tandem545

I can see her messed up reasoning. She does have a child with him and right now he somehow has control/custody of the child. She tells my parents that she only goes over to his house to care for the baby and claims that the baby daddy is always drunk or sleeping the methadone off. She also claimed that he spanked the 1 month old and the grandparents smoke pot in front of the baby. She is also enrolled in school again (but who knows if she is really going or going out with the baby daddy like she used to do).

Then on Facebook I find out she goes out with the baby daddy to dinners, shopping, etc. He posts that he is "in a relationship". She's playing both sides. Telling my parents what they want to hear while getting back together with a violent drug abuser. Ridiculous. I thought the baby would make her come to her senses but clearly something is wrong with her mentally. I guess this works for her since she now gets my parents to give her money for "the baby" while on Facebook I read a message from her to him about her giving him her last $40 for who knows what.

She is so screwed up and I feel bad for the baby. I'm just trying to ignore it because honestly what is even the right way to intervene? I no longer know who or what to believe to be the truth. I can't stop her from doing what she wants. I'm just done.

What is the correct way to deal with someone who keeps going back to an abuser? I know some say to be supportive, but how is that not enabling? Right now my mom is being "supportive" but is completely being used by my sister probably for money and living space.

laurie6781

I only had one thought when reading your post and that is about the child.

If it were me, and I knew that the father had spanked the baby at 1 month old and the grandparents are smoking pot around the baby, and the father is an addict .............................. I would be on the phone with CPS to do a Welfare Check on that poor baby.

I know that is a hard thing to do to a family member, but I have done it to family members and neighbors. I do believe the innocent child MUST come first.

The only person I can change is me. I know it can be frustrating when we see someone we love in a bad situation, but they have to WANT to change themselves and the situation before any progress can be made. Nothing I say will change them.

J M H O

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

tandem545

I did report the spanking to CPS. They somehow did an investigation and found my sister guilty of inadequate supervision and he was cleared of the charges. It's disgusting. My sister is not even the primary caretaker (the grandparents are) and they only got "warned" about not letting the baby sleep in the baby daddy's room because he has been arrested for heroin intent to sell before. I would have thought the grandparents should be cited for providing inadequate supervision (my sister tried to wake them when it happened to no avail). I would report the pot, but again, with the way things are going she would be found guilty of that too. Apparently their family is friendly with their CPS investigator so CPS believes everything they say and are accusing my sister of trying to sell the baby (because that is what the grandparents told them, no other proof).

laurie6781

Well, I am like abulldog with a bone. I would then go to the STATE Police. Not the local cops, but the STATE. Report everything including about CPS and ask what they can do to help.

And I would probably file a 'formal' complaint with the DA. Then I could probably rest for a bit to wait and see what happens, knowing I had done all I could do for the moment. If the DA would refuse to take the complaint, I would go to the STATE Attorney General.

But that is just me. I get on a crusade when it come to innocent children.

Love and hugs,

keepinon

An abusive ralationship is a "process addiction" there is a cycle and they are "hooked" just like a drug..the difference is , that if you cut of all contact with someone in an abusive relationship, you are doing what the abuser wants..isolating the victim even more.My daughter had a horrible abusive relationship..she was not able to stay sober long while he was using..her sobriety is very at risk.

coffeedrinker

To the above statement, I say "so what"

Protecting your sister does not help anyone, not even her.

I wouldn't become obsessed with any aspect of this, except maybe for getting that innocent and maleable child out of such an environment.

Best to you...

suki44883

Please do whatever you have to do to get that little baby out of there. It doesn't matter who gets charged with what. The only thing that matters in this situation is that innocent little child.

kiki5711

That sounds strange. The CPS believing everything they say, and it's a story full of questions. How bad is she that she couldnt get custody of her child? How was she found charged with inadeqate supervision when the supervison is at "their" house? Was she doing something that they THEN REPORTED TO the follow up from CPS? Is it a set up to keep her away from getting custody of her child, so he don't have to pay child support?

tandem545

Well she was doing cocaine up until she was 6 months pregnant. Her drug abuse history is against her even though she's cooperated with all the rehab and counseling they made her get. She goes 4 times a week. What does the baby daddy get to do? Nothing, even though the baby is in his house (and probably still sleeps in his room) and even though he's on methadone for heroin addiction and has been arrested before. My sister doesn't have a job or a place to live (she still lives with my parents). My parents don't want the baby to stay there because they are afraid of retaliation by the baby daddy and just don't want him in their house period. I don't want the baby in my house either because I've seen how my sister got into trouble for something she didn't do. What's to say the baby daddy won't report me and I will be found guilty of something? Then they'll take away my professional license and I will never be able to work again. My sister originally wanted to give the baby up for adoption because she doesn't have the means to care for it. The baby daddy and grandparents refused to sign the papers. And my sister always tells us the moronic things they say, like how he wants to keep the baby because of all the gifts and money he got. And also how they can now apply for more money from the state.

My sister's CPS trial is coming up soon. We will see what comes of it. And CPS is so corrupt here. I placed an anonymous call, but they found out who I was and started calling me back. WTF. I'm over this.

chicory

This poor baby is going to turn up dead or brain damaged, and I would not care what happened to anyone else but that baby. Call as many people as you have to , until someone listens. it appears that this baby will be safer with anyone else other than his parents.
if that were my baby, I would kidnap it and run like he!! before I would let someone spank it. how can anyone spank a month old baby , or ignore the fact that it happened.

that is assault and abuse, and there is no excuse for it. that child has no chance, if it stays where it is.

please, call police and report this. who cares what happens to the rest of them, if they dont care more than this about the baby.

you cant spank a month old! that baby is probably not getting anything it needs. including food or doctor visits, or love.
this baby is something precious, not just part of a situation.

dont give up on this baby. it needs someone to help. desperately.

suki44883

So, because everyone is afraid of the baby's father, they are going to do nothing for that innocent little infant?? Unbelievable!