Nerdgirl

If you don't love yourself you can't love anyone else. My recovering alcoholic ex once said that to me, and I believe it.

Hate is a strong word. But I would have to say that many don't know how to be kind and loving to themselves. That goes for addicts and codependents both....

From my experience, my in-laws need to constantly be high because they have done really horrible things to themselves and their families/loved ones. I believe that when sober they are filled with negativity - which in turn causes them to seek more substances to delay dealing with their own emotional consequences arising from bad behavior.

Just my opinion, take what you like and leave the rest.

outtolunch

I trend towards a belief that it's a cognitive imaturity thing:

Getting ripped is more fun than life as is/where is

Preference for a good buzz with like minded folk cause life and responsibility can be a such a drag

Trying to live the fantasy of a life without consequences

Impulse control issues

Terminal uniquness....I can control it

As it relates to our team....

Focusing on someone else's problems beats focusing on our own problems

Trying to live the fantasy that we control other people

Impulse control issues

Terminal uniqueness/rationalizing

devastated

I really think that an addict does "hate" themselves, and for this reason when they are clean and sober and guilt feelings kick in, they can't handle it and go back to using.

Just my view on addicts.

Hugs, Devastated

tam

I think that question would be answered differently from the addict themselves, there are probaly many reasons why they use and Im sure
self hate is one of them.

as far as being a codie and self hate Im sure many can say that as well,
for me I dont hate myself, I hate what happened and hate the damage
addiction has done on not only myself but him as well.

Done_With_It

This was my theme song when I was in my addiction and my eating disorder..
Hating myself was all I knew and in the end the hate and the addiction was
what kept me alive until I was ready and knew how to get better....
Addiction was a bandaid from the hate if only for a few seconds at times..



~~~~~

End of passion play, crumbling away
I'm your source of self-destruction
Veins that pump with fear, sucking darkest clear
Leading on your deaths' construction

Taste me you will see
More is all you need
You're dedicated to
How I'm killing you

Come crawling faster
Obey your master
Your life burns faster
Obey your master
Master

Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me, you can't see a thing
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Master
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Master

Needlework the way, never you betray
Life of death becoming clearer
Pain monopoly, ritual misery
Chop your breakfast on a mirror

Taste me you will see
More is all you need
You're dedicated to
How I'm killing you

Come crawling faster
Obey your master
Your life burns faster
Obey your master
Master

Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me, you can't see a thing
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Master
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Master

Master, master, where's the dreams that I've been after?
Master, master, you promised only lies
Laughter, laughter, all I hear or see is laughter
Laughter, laughter, laughing at my cries

Hell is worth all that, natural habitat
Just a rhyme without a reason
Neverending maze, drift on numbered days
Now your life is out of season

I will occupy
I will help you die
I will run through you
Now I rule you too

Come crawling faster
Obey your master
Your life burns faster
Obey your master
Master

Master of puppets I'm pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me, you can't see a thing
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Master
Just call my name, 'cause I'll hear you scream
Master
Master

hello-kitty

Hate is a strong word.

I am sure that my low self-esteem contributed to my using drugs in the first place, but in the end, I used drugs simply because I was addicted to them. Nothing more. Nothing less. I sure hated who I was turning into but I kept using the drugs anyway.

And in the end, I quit using drugs because I loved myself enough to do something about my drug problem.

I could also say that I was co-dependent in my relationship because I had low self esteem. I had no boundaries because I was desperate to hang on to my relationship. I also certainly hated who I became when I was with him.

And I finally set strong personal boundaries and stuck with them because I loved myself enough to let go of a unhealthy, hurtful relationship.

thequest

I personally find this to one of the truest things when dealing with many an alkie and/or "recreational" drug user. Dealing with a 40 something who wants to party like a frat boy. He has spent life unfortunetly since his teens looking for the next 'party'. After DECADES he is JUST starting to suffer the consequences including having to make decisions that affect daily living & survival.

I truely believe large amounts of time spent high or hung over simply divert ones thoughts which should be on things like how am I going to pay my debts off, WHAT IF I don't pay them off, WHAT IF I have an accident on the way home from the bar/ party and my police & lawyer friends can't help me. I don't think abusers think about 'what if' or consequences. They might obsess but they do not THINK.

PEACE

devastated

Done With It, WOW, reading that made me feel nauseous!

My first thought was to print it out and send it to my son; however, he is in a rehab now and I'm wondering if that's a good idea. I really would like him to read it while he has a clear mind. What do you think?

In any event, I'm printing it out. If I don't send it to him now, maybe one day the opportunity will arise.

Thanks again,

Hugs, Devastated

Done_With_It

Oh I totally would. He's probably heard it. It's by Metallica, a song called Master of Puppets. A song they wrote about their own addiction.

It actually helped me even when I was set in my addiction. I first heard it when I was in my eating disorder and cutting and it made me see what was happening.
Then when I was struggling with meth I remembered it and I was like OMG, it's happening AGAIN! It was something that just clicked with me and has always helped me.

I don't know if you want to hear the song but if you do you can hear it on you tube. I used to listen to it when I was really angry and didn't know what to do. It used to stop me from cutting, and/or hurting myself..

When I was in treatment they liked us to express ourselves through stuff like that.

Just my 2 cents...

myheadhurts

22 years of daily abuse of pretty much everything didn't lead me to hate myself. I did what I did because I chose to do it. Not for any other reason.

I think self hate is just an excuse for either not being able to admit the real reasons for why someone does what they do, or similarly a failure to make the decisions which entail a harder path to being somewhere they want to be.


It's like a laziness of the soul, way easier to sit and hate oneself than it is to do something proactive.