tjp613

Peanut - Please be careful. If he is showing signs of increasing agitation, real physical violence could be the next thing coming. Try to lay low and keep things calm as possible until you figure out an exit plan.

peanut21

Hurtbad2505: He has just left so I will be calling those #'s here shortly. As far as his home incarceration he was sentenced to 4 1/2 years suspended sentence spent 6 months in jail and 3years of house arrest. This is his second time of house arrest the first time he also got 3 years. He has never had an ankle braclet. Because of the type of work he does (CDL Driver who pumps concrete in a pump truck) he gets concrete everywhere and works at any hours of the day and night and the hours are always different not regualar one day he will work at midnight till 2 or 3 in the afternoon and he could have the next day off. or work at 2 in the afternoon till 6 in the evening. It is always different.
tjp613: Yesterday he slept most of the day again but yes I try to just stay out of his way and I don't think we said 5 words to each other all day. I try to keep myself busy and out of his way. He has only ever been physical once several years ago while coming down off crack not an excuse and that can change at any time I am sure. I left him then and wish I would have stayed gone.

Also, I talked to my son in the Marines yesterday he tells me to get out and get the kids out. He told me if he has to he will come get me and take me to CA to live with him and his wife. They are expecting their first baby and he is getting ready to deploy. I told him to let me call these numbers and see what I can do first I do not want to disrupt their life if I don't have to.

Freedom1990

Just my two cents on this. God has presented an opportunity to you, especially in the event the calls don't get you anywhere.

I'm sure your son doesn't look at it as a disruption, but as doing something for a mother he loves dearly.

It would be temporary, yes?

Sometimes we don't see the gifts life is offering us!

:ghug3

peaches28

I would suggest your local Salvation Army, as well. Some cities have family living centers that can help you get on your feet. Their Adult Rehabilitation Program is great, too, for the addicts.

hello-kitty

Girl, you have no excuse now. How wonderful! You can live in a beatiful state, you can provide your other son with some stability and a strong example of what it takes to be a responsible man through his brother the marine, and you can help care for your new grandbaby.

Sometimes solutions fall from heaven... it's up to us to pick them up and take advantage of them.

Your not stuck sweetie. Your not a hostage. You have choices. I know it's hard but you can save yourself if you choose to.

suki44883

I agree that this solution is heaven sent. With him deploying soon and his wife pregnant, you could be a great help to them and he won't worry as much about leaving. It sounds like a solution for both of you. I do hope you will seriously consider taking him up on his offer.

peanut21

UPdate: I called the numbers given to me and was told that yes I could go to the Womens Shelter with the boys I would have 6 weeks to find a place to go. I asked about other services and explained I do not have any income. What they told me is that with 0 income I could not get help because I had to be able to show that I could pay my monthly expenses. I am going to keep working on this and calling places. They did suggest trying for section 8 but again I would need some kind of income.

As for my son coming to get me and my boys I don't know for sure when that could happen he would need to get a leave to come here and that may take awhile but I am looking at all options. Trying to get some kind of plan in place.

I WILL NOT give up..I WILL figuare this out one way or another.

Thank you to everyone for your words and kindness.

peanut21

I agree with all of you about being able to help my son and his wife who is also a Marine. I would love to be able to be with my grandchild who is due in December. I will be talking to him again hopefully soon but not sure as he is out in the field. I know this is probably a wonderful thing it is just hard to but into his life as he is newly married with the baby on the way. At this point I feel beggars can't be chosers and maybe getting out of this state and away from this crazyness is for the best. My 17 year old is all for it but my 13 year old has reservations since he has friends here and loves his dad. I am scared to start over again just as he is but I also know that this is not a good situation for any of us.

Freedom1990

I don't know of anyone who isn't scared to start over again, hon.

You're not butting into his life. He offered to come and get you.

I know I have been the world's worst in the past when it comes to letting others help me. Today, I accept that help when given with a grateful heart.

laurie6781

Peanut what a wonderful door has opened for you!!!!!

If you say yes to your son, then he can talk to his CO and get 'emergency family leave', yes the military, all branches do this when there is a crisis, and this is a CRISIS!!!!! He is very worried about his mom and siblings and the situation y'all are in.

Please 'allow' him to do for you. He loves you.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

ps: I am sure your daughter-in-law will more than appreciate the extra 'hands' to help with everything, especially as her pregnancy advances and then the baby is here.

peanut21

Yes my son understands he lived it for several years and has hated it and does not want his brothers to keep going through this. I had left my husband for a year and things had changed it seems as soon as we came back things went back to the way they were before. Then this medical condition made it so we (me and the kids) have been stuck. When my son and his wife came for Christmas things were not so good as it was during the time my brother and then my brother-in-law passed away while they were here. They have seen what was happening and he does not like it at all.

MissTara

I agree with freedom1990, I dont think that your Son would think of having you guys live with them a disruption. I think your Son has stepped up to the plate and now you have an opportunity to get out if you choose to. It is probably a disruption to him knowing that you guys are still there in that situation. It may not seem like it now, but it will get better once you start making some changes for the better. I had to start over after losing everything and living with family, and it took 2 years to get stable, but it is so worth it. You can do this, have faith in you and your HP! Sending good vibes your way & I hope all went well with the phone calls...

Freedom1990

I also wanted to add, that as someone who went through the process of applying for disability, and finally getting it after 4 years, I'd jump at the prospect of starting over fresh, and not having the added stress of an active addict in my life. The disability process is stressful enough in and of itself!

MsPINKAcres

((peanut))

You have been given some wonderful choices to make ~ now you get to decide if you want to take the chance to be Happy, Joyous and Free or continue on the same cold, dark, lonely path.

I completely understand about your children loving their father and not wanting to leave their friends - all the other excuses - It's scary, it's hard and it's not fun at all. I can relate.

I truly know. Many of us do ~ we stayed, we thought it really wasn't so bad, the alcoholic would get better next time, they wouldn't spend all the paycheck next time, they wouldn't scream so loud, hit so hard, drive drunk, steal my stuff or the kid's stuff. The drug dealers really won't come looking for him, he wouldn't try to take my retirement, my house, my car just to pay them off until the next drink, hit or high. . .

Our kids really won't grow up to be like him, or be in a relationship with someone just like him or her - now would they - but then again - if unhealthiness is all they have seen - then how will they know to look for something different.

I don't write this to be harsh or cruel ~ I just know that someone said once to me - "Rita, you have 5 daughters - which one would you want to live in the marriage you have? Which one deserves to be treated as you are being treated?"

Of course i said "They deserve so much better" and my friend replied to me "Rita, so do you"

So Peanut - YOU deserve so much better and by treating yourself with that love, dignity and respect - YOU teach your children that THEY deserve the same love, dignity and respect.

That was one of the main motivators for me - I've been out of the dysfunction for almost 3 yrs now - Never once do I say - I should have stayed one more day!

Just my experience, strength and hope - You my friend must walk your own path - you will know when the time is right for you!

PINK HUGS,
Rita