Friend addicted to narcotics, scaring me
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 4
Friend addicted to narcotics, scaring me
I've been worried for my friend who lives longdistance for 3-4 years. After doing the doctor-shopping, ER visits, and getting a local pharmacist in her back pocket, she is abusing dilaudid, but does not have a condition that people take dilaudid for. She's a former RN and legal professional, sharp with manipulating & using words with docs to get/continue the dilaudid.
She has changed markedly in this time. She's now either groggy or crazy-elated. Her main theme on the phone is now her dilaudid, how to ensure she gets it, possibly adding another pain med to it, etc. There is now an element of(it seems) Munchausen's as well, with repeated hospital admissions to insist on being put on IVs for nausea, until the hospital finally put their foot down on repeated admissions and said "Wait until you can eat/drink in a few hours next time, and do so."
I just got the most disturbing phonecall. She wants to try to talk a new doc she found into inserting a temporary feeding tube, and installing a port for an IV at home by a home health aide. And, she decided that the hospital won't let her keep coming for admissions, because of money.
I felt so sick after her call, like toxic yuck was poured into me. The dilaudid has made her break from reality, be delusional, and enhanced the Munchausen's (or whatever it may be).
I want my friend back. Her hubby tried to prevent her taking these drugs to numb herself at the start, but she's pretty controlling. I live far away. The phonecalls are disturbing me, becoming toxic. I now must shut my answering machine OFF when I have guests over, as it announces to the room, and I don't want them to hear toxic yuck.
Every phonecall will have the same delusions, dilaudid themes, Munchausens, disturbing themes. This is making me sick inside for days after each call.
Watching her self-destruct is too much to ask of me as a friend. Listening to her validate her addiction is too stressful/sickening.
If I ask her to please only contact me after getting help for her dilaudid addiction on the phone, her response likely will be extreme hostility/attacking or extreme victim-playing. Should I email? I want my friend back. I want myself to not feel distubed/sick inside with contact with her, I wish to feel okay. Ideas?
She has changed markedly in this time. She's now either groggy or crazy-elated. Her main theme on the phone is now her dilaudid, how to ensure she gets it, possibly adding another pain med to it, etc. There is now an element of(it seems) Munchausen's as well, with repeated hospital admissions to insist on being put on IVs for nausea, until the hospital finally put their foot down on repeated admissions and said "Wait until you can eat/drink in a few hours next time, and do so."
I just got the most disturbing phonecall. She wants to try to talk a new doc she found into inserting a temporary feeding tube, and installing a port for an IV at home by a home health aide. And, she decided that the hospital won't let her keep coming for admissions, because of money.
I felt so sick after her call, like toxic yuck was poured into me. The dilaudid has made her break from reality, be delusional, and enhanced the Munchausen's (or whatever it may be).
I want my friend back. Her hubby tried to prevent her taking these drugs to numb herself at the start, but she's pretty controlling. I live far away. The phonecalls are disturbing me, becoming toxic. I now must shut my answering machine OFF when I have guests over, as it announces to the room, and I don't want them to hear toxic yuck.
Every phonecall will have the same delusions, dilaudid themes, Munchausens, disturbing themes. This is making me sick inside for days after each call.
Watching her self-destruct is too much to ask of me as a friend. Listening to her validate her addiction is too stressful/sickening.
If I ask her to please only contact me after getting help for her dilaudid addiction on the phone, her response likely will be extreme hostility/attacking or extreme victim-playing. Should I email? I want my friend back. I want myself to not feel distubed/sick inside with contact with her, I wish to feel okay. Ideas?
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((DayLilly))) - welcome to SR, though sorry for what has brought you here.
I am a recovering codependent (loved ones A's (addicts/alcoholics) as well as a recovering addict. Though it was crack that eventually brought me to my knees, I lost a nursing career because of opiate abuse (including dilaudid).
She probably WILL not react very well when you tell her you know longer want to hear about her efforts to get the dope (and continue destroying herself) but the person you have to put FIRST is you.
I left my last bf because he continued to smoke crack. I told him I loved him, but I just didn't want to be a part of that world any more. The only time I had any contact was when he was in jail (and clean) but as soon as I told him I wouldn't send money, he stopped writing.
It's not easy, but there is nothing you can do or say that will make her get help for herself. Most of us A's had to have a lot of bad consequences (including losing friends, family, careers, etc.) before we even thought of recovery. I've been able to get back the friends (non-using ones) and family..nursing career is still gone.
You may want to read through the F&F (Friends & Family/substance abuse) forum. There are a lot of people there who are, or have, gone through similar things. I know it made ME feel good to know I wasn't alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I am a recovering codependent (loved ones A's (addicts/alcoholics) as well as a recovering addict. Though it was crack that eventually brought me to my knees, I lost a nursing career because of opiate abuse (including dilaudid).
She probably WILL not react very well when you tell her you know longer want to hear about her efforts to get the dope (and continue destroying herself) but the person you have to put FIRST is you.
I left my last bf because he continued to smoke crack. I told him I loved him, but I just didn't want to be a part of that world any more. The only time I had any contact was when he was in jail (and clean) but as soon as I told him I wouldn't send money, he stopped writing.
It's not easy, but there is nothing you can do or say that will make her get help for herself. Most of us A's had to have a lot of bad consequences (including losing friends, family, careers, etc.) before we even thought of recovery. I've been able to get back the friends (non-using ones) and family..nursing career is still gone.
You may want to read through the F&F (Friends & Family/substance abuse) forum. There are a lot of people there who are, or have, gone through similar things. I know it made ME feel good to know I wasn't alone.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 4
Amy, what courage and strength you have, and all recovering addicts must have, to have come so far and gone through so much. This is all new to me. I'll read in the family and friends forum, as you suggested.
Thanks for the wake-up call about needing to put myself first, and sharing about having to leave your boyfriend. As I said, you've got courage!
I'm going to try to get my own courage up to break off contact with her and to tell her why. I'm expecting a blast of hostility. But after that, I'll just have to mourn the friendship a bit. I do need to put myself first to avoid the toxic stuff coming from her-- thank you for your kindhearted guidance. (((Hugs)))
Thanks for the wake-up call about needing to put myself first, and sharing about having to leave your boyfriend. As I said, you've got courage!
I'm going to try to get my own courage up to break off contact with her and to tell her why. I'm expecting a blast of hostility. But after that, I'll just have to mourn the friendship a bit. I do need to put myself first to avoid the toxic stuff coming from her-- thank you for your kindhearted guidance. (((Hugs)))
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by Daylilly 
I'm going to try to get my own courage up to break off contact with her and to tell her why. I'm expecting a blast of hostility. But after that, I'll just have to mourn the friendship a bit. I do need to put myself first to avoid the toxic stuff coming from her--
It's okay to mourn the loss of a friendship. I'm going through that myself right now, a 29 year friendship as a matter of fact!
Sending you gentle hugs of support!
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Boston, MA
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Thank you for your input, DeVon. I agree with your philosophy. I just hate to hurt anybody, and I can still see the person I care about underneath the addiction, know? For my sanity, I know I do need to cut off contact. Thank you for your support and kindness!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Boston, MA
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I never thought of it that way. It makes perfect sense. I'd still feel safe getting calls from her, if she were not using. Thank you for your perspective and wisdom. Most of all, I appreciate your support!
I'm having my eyes opened by reading the stickies here. The concept of loving detachment makes sense to me. Thank you to everyone for your advice. Wishing you only good things!
I'm having my eyes opened by reading the stickies here. The concept of loving detachment makes sense to me. Thank you to everyone for your advice. Wishing you only good things!
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