried to say something (usually by way of sharing my own experience), I've started to understand just how deeply transformative the process of recovery really is, and so my reaction, more and more, is to just listen.... and to also walk away from something that is so messy that I feel myself being triggered.

And yet, as I said, I have been helped by what others have shared, so I'm trying to let myself really feel what's going on in this "step" while not getting too involved in it -- just letting it happen. When I think about those in my group with many years of recovery, or folks here like Ann or Kindeyes, who say things that are succinct, restrained and well-measured, I understand that my recovery is only beginning.
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Old 08-08-2013, 12:53 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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I started coming here for help to fix my son.

What I've received is a Bachelor's degree worth of insight into my own codependency issues that affect all of my relationships.
I continue to read here because I want my Master's.

I post here because I want to share what I've learned, in my own way.

You never know which post might help to turn someone's light bulb on.
Could be a huggy one or it could be a thump in the head.

Mine came on with a thump.
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Old 08-09-2013, 08:00 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I keep coming back because life has not quit.

I _love_ the people here. There is such a depth of strength, and kindness, and hope in the people who post here. It helps me deal with all the darkness and hardship I see in the world around me.

I have made deep friendships here, and it's much easier to pop in and see how they are doing than voice phone or text.

I am not yet perfect. From time to time I foul up something in my life. Reading through the posts reminds me of lessons I have forgotten, experience I thought I had. I see how other peeps live their lives and I find ways to keep my life going in a similar direction.

Now and then I see something where I can actually contribute. That is my way of giving back to the community that has given so much to me. I don't think I will ever give back even a small fraction of the love, kindness and wisdom that was given to me, so I just give what I can.

There is hope in this world. Hope for _anyone_, no matter how horrid their life. SR is an example of that hope, and that there are still a lot of good people in the world who actually care about perfect strangers.

Mike
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Old 08-09-2013, 12:24 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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DesertEyes......that was perfect.

(((((Thank you for writing it.)))))
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Old 08-09-2013, 04:46 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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When I first joined here my life was totally unmanageable. I couldn't figure it out. I got out of a long term abusive relationship (some people get less jail time for murder then what I spent in my marriage), bought a new house (foreclosure). Life was good. Right???

Then why didn't I have better coping skills then to sink into drinking myself into oblivion?

I know I am on the wrong board to be posting this, but it is what it is!!!!!!!!!

I came here on the newcomers forum. A few months later, I started to post on the "family and friends" section. This board became my "family", and my "friends".

I am a "codie", through and through. I have been learning not to try to fix things, but I still have that damn "caring" thing there. I learned a lot from my abusive relationship, and I found out that leaving is not as scary as it sounds.

I am in recovery, I will always be in recovery. I came here, and so many people opened up their hearts to me. I felt loved, I felt accepted. I really didn't know what that felt like before.

I still have a lot of work to do on me, but I have done a lot of work on me also. So many I took one or two steps towards recovery, and that is the part that I want to share with others. That life doesn't have to suck, that you can leave and you can be happy. So others can see what an abusive relationship is like, and that there are others, that been there, did that, got the t shirt. That you can make changes in your life.

That is how I pay it forward.

I try to give the newcomers here, that were in the situation I was in, the understanding that I needed when I sought out help.

What I get in return, --- I will always need a reality check, and at times that SR 2x 4. My life is not perfect, and never will be. I learn how to deal with them here. If I think I will be making a possible stupid mistake, I come here first.

No man is an island, people need people, and I trust the people here. I just hope that I can help just one person, as much as this forum has helped me.

"Friends and Family" is my friends and family. I'll never leave.


Edited to add: I am usually on friends and family of alcoholics. I really don't know much about drug addiction. I just really liked this thread.
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Old 08-09-2013, 05:03 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I, too, came looking for ways to help my daughter - worried sick and desperate for answers.

I don't say much, but I read a LOT, and what I learned was that there was no fixing her, only me.

If, by that miracle, she turns her life around and there is no longer an imminent crisis taking over her life and the sun rose every morning on a sober, healthy young woman that is my precious girlie, I would STILL come here...because...

Her addiction - which was not MY idea - has still affected MY life in such a way as to make me almost useless. I have succumbed to the torture that is having a child in a deadly addiction, and lost myself in the process.

There is a wound in my heart - and though the attacker pulled out the knife and the surgeon stitched up the hole, it still hurts, and there's a scar that will be with me the rest of my life. The extreme pain might go away a bit, but the experience will have left me traumatized and I will need help dealing with that.

That's the horrible thing for those of us on the side-lines - we are collateral damage and stuck with the consequences of PSTD, too. Especially if your addict is your child.
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