Charli88

I posted here about 2 months ago. I started dating this girl that had been almost half a year clean after she had been sent to rehab for xannax and coke. I kept dating her, against the advice of many of you. Last week she relapsed and she relapsed hard, she spent around 300 dollars on drugs of which she did throughout a single weekend... I'm very surprised she didn't die with that amount. About 20 xannax bars including the coke.

When she was on it it was as if she was someone else. She lied to my face repeatedly, I desperately tried to help her but I couldn't so I ended up telling her parents who took her immediately to an NA meeting. When she found out I had told her parents she cursed at me and told me she never wanted to see me again and that I'd be responsible for her father if he had a heart attack.

I threatened to break up with her during and after. After the ordeal she begged me not to. Told me she wants to live and love and be loved and that she knows she can't do that on drugs. Its only been a couple of days since the incident.

I believe she means it but I honestly don't think I can handle another relapse let alone if she died. I am paranoid. I feel like I love her and it feels like someone is taking her away from me. I don't know what to do. I really don't want to leave her.

doublewhammy

Charli88,

I am sorry for your pain.

You wouldn't be leaving her, because honestly you don't have her right now. Her addiction has her now. She isn't truly with you in this state of her addiction. If you stay with her you are being unfair to yourself and settling for someone that isn't able to give you the love and companionship you are looking for, even if she says she wants to.

The longer you wait, the harder it gets.

Be strong, take care of yourself.

suki44883

Addicts lie and manipulate. If having you in her life would keep her from using, why did she relapse? She's saying whatever she thinks you want to hear. It's only a matter of time before she uses again. You cannot trust a single word she says at this point. If you stay with her, you are in for more disappointment. Sorry, but that is guaranteed.

dollydo

Hands off the addict! She, in her present frame of mind has no business being in a relationship with anyone. If she is serious about her recovery, that is the only thing she must focus on.

She will tell you anything that she believes you want to hear. That is what addicts do, lie, manipulate and con others. It is part of the disease.

You can help her by backing out of the relationship for now, let her work on her recovery and you work on yours. If she gets her act together, in a year or so, possibly you can reunite.

There is no hurry, if this relationship is mean't to be, it will happen.

tallgirl77

Charli88....I have been where you are and recently. I had to get away from my EXABF no matter how much I loved him for my own sanity and the saftey of my kids. As others have stated, you didn't cause this, you can't cure it and you can't control it. I've been told similar things by my exabf like you have by your GF...it doesn't get any better. They will tell you whatever they think you want to hear. It's best for you to walk away and like others have said focus on your own recovery and if she's serious about her's she will do the same.

Hugs to you...

Freedom1990

When I relapsed after 4 years, and finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired, I went back to my home 12 step group. That is where the help is for the addict, along with plenty of qualified counselors and therapists in this world.

outtolunch

If our love could cure addiction, absolutely none of us would be here.

Nothing you say or do can keep her clean or cause a relapse. You are not that powerful. None of us are.

You can love her and let go of the fantasy that you have control over her and her choices. Loving her/wishing the best for her is not the same thing as having a front row seat to the lies, constant manipulation and chaos.

WiltedLily

I can understand where you are coming from, but I have to agree, to get outta the way now. The longer you stick around the harder it is to leave. (Believe me, I know) Hope you can do what's best for you and best of luck to you.