BarelyHere

Hi everybody! Hope everything is well out there! I first came here in panic & bewilderment 4 months ago, when I discovered my husband was an addict. Not small recreational amounts & had been going on for over 6 years. He agreed to go to rehab & yesterday was 90 days. I accepted that our lives would be a new normal. We have been pretty good at dealing with our lives & discussions. I have been loving, supportive, etc. The last few days I have noticed some small omissions. Nothing major. Then I happened upon an email exchange between he & a friend he was in rehab with. They were discussing wives. Being over being blamed for everything wrong in their lives. My husband said I put the hammer down. That he couldn't let my behavior affect him, but it was hard.
There was more. But I won't bore you. I confronted him last night. I felt a little guilty for reading the email. However, it came to our business email. He had already told me he had talked with him. I really read it wondering how the friend was doing. I felt we had no secrets. It was not deleted.
His response was he was sympathizing with his friend & his problems with his wife. That it wasn't meant to be read by me.
I feel that what you say about someone when you don't think they are going to read it, is more valid than with the expectation they will. I told him it hurt my feelings. That I felt his description of us was not what I thought I knew.
He was angry. Said he wasn't going anywhere. And he wasn't discussing it anymore. Then went to sleep. This morning the silent treatment. Left for work.
My idea of a loving sharing life partner, is not "i'm not going anywhere". I've lived that too long.
Thanks for letting me vent.

lc1972

I say vent away and get it out of your system. If you hold stuff in it just eats you up. I came across something similar with my AH. He had a notebook on his desk and I was looking for a peice of paper. So I opened it but it was a journal he had started. Some of the stuff written got to me. My husband is still struggling and not having any lasting clean time. It makes you wonder what they truley expect from us. I think that once they make an effort and have some clean time they just expect the trust to come right back. It may have to do with their brains are still not functioning properly. I have read this in many articles and research journals. Anyway you are not alone and it is very frustrating. Sending out hugs and prayers to you

BarelyHere

Thank you so much for your kind reply. I keep telling myself to take it slow. But when you were fooled & living with hell for so long, you refuse to be a victim again. And I don't trust my own inner voice most of the time. Which for 39 yrs was my strength.