I admit Im an enabler to a drug addict
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I admit Im an enabler to a drug addict
I've decided as long as he wants me in his life, I'll be there for him as a friend only. Its not his fault that he has an addiction. Its a disease of the mind that got him hooked and addicted on drugs in the first place. I also know he was abused as a child and a large percentage of them are drug addicts.
He has been in and out of rehab a few times, relapsed every time. When I seen him last, it looked as if he lost 30lbs and had dark circles under his eyes.
I know hes still using and heard that he had stolen money from family and his ex. I only bring enough cash with me when I see him to give and leave the credit cards at home. He knows he isn't allowed around my house.
Far as I know his drug of choice is dope and prescription painkillers. He has made comments in the past about being depressed. I know he uses my money for support his drug addiction. He makes up a story. We don't really talk about his addiction and I don't want to pry. Im not his mother so really try hard to stay away from questioning about his addiction.
Its a personal decision why I choose to remain by his side
He has been in and out of rehab a few times, relapsed every time. When I seen him last, it looked as if he lost 30lbs and had dark circles under his eyes.
I know hes still using and heard that he had stolen money from family and his ex. I only bring enough cash with me when I see him to give and leave the credit cards at home. He knows he isn't allowed around my house.
Far as I know his drug of choice is dope and prescription painkillers. He has made comments in the past about being depressed. I know he uses my money for support his drug addiction. He makes up a story. We don't really talk about his addiction and I don't want to pry. Im not his mother so really try hard to stay away from questioning about his addiction.
Its a personal decision why I choose to remain by his side
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Originally Posted by anvilhead 
so you are willingly handing the man bullets while he holds the gun? what are you getting out of this? feeding somebody else's addiction, so you can keep feeding your own? that means you are USING him, plain and simple, for your own selfish purposes. you're PAYING HIM to stay in your life.
how sad.
how sad.
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
he's a confirmed active drug addict.
you give him money knowing full well he will spend it on drugs.
of course he threw a fit when he saw the"bank" about to close up shop.
you can leave any time you want.
but you CHOOSE not to. so not sure why you felt the need to post that HERE? that your plan is to CONTINUE to enable someone and buy their drugs?
you give him money knowing full well he will spend it on drugs.
of course he threw a fit when he saw the"bank" about to close up shop.
you can leave any time you want.
but you CHOOSE not to. so not sure why you felt the need to post that HERE? that your plan is to CONTINUE to enable someone and buy their drugs?
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Originally Posted by SarahBear
I've been battling with this decision for awhile weather to end the friendship. We did have a few months of not seeing each other. He calls me on his terms so I don't get too emotionally invested into the friendship.
Why are you helping this guy kill himself?
Will you be 'emotionally invested' if he goes out after one of your visits and od's?
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
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IMO, you have the need to be WANTED for whatever reason.
You BELIEVE he truly cares for you, when he cannot.
YOU need to work on YOU to help you with your enabling part of your personality.
Sad, but I think you're lying to yourself.
And you are actually Hurting, not helping your friend by enabling.
And sometimes, although this is very sad, some people crave drama, no matter who it hurts.
Hugs to you....
meetings are a lifesaver.
You BELIEVE he truly cares for you, when he cannot.
YOU need to work on YOU to help you with your enabling part of your personality.
Sad, but I think you're lying to yourself.
And you are actually Hurting, not helping your friend by enabling.
And sometimes, although this is very sad, some people crave drama, no matter who it hurts.
Hugs to you....
meetings are a lifesaver.
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Originally Posted by sailorjohn
I'll try to limit it to being blunt, I don't want to be a hypocrite, but this is just soooo wrong.
Why are you helping this guy kill himself?
Will you be 'emotionally invested' if he goes out after one of your visits and od's?
Why are you helping this guy kill himself?
Will you be 'emotionally invested' if he goes out after one of your visits and od's?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
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Originally Posted by SarahBear
I know he won't O'D. I just can't see him doing that.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
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Most people who OD don't do it intentionally. You are not an addict, and you have no idea what goes through the mind of one (I'm an RA and a recovering codie with loved ones who are/were addicted).
My XABF#3 died of his addiction. Though it was listed as "pneumonia" it was from years of smoking crack and cigarettes, and the need to keep getting high being more important than going to a dr.
Trust me, I should be dead from the amounts of drugs I did and the lifestyle I lived. It was never my INTENTION to OD, it was just wanting to get higher and higher.
If you want to continue to give him money, that's your choice. I don't see a "friendship" here, I see two people using each other in a very dysfunctional way.
Sorry to be harsh, but having been on both sides of the street, I will NEVER knowingly give an A any money, a soft place to land, or anything else. I won't contribute to anyone destroying themself.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
My XABF#3 died of his addiction. Though it was listed as "pneumonia" it was from years of smoking crack and cigarettes, and the need to keep getting high being more important than going to a dr.
Trust me, I should be dead from the amounts of drugs I did and the lifestyle I lived. It was never my INTENTION to OD, it was just wanting to get higher and higher.
If you want to continue to give him money, that's your choice. I don't see a "friendship" here, I see two people using each other in a very dysfunctional way.
