PeaceTrain

Hello Island Cat, Detachment has so many viewpoints - just like the Bible - so many religions interpret things differently. Some of the counselling that I have received has claimed what we all know -- Detach according to with what you can live with.

However, do not enable the use of drugs, nor get caught in the high drama, by making excuses or bailing them out. As the mother of an AD, I have felt like you have, and have given her meals and clothing, but I have set very tight boundaries. Before I sought recovery that was not the case and the textbook chaos ensued. People who have had addictions and sought recovery have mentioned that having people that cared about them mattered in some of their choices. Some heed the call to recovery and some do not, however, we are not responsible for their choices.

Best Wishes to you

islandcat

Thank you for all your replies and support. I have been working on me for the past 6 months, since my son left rehab and went right back to where he was. I explained to him that the stress of his addiction was making me physically and mentally sick and that I cannot have anything to do with him because of it. He understood and respected my feelings. I was the one who broke and sent him a message just to say I loved him and hoped he was okay which I do every few weeks. Sometimes he answers. I have seen him three times in that period. Leaving bread and soup on his doorstep is not really enabling to me, its food for the poor. Giving him $10 may buy him a perc or an oxy, but maybe, just maybe he did buy milk and bread. I give to those on the street that ask, maybe I am enabling them as well, but I find it hard to pass them by. Now that my son has added heroin to oxys and apparently lost 50 pounds I am not sure I want to give him anything or can bear to see him. Yes hearing he is okay and loves me does give me the peace I may need to get through another day. Another day of waiting for that phone call. Peace to you all.

hope2be

Islandcat: Thanks for the post. I SOOOO know what you are going through. I think the important point in all of this is that you are reaching out to all of us. In doing this, you help me.
I think you are taking care of yourself and I commend you for your honesty.

keepinon

Breaking no contact is a totally valid choice..hearing that they love us and letting them know too is not a bad thing by any means..I had a friend who was NC with her sister when she died..she regetted it and I always remebered that..it is heartbreaking to watch them slowly die...but there is hope .. I tried to remind my daughter of that when she was out there..that I hadn't given up on her.I am sure your son knows he is loved..continue to take care of yourself:ghug3

jalapenolover

Oh you are speaking and reading my mind! It is so so tough. We told our AS that we cannot enable him any longer which means not coming over for dinner, us paying for his cell phone, etc. He feels so betrayed and he has decided not to contact us (unless of course he feels he NEEDS something). The no contact has its pros/cons. I feel not knowing everything going on is better for my mental state; while on the other hand I have no idea if he is okay. Just this morning I saw him riding his bike from the store (he had to have seen me pull into my office). He just keep peddling. I was okay with this because TODAY, I know he is alive. Hugs and prayers to you!

keepinon

My HP would also send me glimpses of my daughter when she was "out" and it was comforting to know she was alive...

mooselips

Islandcat,
I am SOO with you on your opinion. AND, I do think you are detached, and you do have boundaries in place.

SunriseSunset

New to this forum. I can not tell you how much I needed to read your post and all the comments to your post. Especially today. I completely understand where you are coming from. I am the same type of mom. I love my son, and want to make sure he knows that there is at least one person in this world that really loves him and cares about him. I think that is important. But, at the same time, I know that many times when I get closer again he can at times use that to take advantage of me and ultimately hurt me...again. Sometimes I am so stressed, frustrated and mad that I just want to move away and not let him know where I live. But I know I couldn't break off all communication with my child. For my own peace of mind, I just have to let him know that I love him and still hope he will improve his life...and sometimes feed him.