angie4

I have been posting alot lately. Mostly on boudaries (which I have none). I have been trying to learn about them and force myself to set them and then enforce them (havent accomplished this yet).
My AH has been doing really good for the past month (or so it seems). He has been seeing a doctor who perscribes suboxone and it seemed to be doing the trick. Anything is better than the stealing, lying and drug dealers.
This past week a very close friend of my mine came to visit me. I am sure you all know him. His name is "gut feeling". Me and "gut feeling" have a really close and intiment relationship. So my friend has been telling me something isnt right. You see, when my AH relapes (which has never been more than a copule weeks after sobrority) the first thing I notice is his eye (pupils the size of pins). Then what is to follow is: the phonecalls, my husband MIA, and then the disappearing of our $. Of course thru this whole downward spiral the lies, lies and more lies. Never an honest word shall pass his lips during this time. Each time he says I am crazy and not doing my part. I should give him the benefit of the doubt if I want this marriage to work. Nothing (and he means nothing) is going on and I just need to leave it alone. These tortoureous (sp?) words make me feel guilty and absolutley CRAZY! Which, I am sure is the point. Anything to get me off the trail Right?
Well, here we are again. 2 weeks of me and "gut feeling" hanging out on a daily basis. And we have now moved into the $ disappearing faze (I gave hime $ for a doctor appt ~ he has a very large cyst type thing on his houlder) this morning and what do you know he never showed up. However, according to him they are sending him to a specialist. What a joke.
I have honestly done very well the past couple of days. I have tried a new tool. I have set 2 appointments on my phone that seems to be helping. The first one allows me a half an hour to stress about him. This seems to help me get thru the rest of the day. The second one reminds me to lay ny AH at the feet of jesus and let him handle it. This too seems to help some. But now we are at the lies again (which is the only boundry I have) and now I am going to have to do something about it. i cant keep going this way. I have given this man everything, my youth, my life, my love, my children and this is how he returns it. I am desperate for this to be over, lord give me the stregenth and the tools I need to get thru it.

suki44883

It might be a good idea for you to open a bank account that he cannot access (at a different bank than you currently use) and move money into it and continue to put money in it regularly. There is nothing wrong with being financially prepared.

hello-kitty

How are you trying to set boundaries? Or are you still set on trying to change him into the man you think he should be? It's really about accepting a person as they are and then improving yourself. What do you want out of life Amy?

[URL="http://addictionrecoverybasics.com/relationship-boundaries-4-mistakes-made-in-establishing-relationship-boundaries/"]

http://www.ehow.com/how_2081013_set-...tionships.html

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

In the meantime, please protect yourself and your children by putting some money away and making an escape plan. Think proactively. It's just going to get worse until YOU change. His actions are telling you that he's not ready to change.

dollydo

I always trust my gut, it never lies to me. If he is in fact using again, what is your plan?

You do know that your children are being affected by his addiction, Right?

I agree with Suki & Kitty, start stashing some money. When living with an addict, financial independence is so very important.

Keep posting, keep reading others posts.

kmangel

I feel for you. Your husband is not going to be able to kick this habit himself. He needs help. My son also was put on Suboxone by his doctor. I'm sure he thought he could beat his addiction. Probably most addicts try on their own first (I'm surmising) until they realize the drug is stronger than they are. Now my son is in a rehab. It's too early to tell if the rehab is going to be his saving grace or not, but today (day 12) he is finally starting to feel better. For your husband to try to stay clean off drugs by himself, when the withdrawals are running rampant through his body, is tough.

Trust your instincts. If your husband doesn't go into rehab, I don't think he's serious about getting better.

hello-kitty

I meant what do you want out of life, Angie. Sorry my typing skills suck sometimes. Let us know what you do with "gut feeling". There are reasons we get them. You don't have to accept lies in your relationship UNLESS you choose to. You have a choice. You are worthwhile and so are your kids. Be your own best friend.

lightseeker

sending prayers that you will find the tools that you need to do what you need to do. Living with addiction is soul numbing and erodes who you are.

I know how difficult it is - but putting money away REALLY helps. I have been gone for almost 4 weeks now and feel that I am really turning the corner. It just takes time. And I know how much we second guess ourselves. The further away that I get the more lucidly I am beginning to see things.

Just keep taking steps in the right direction. Sending you prayers of strength and resolve.