Feeling so alone...
Emotional Shutdown
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 63
Feeling so alone...
Last night my RABF (is that right for Recovering Alcoholic Boyfriend?) had a minor freak out. He text messaged me asking if I could come over, and it happened that I was free last night so I did go over. He originally wanted me to spend the night but then once I got there and we spent some time together, he got weird and told me he didn't know if he wanted to be with me or to be alone...so I went home.
This morning everything was 'hunky dory' but now, when I find myself feeling totally alone I would really like to call and talk to him but I am so afraid he will freak out on me again that I just can't bring myself to dial his number. (my kids are in bed, my mother, who lives with me, is also in bed, none of my friends are on IM and my best friend would talk to me but all she does is tell me how I should dump my RABF because he is an RA. She thinks that would be the easiest thing to do. I assure you that is NOT an easy thing to even consider, let alone execute.)
So here I sit on my computer, by myself, wondering why I am all alone in a world where people supposedly care about me.
This morning everything was 'hunky dory' but now, when I find myself feeling totally alone I would really like to call and talk to him but I am so afraid he will freak out on me again that I just can't bring myself to dial his number. (my kids are in bed, my mother, who lives with me, is also in bed, none of my friends are on IM and my best friend would talk to me but all she does is tell me how I should dump my RABF because he is an RA. She thinks that would be the easiest thing to do. I assure you that is NOT an easy thing to even consider, let alone execute.)
So here I sit on my computer, by myself, wondering why I am all alone in a world where people supposedly care about me.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
PickMe
I'm sorry that you are feeling so alone right now. It is hard loving someone who is addicted or recovering from addiction. We often want to blame all of their behavior on drugs or lack thereof but sometimes, they're just moody like you or I.
When I feel lonely or isolated, that's when I know that I need to reach out to someone. If you aren't comfortable reaching out to your bf right now, reach out to a friend or do something nice for yourself (retail therapy?). It often helps pull me out of a funk if I just do something simple and nice for myself--like paint my toenails (sounds silly but it works for me!).
Tomorrow will be a better day.
gentle hugs
I'm sorry that you are feeling so alone right now. It is hard loving someone who is addicted or recovering from addiction. We often want to blame all of their behavior on drugs or lack thereof but sometimes, they're just moody like you or I.
When I feel lonely or isolated, that's when I know that I need to reach out to someone. If you aren't comfortable reaching out to your bf right now, reach out to a friend or do something nice for yourself (retail therapy?). It often helps pull me out of a funk if I just do something simple and nice for myself--like paint my toenails (sounds silly but it works for me!).
Tomorrow will be a better day.
gentle hugs
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Take the alcohol and recovering stuff out of this. He's sounds like he's got some mood swing issues, ala the Jeckle/Hyde, thing. Are you OK with being in a relationship with somone who runs so hot/cold?
Emotional Shutdown
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by outtolunch 
Take the alcohol and recovering stuff out of this. He's sounds like he's got some mood swing issues, ala the Jeckle/Hyde, thing. Are you OK with being in a relationship with somone who runs so hot/cold?
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
he is bipolar and medicated but then, so am I.
is your medication effective for you?
I hope you are doing well, and taking care of yourself.
Your recovering abf may need some time to balance himself out, and if he is having an "episode" (such a strange word for such a dramatic event) maybe he should take to his p doc about different dosages or medications.
Beth
Emotional Shutdown
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 63
Originally Posted by wicked
still, how are you dealing with his mood swings?
is your medication effective for you?
I hope you are doing well, and taking care of yourself.
Your recovering abf may need some time to balance himself out, and if he is having an "episode" (such a strange word for such a dramatic event) maybe he should take to his p doc about different dosages or medications.
Beth
is your medication effective for you?
I hope you are doing well, and taking care of yourself.
Your recovering abf may need some time to balance himself out, and if he is having an "episode" (such a strange word for such a dramatic event) maybe he should take to his p doc about different dosages or medications.
Beth
Unfortunately, most of my friends have been too busy for me this week as well and since I am on spring break (I am a graduate student) I have way too much time on my hands.
Emotional Shutdown
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 63
OK, so I had a very brief conversation with him and he is having a hard time with not drinking and has been spending a lot of time in meetings and with his sponsor. He is not trying to be rude but he needs space.
I am giving him exactly two weeks where I do not contact him at all (but will talk to him if he contacts me). If he, for some reason does not contact me before 11 pm on the 16th, I will end it. I feel this is a fair compromise and allows him time.
I can imagine it must be very hard to fight the urge to drink and I know it is a disease so I am just going to do as he requested and give him space, within reason.
I am giving him exactly two weeks where I do not contact him at all (but will talk to him if he contacts me). If he, for some reason does not contact me before 11 pm on the 16th, I will end it. I feel this is a fair compromise and allows him time.
I can imagine it must be very hard to fight the urge to drink and I know it is a disease so I am just going to do as he requested and give him space, within reason.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
It is hard being patient with the challenges of recovery. I am a very patient person but I did set 'deadlines'. Except when the day came, I extended it 'ok I'll give him until Saturday'. Until I realized it was pointless.
When someone isn't where you are emotionally, it is very painful. I know. Or they get there and then freak out, like your guy. For me, even if I know it is a disease, I know he is doing the best he can to help himself and that his life depends on it, I still feel put aside and it sucks.
Sometimes stepping back to give the relationship a chance to breath can be a very healthy thing. He is going through it and his ups and downs are affecting you so maybe it is for your benefit to just focus on yourself for a while.
Hang in there.
When someone isn't where you are emotionally, it is very painful. I know. Or they get there and then freak out, like your guy. For me, even if I know it is a disease, I know he is doing the best he can to help himself and that his life depends on it, I still feel put aside and it sucks.
Sometimes stepping back to give the relationship a chance to breath can be a very healthy thing. He is going through it and his ups and downs are affecting you so maybe it is for your benefit to just focus on yourself for a while.
Hang in there.
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