Does she do drugs? Help!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Does she do drugs? Help!
I have a new girlfriend and we've been together now for around 2 months. I knew her for some more months before (same college) but as I'm getting to know her better, I start to get worried as well and I wondered if she is doing drugs...
It's just so strange, I don't know what else could explain it. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), I have no experience with drugs at all, so I don't have any idea what it might be and what to do, or what to look for...
I will try to describe the behavior and things that seem strange to me.
She seems to be so very distracted and forgetful. Sometimes I tell her things and she answers and comments on it, but when I refer to it next day she doesn't remember I've told it at all. Or sometimes I say something, get an answer and then there is like, five seconds pause, and then she says "What did you say? Sorry, I don't remember, I wasn't listening." - "But you've answered." - "Yeah, but that's just automatically, I didn't pay attention." Like that.
Or she speaks herself and then there is only the slightest distraction, like me sneezing, or some noise from the other side of the street, or anything, and she stops in mid-sentence, like "Where was I? What was I saying?" and just lost her train of thought and doesn't remember what she's been talking about.
The same with things like appointments, duties... she just keeps forgetting. She's always at least 30 minutes late to every appointment because she usually leaves the house and goes back 2 or 3 times because she forgot anything - everyday things you always have to take with you, like keys. One time she forgot her shoes and noticed only when she was over the street and wanted to get into the bus!
Or last week, we went to the supermarket. It was raining and she was holding her umbrella, and she didn't notice she should close it and put it away, so she was holding it all the time and only at the checkout she first noticed (I know it's mean I didn't say something but it was just so strange and I wanted to see if she'd notice herself at any point). I mean some people are scatterbrained, but that?!
In contrast to that, I've seen her work on things so precise, focused and organized like I've not ever seen someone before. She'll then be working for, like fourteen hours without a break, even without eating, fully concentrated. Other days she can't concentrate on putting a pizza into the oven and not forgetting it.
There are times she is extremely jittery, can't sit or stand still, always moving in any way, tapping feet etc.. Then mostly keeps talking a lot, and fast, and sometimes in a way that it confuses me and/or is hard to follow, and often about things I wouldn't dream of thinking about. She does then always need something in her hands to play with, or toss around, or if there is nothing, she keeps pacing back and forth.
Other times she is so quiet and doesn't say a word and just sits somewhere. Maybe reading, maybe just staring at something. Especially lights. She loves candles or colored lamps, like the ones that change from red to green to blue... and keeps staring at it. She's got her sleeping room full of them. I mean some people like those, but have you ever seen someone sitting in front of it and staring at it for an hour?
Often she gets lost, and not only at places she doesn't know, no, everywhere. Even inside buildings (like university etc).
And she is so easily startled, if the phone rings she sometimes looks like she's going to have a heart attack.
Motor abilities seem a bit strange also. I've often seen her stumble over something (mostly her own feet) and I think there is no stairs inside our whole campus she hasn't fallen down already.
She goes to bed around 4 in the morning and sleeps only 3-5 hours. Every few days, it seems, there is a day she catches up some sleep and sleeps half the day, but still, I find it strange.
In case of eating, she often forgets to eat (that's what she says) and doesn't eat much. Or she's just not hungry. She keeps telling me she usually doesn't feel hunger. She isn't much underweight and i'd say it's not an eating disorder (my sister was anorectic/bulimic a long time and that was so totally different). If others eat around her, she eats something, too. She just seems to forget about it when she's alone.
There are days she is normally hungry and eats normal as well, but the other thing is what I see mostly.
And she has such strange eyes. Never looks at you when talking but wandering around everywhere in the room. Outside she's always wearing sunglasses, the only time she doesn't is at night or if the sky is extremely clouded so it's quite dark.
Then there is this complete refusal to see a doctor – she says she hates doctors and has a "doctor-phobia". She always locks the door when she goes to the toilet, even when she thinks she is alone at home (I've caught her doing so when she didn't know I was still there one time). I asked her why and she just said she's so afraid someone could barge in and see her on the toilet she needs to lock the door or otherwise she just couldn't pee. The same for taking a bath or shower. She said as her boyfriend I could see her showering if she knows I'll be inside the room it's not a problem and we leave the door open, but if she doesn't know if I'd just come in, I'd startle her too much if I did so, so she locks the door to feel safe that no one will suddenly come in and startle her. That's what she says... and to me it's strange.
