New & need advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1
New & need advice
Hi all,
I'm new to the forum & in search of both advice and support.
My dear friend is an addict. She abuses tramadol, and she drinks. She's currently taking seven 50mg tramadol pills daily, and she drinks around 6 or 7 beers each night. She also relies on tylenolPM to sleep - typically two, but often more. She has been on and off of this pattern for years (breaking the cycle during 2 pregnancies, and for a few years after rehab). She began using again over a year ago. She confided in me & quit cold turkey this past winter, but has since relapsed & is exceeding the amount of pills and alcohol that she has taken in the past.
Aside from me, no one else knows of her habit - not even her husband or other close friends. She only admitted it to me recently after I suspected that she was using again & asked her directly.
I dont judge her, and I'm not angry at her, though I'm upset at myself for not doing more to help get her the psychological help she needed after quitting this past winter.
I'm here because I don't know what to do. I know her pattern of abuse is a train-wreck waiting to happen. We've talked about this, and the conversations are very open, respectful, and caring. She realizes what she's doing is harmful, but she "does not want to quit". I worry about her & her family, but don't know how to help her get the help she needs. Is it even possible? Can people be too far gone to want to live any other way than this?
Her addiction is affecting me, and I know this. How can I help her? How can I help myself? What should I do, and what should I NOT do??
I feel a bit lost & any advice, guidance, or experience would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
I'm new to the forum & in search of both advice and support.
My dear friend is an addict. She abuses tramadol, and she drinks. She's currently taking seven 50mg tramadol pills daily, and she drinks around 6 or 7 beers each night. She also relies on tylenolPM to sleep - typically two, but often more. She has been on and off of this pattern for years (breaking the cycle during 2 pregnancies, and for a few years after rehab). She began using again over a year ago. She confided in me & quit cold turkey this past winter, but has since relapsed & is exceeding the amount of pills and alcohol that she has taken in the past.
Aside from me, no one else knows of her habit - not even her husband or other close friends. She only admitted it to me recently after I suspected that she was using again & asked her directly.
I dont judge her, and I'm not angry at her, though I'm upset at myself for not doing more to help get her the psychological help she needed after quitting this past winter.
I'm here because I don't know what to do. I know her pattern of abuse is a train-wreck waiting to happen. We've talked about this, and the conversations are very open, respectful, and caring. She realizes what she's doing is harmful, but she "does not want to quit". I worry about her & her family, but don't know how to help her get the help she needs. Is it even possible? Can people be too far gone to want to live any other way than this?
Her addiction is affecting me, and I know this. How can I help her? How can I help myself? What should I do, and what should I NOT do??
I feel a bit lost & any advice, guidance, or experience would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi chinarider, Welcome to SR!
You have found a wonderful place for advice and support, although I am sorry about what brings you here.
Addiction is a powerful, cunning, and baffling disease. One thing we learn here and in our face-to-face support groups (like Al-Anon) is a concept we call the 3C's.
We did not cause the addiction.
We cannot control the addict.
We cannot cure the addict.
You said that your friend has been through rehab. That means that she has the "tools" she needs for recovery. In other words, she knows what she has to do, she just wants to do this for herself more than anything else.
There is lots of great information here, especially in the "stickes" at the top of each forum. Keep coming back!
HG
You have found a wonderful place for advice and support, although I am sorry about what brings you here.
Addiction is a powerful, cunning, and baffling disease. One thing we learn here and in our face-to-face support groups (like Al-Anon) is a concept we call the 3C's.
We did not cause the addiction.
We cannot control the addict.
We cannot cure the addict.
You said that your friend has been through rehab. That means that she has the "tools" she needs for recovery. In other words, she knows what she has to do, she just wants to do this for herself more than anything else.
There is lots of great information here, especially in the "stickes" at the top of each forum. Keep coming back!
HG
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome to SR, I am sorry about your friend but what Hydrogirl said is true, the only person who can change this is she herself.
I suspect her husband knows too, and her close family. Addiction is often the elephant in the living room that everyone steps around and pretends is not there. But sooner or later the crunch of peanut shells becomes deafening.
Al-anon, nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us find our balance again and learn to live better, even with addiction in our lives. Maybe try a few meetings and see if they don't help you too. And stick around here, you will learn more about what you are dealing with and ways we find to cope.
Glad you joined us.
Hugs
I suspect her husband knows too, and her close family. Addiction is often the elephant in the living room that everyone steps around and pretends is not there. But sooner or later the crunch of peanut shells becomes deafening.
Al-anon, nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us find our balance again and learn to live better, even with addiction in our lives. Maybe try a few meetings and see if they don't help you too. And stick around here, you will learn more about what you are dealing with and ways we find to cope.
Glad you joined us.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome....we understand how difficult it is to watch someone you love lose themselves to addiction.
I can only ditto what Hydrogirl said. You can't do anything to make your friend want to stay clean and sober. She has to want it for herself. You can interface with her in a way that is healthy for you because ultimately, that is what will be healthiest for her as well.
gentle hugs
ke
I can only ditto what Hydrogirl said. You can't do anything to make your friend want to stay clean and sober. She has to want it for herself. You can interface with her in a way that is healthy for you because ultimately, that is what will be healthiest for her as well.
gentle hugs
ke
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