Sorry to be harsh, but having been on both sides of the street, I will NEVER knowingly give an A any money, a soft place to land, or anything else. I won't contribute to anyone destroying themself.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Hmm.. Her post obviously triggered some strong reactions in some responses.
Remember some (including me) come to SR with really limited knowledge/experience (in my case none of either) with addiction.
It took me a lonnnng time to trust guidance offered on SR because strong reactions can be construed as judgement, even if not intended.
I've done it as well so I get how it happens, this thread seemed particularly reactive to me.. or I'm just tired and overly sensitive.
Remember some (including me) come to SR with really limited knowledge/experience (in my case none of either) with addiction.
It took me a lonnnng time to trust guidance offered on SR because strong reactions can be construed as judgement, even if not intended.
I've done it as well so I get how it happens, this thread seemed particularly reactive to me.. or I'm just tired and overly sensitive.
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
so you are willingly handing the man bullets while he holds the gun? what are you getting out of this? feeding somebody else's addiction, so you can keep feeding your own? that means you are USING him, plain and simple, for your own selfish purposes. you're PAYING HIM to stay in your life.
how sad.
how sad.
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Originally Posted by cynical one
All it takes is one bad bag of dope. Addicts die every single day not meaning to OD. Maybe the money you give him will buy that one bag for him someday.
Is this the same guy you posted about on the F&F of Alcoholics board just 5 short days ago saying you had to end the relationship? What happened to ending it?
Have you thought about getting some sort of therapy so you don't feel the need to learn how to party safer, surround yourself with men, and pay this guy to be in your life on his terms?
By chance did you happen to grow up in an alcoholic home?
Is this the same guy you posted about on the F&F of Alcoholics board just 5 short days ago saying you had to end the relationship? What happened to ending it?
Have you thought about getting some sort of therapy so you don't feel the need to learn how to party safer, surround yourself with men, and pay this guy to be in your life on his terms?
By chance did you happen to grow up in an alcoholic home?
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 146
Originally Posted by anvilhead
so you are willingly handing the man bullets while he holds the gun? what are you getting out of this? feeding somebody else's addiction, so you can keep feeding your own? that means you are USING him, plain and simple, for your own selfish purposes. you're PAYING HIM to stay in your life.
how sad.
how sad.
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 132
Sarahbear,
I'm glad you posted. I have to believe that (while you say you stand firm on the whole Giving him money thing) you are truly struggling with this. Otherwise, why come here?
And while the advise you have gotten here, may be strong. Don't be put off.
These people are very good, caring, and wise individuals. And many have had to face the decisions you are now facing.
Perhaps a less drastic approach might be..
The next time you see your friend. Instead of bringing him money, bring him food. How he reacts to this might just show you wether he sees you as a friend or is just using you! (Just my opinion)
Good luck. And maybe take some time to read some of the sticky's in friends and family. They can be quite helpful.
I'm glad you posted. I have to believe that (while you say you stand firm on the whole Giving him money thing) you are truly struggling with this. Otherwise, why come here?
And while the advise you have gotten here, may be strong. Don't be put off.
These people are very good, caring, and wise individuals. And many have had to face the decisions you are now facing.
Perhaps a less drastic approach might be..
The next time you see your friend. Instead of bringing him money, bring him food. How he reacts to this might just show you wether he sees you as a friend or is just using you! (Just my opinion)
Good luck. And maybe take some time to read some of the sticky's in friends and family. They can be quite helpful.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Baghdad
Posts: 2,822
Originally Posted by Babyblue
Hmm.. Her post obviously triggered some strong reactions in some responses.
Remember some (including me) come to SR with really limited knowledge/experience (in my case none of either) with addiction.
It took me a lonnnng time to trust guidance offered on SR because strong reactions can be construed as judgement, even if not intended.
I've done it as well so I get how it happens, this thread seemed particularly reactive to me.. or I'm just tired and overly sensitive.
Remember some (including me) come to SR with really limited knowledge/experience (in my case none of either) with addiction.
It took me a lonnnng time to trust guidance offered on SR because strong reactions can be construed as judgement, even if not intended.
I've done it as well so I get how it happens, this thread seemed particularly reactive to me.. or I'm just tired and overly sensitive.
The only way you can 'help' an active addict/alcoholic is by trying to point them in the right direction. Giving them money is not helpful.
And going back to the best reason, why would you want to be involved with someone that treats you like an ATM machine?
That can't feel good. I know I didn't feel good about it.
I know how it feels to wait for crumbs from the table, I think we all deserve much more than that, but we ultimately deserve what we choose.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Originally Posted by SarahBear
When I gave him my reason why I wanted to break things off, he was being a bit abusive making me feel bad about myself and him when he was throwing his fit and it did hurt my feelings. I don't see him that often.
Please consider starlight's suggestion and take him food instead. If you can't stay away from him without enabling, then enabling life instead of death is a good place to start.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by SarahBear
When I gave him my reason why I wanted to break things off, he was being a bit abusive making me feel bad about myself and him when he was throwing his fit and it did hurt my feelings. I don't see him that often.
I don't know you and yet I know that your deserve to treat yourself better than you have been. Looking for love in bars and staying connected to people who use you are not your only options.
Learning to love and value yourself is necessary for healthy relationships.
Therapy can help.
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