I now simply don't know what to do. When I asked her directly she of course said she doesn't do anything like drugs and that I must be crazy. I'm afraid if I am too insistent she'll just break up and that's it. She is completely alone, her family lives on another continent and as she moved here only a few months ago her close friends are around 500 miles away and I don't know a single one of them.
Can anyone of you tell me how this sounds for you and what I could do about it?
It's just so strange, I don't know what else could explain it. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), I have no experience with drugs at all, so I don't have any idea what it might be and what to do, or what to look for...
I will try to describe the behavior and things that seem strange to me.
She seems to be so very distracted and forgetful. Sometimes I tell her things and she answers and comments on it, but when I refer to it next day she doesn't remember I've told it at all. Or sometimes I say something, get an answer and then there is like, five seconds pause, and then she says "What did you say? Sorry, I don't remember, I wasn't listening." - "But you've answered." - "Yeah, but that's just automatically, I didn't pay attention." Like that.
Or she speaks herself and then there is only the slightest distraction, like me sneezing, or some noise from the other side of the street, or anything, and she stops in mid-sentence, like "Where was I? What was I saying?" and just lost her train of thought and doesn't remember what she's been talking about.
The same with things like appointments, duties... she just keeps forgetting. She's always at least 30 minutes late to every appointment because she usually leaves the house and goes back 2 or 3 times because she forgot anything - everyday things you always have to take with you, like keys. One time she forgot her shoes and noticed only when she was over the street and wanted to get into the bus!
Or last week, we went to the supermarket. It was raining and she was holding her umbrella, and she didn't notice she should close it and put it away, so she was holding it all the time and only at the checkout she first noticed (I know it's mean I didn't say something but it was just so strange and I wanted to see if she'd notice herself at any point). I mean some people are scatterbrained, but that?!
In contrast to that, I've seen her work on things so precise, focused and organized like I've not ever seen someone before. She'll then be working for, like fourteen hours without a break, even without eating, fully concentrated. Other days she can't concentrate on putting a pizza into the oven and not forgetting it.
There are times she is extremely jittery, can't sit or stand still, always moving in any way, tapping feet etc.. Then mostly keeps talking a lot, and fast, and sometimes in a way that it confuses me and/or is hard to follow, and often about things I wouldn't dream of thinking about. She does then always need something in her hands to play with, or toss around, or if there is nothing, she keeps pacing back and forth.
Other times she is so quiet and doesn't say a word and just sits somewhere. Maybe reading, maybe just staring at something. Especially lights. She loves candles or colored lamps, like the ones that change from red to green to blue... and keeps staring at it. She's got her sleeping room full of them. I mean some people like those, but have you ever seen someone sitting in front of it and staring at it for an hour?
Often she gets lost, and not only at places she doesn't know, no, everywhere. Even inside buildings (like university etc).
And she is so easily startled, if the phone rings she sometimes looks like she's going to have a heart attack.
Motor abilities seem a bit strange also. I've often seen her stumble over something (mostly her own feet) and I think there is no stairs inside our whole campus she hasn't fallen down already.
She goes to bed around 4 in the morning and sleeps only 3-5 hours. Every few days, it seems, there is a day she catches up some sleep and sleeps half the day, but still, I find it strange.
In case of eating, she often forgets to eat (that's what she says) and doesn't eat much. Or she's just not hungry. She keeps telling me she usually doesn't feel hunger. She isn't much underweight and i'd say it's not an eating disorder (my sister was anorectic/bulimic a long time and that was so totally different). If others eat around her, she eats something, too. She just seems to forget about it when she's alone.
There are days she is normally hungry and eats normal as well, but the other thing is what I see mostly.
And she has such strange eyes. Never looks at you when talking but wandering around everywhere in the room. Outside she's always wearing sunglasses, the only time she doesn't is at night or if the sky is extremely clouded so it's quite dark.
Then there is this complete refusal to see a doctor – she says she hates doctors and has a "doctor-phobia". She always locks the door when she goes to the toilet, even when she thinks she is alone at home (I've caught her doing so when she didn't know I was still there one time). I asked her why and she just said she's so afraid someone could barge in and see her on the toilet she needs to lock the door or otherwise she just couldn't pee. The same for taking a bath or shower. She said as her boyfriend I could see her showering if she knows I'll be inside the room it's not a problem and we leave the door open, but if she doesn't know if I'd just come in, I'd startle her too much if I did so, so she locks the door to feel safe that no one will suddenly come in and startle her. That's what she says... and to me it's strange.
