Habit

That was no coincidence that you heard that song. It was a God incident. I think that is the answer to your prayer.

Hugs and prayers

Kindeyes

Rita
You are very sweet and very kind. I have to say though.....I don't feel brave or wise.....loving? Most definately. I feel that I fail miserably in my recovery each time I see him. I am able to stay calm and serene while talking or interacting with him but once he leaves, I fall apart. I have a great deal of work to do so that he doesn't affect me in that manner.

I share my mistakes, my weaknesses, and my occasional successes with everyone here at SR because it helps me to stay honest with myself. And maybe, just maybe, helps others realize that recovery isn't a perfect science. It's a process. We are human beings...with feelings.....with strengths....with weaknesses and we're all just trying to do the best we can with the help of each other and our HP. We are strong at times and weak at other times. We have good days and we have bad days.

Sunday was a really bad day. I did something that was very hard. I said "No you can't move back in with us." He tried every angle to guilt me into it. I know it was manipulation but it always has a ring of truth to it or none of us would fall for it. It literally brought me to my knees. Today is a good day. I am picturing my son on his life adventure and sending him powerful positive vibes and praying that he finds happiness in something other than a pipe or a needle.

Your prayers are so very much appreciated.

lots of love and gentle hugs
ke

keepinon

I don't think being sad after contact with our loved ones who are still using is any kind of failure..it is SAD to watch people in the midst of addiction. We feel sad, then regroup, move back to "baseline" ( I like that TJP!) and don't live our every waking moment CONSUMED with sadness, guilt, terror, etc.
If we didn't feel sad, we would be emotionless robots..it's how we move on from it that is recovery, I think..

CameToBelieve

Saying no in this situation is one of the hardest things we will ever do as a parent. For me, however, it represents a level of love greater than when we enabled them in their addiction. I don't know where I read this, but I wrote it down in my Recovery Journal:
"letting go doesn't mean you don't love them, it means you love them enough to let them go."
Blessings

greeteachday

Kindeyes...Thought you might relate to Today's Gift from Hazelden..You did the right thing

newnormal4me

****{HUGS}}} Kindeyes. I am so sorry you are yet again going through this. I will never understand the choices our addicted loved ones choose when faced with adversity. I just don't get it...guess I never will. So it just leaves one to "let go" and pray. I hope you are able to rebound quickly. It seems you are one your way. Hang in there and take care.

Impurrfect

(((Kindeyes))) - my "other mother", mom-Kay (she was my mom's best friend) has always told me "God has you in the palm of His hand". When I'm struggling, be it about something with me, or with someone I love, I picture myself (or whoever I'm worried about) in these huge, comforting hands, reaching down from the sky.

I don't know if it will help you, but it's brought me tremendous peace, through some pretty tough times.

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy

pacificsunrise

Kindeyes,

it hurt to read your post and i can't even imagine your pain. but deep down we all know that you did the right thing. as hard as it feels just remember that you are actually helping him in the long run. allowing him to return would only make things worse for him and you.

i am keeping you in my prayers.

Kindeyes

Thanks guys......I'm doing pretty well. Working hard and trying to focus on me and understand some of the feelings that I have pent up inside.

I haven't heard from my son. Don't really expect to. When I drove away on Sunday, he was still sitting in his car. I left him to deal with his life without my interference (notice I said interference NOT assistance). He harbors a lot of resentment about the past which sometimes really baffles me. He has had so many opportunities that he just pissed away. Perhaps his resentment is because he was "given" opportunities and never allowed to make those opportunities for himself.

Of course, from my perspective, I think of those opportunities as being wasted and that he was ungrateful and had an attitude of entitlement.

The feelings, thoughts and emotions that we hold deep down inside of us make us all do things that others don't necessarily understand.

I'm waxing philosophical this morning. lol

gentle hugs to everyone today
ke

Chino

My daughter told me later she appreciated the opportunities we gave her, but they were not her choices and that's why she didn't fully accept or appreciate them at the time. The more we nudged or pushed, the more opportunities we provided, the more she resisted. She was like a typical teenager in her mindset and the drugs kept her there.

It was all very passive aggressive until everything exploded. As time has gone by, she's grateful for the assistance we give, but there's no internal conflict because she has to know what she needs before she asks. We don't offer anything any more, we "wait for the question" and reserve the right to say no. She's fine with that, thank goodness.

Kindeyes, he'll get tired of his lifestyle choice. At some point something will happen and he'll see himself reflected in his surroundings or companions, and he'll know this isn't what he truly wants. He'll know there's a better way to live because that's how he grew up and he'll yearn for it. At least that's what my daughter told me

Hang in there and your family is in my prayers.

katie44

Hi Kindeyes, Im sorry you have had such a difficult week. He knows there is an alternative a " sober living house". I know how hard it is to turn them away, heart wrenching! He will seek help when he is ready. It is fear of the unknown that brings us to our knees, and sets us in that emotional tails spin. You love him enough to let him go, and face the consequences of his addiction. Praying for you and your son.

Spiritual Seeker

(((Kindeyes)))-
I rarely visit SR now days. Here I am today and disappointed to see that your son has been unable to maintain sobriety . You've gotten lots of practice with detachment. But I know there are no tools to buffer you against pain & fear when you see S in despair, addiction and a downward spiral. I think we can practice distraction more than detachment.
My heart goes out to you and your son. Trisha

Wisher

Oh Kindeyes,
My heart goes out to you.

I wonder if you know how much you help all of us by sharing your thoughts and struggles and triumphs. I think if you were "perfect" all of the time, we would feel so inadequate because as you said we all change from day to day to strong, to weak and back again. I know I can certainly relate to all that you feel.

I pray for you and your son.