I now simply don't know what to do. When I asked her directly she of course said she doesn't do anything like drugs and that I must be crazy. I'm afraid if I am too insistent she'll just break up and that's it. She is completely alone, her family lives on another continent and as she moved here only a few months ago her close friends are around 500 miles away and I don't know a single one of them.
Can anyone of you tell me how this sounds for you and what I could do about it?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: nc
Posts: 101
Mabey she has adhd and when shes jittery its from her meds?? She could be embarrassed to tell you....Just a "maybe". As for the bathroom thing MOST women prefer not to be caught in the "hoover" position so thats likely why she locks the door.....even in the shower we have to bend in odd positions while shaving etc so....yea thats easier when we have comfort of knowing noone will be walking in
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 128
ADD/ADHD comes to mind. But other than that, there's nothing you've described that stands out as drug abuse red flags. We can always twist things to see what we want to see. Anything you've noticed could be explained in many different ways.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I have a friend who knows she's ADHD but has never seen a doctor for it. She's middle aged, an attorney and successful. Your description of your gf reminded me of my friend immediately. She somehow found a balance in her life that works for her, though it drives others around her crazy at times. Most can only take her presence in small doses and thankfully she has lots of friends. I learned I'm fine with her for no longer than 36 hours (she's a travel buddy). Somewhere right around 37 hours I start to lose it while she remains the same 
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
Honestly.. if I found out that anyone was looking at my with that much of a microscope I'd go batty (battier than usual). Seriously, if she's bugging you that much and you're having to get sort of creepily obsessed with her every twitch, maybe she's not the woman of your dreams.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,294
A lot of completely normal people would function like this if they went to bed at 4 am and lived off so little sleep.
The description could fit more than one scenario, but first and foremost nobody is going to function well off severe sleep deprivation.
On top of that, natural brain mis-firings from something like fairly severe ADHD, or chemically induced brain mis-firings from drugs are also possibilities.
The question arises, if this is the way she chooses to live, and be, is this what you want in a partner?
CLMI
The description could fit more than one scenario, but first and foremost nobody is going to function well off severe sleep deprivation.
On top of that, natural brain mis-firings from something like fairly severe ADHD, or chemically induced brain mis-firings from drugs are also possibilities.
The question arises, if this is the way she chooses to live, and be, is this what you want in a partner?
CLMI
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by woundwort 
I have a new girlfriend and we've been together now for around 2 months.
Then there is this complete refusal to see a doctor – she says she hates doctors and has a "doctor-phobia". She always locks the door when she goes to the toilet, even when she thinks she is alone at home (I've caught her doing so when she didn't know I was still there one time).
Then there is this complete refusal to see a doctor – she says she hates doctors and has a "doctor-phobia". She always locks the door when she goes to the toilet, even when she thinks she is alone at home (I've caught her doing so when she didn't know I was still there one time).
You've been seeing her for two months. She always locks the bathroom door. So do I, what of it? And the fact you noticed it while she didn't know you were there?? No wonder she locks it. Maybe she suspected you were still there - I'd be afraid of you too.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Wow. You described Bill Gates quite well. Seriously. He's very quirky.
Clutzy - check
Late - check
Little sleep - check
Forgetful - check
Easily distracted - check
But can concentrate better than anyone else - check
Odd behavior at times - check
Genius - check
My point is that we all have foibles. If our foibles are disconcerting to another person, we may not be well suited as partners. I certainly have my foibles and my dear husband tells me that those foibles are what are endearing. It doesn't sound like you are charmed by your GF's issues.
gentle hugs
ke
Clutzy - check
Late - check
Little sleep - check
Forgetful - check
Easily distracted - check
But can concentrate better than anyone else - check
Odd behavior at times - check
Genius - check
My point is that we all have foibles. If our foibles are disconcerting to another person, we may not be well suited as partners. I certainly have my foibles and my dear husband tells me that those foibles are what are endearing. It doesn't sound like you are charmed by your GF's issues.
gentle hugs
ke
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