God and the Drug Dealer
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Charlotte NC
Posts: 37
God and the Drug Dealer
I wrote this back in February....this is how I felt to the "T".
God and the Drug Dealer: February 2010
As a mother, you take on many faces. You could almost say personalities. Working hard to “not be a friend” but be a good listener. Not to be so far out of touch that you can’t give good advice. What’s really weird to put it mildly is the fact that even all of this change and takes different shape as your children become older. You want to be the best especially since you really only get one shot with each child. Never in my life did I imagine that somehow I would become the enemy. “The enemy”…….
Sitting in the doctor’s office, pain specialist this week, we are going over the usual – pain levels, has anything changed for better or worse, any new meds, any emergency room visits since our last visit – of course this doctor is pretty much treating Lauren and we are getting results- not a cure but relief to some degree. As usual we are seeking to get a refill on the Oxycodine which is really the only thing that Lauren has said will give her any kind of relief. We get very anxious when we get down to the bottom of the bottle. I say “we” because I mean “we” – me and Lauren. We have even gotten some from family members- sad but true. So we are sitting in the office and the doctor comes back in and I say “We need to get a refill on the Oxycodine”. The doctor looks up at Lauren and say’s “Lauren – you are too young to be taking this and we are not going to be taking this anymore” and he left the room. Lauren looked at me and I looked at her. I saw her eyes tear up. I felt my heart drop to the floor. All I could think about was what we will have to ease this pain. Right then and there I realized that I was the drug dealer. Right there I came face to face with God. I saw him there. I felt him there. It was euphoric to say the least but he pretty much took control of the Oxycodine from me and placed it in the doctor’s hands I guess because he knew that I couldn’t have done it. I never thought I would have the face of a drug dealer. But I did -I’m the drug dealer.
God and the Drug Dealer: February 2010
As a mother, you take on many faces. You could almost say personalities. Working hard to “not be a friend” but be a good listener. Not to be so far out of touch that you can’t give good advice. What’s really weird to put it mildly is the fact that even all of this change and takes different shape as your children become older. You want to be the best especially since you really only get one shot with each child. Never in my life did I imagine that somehow I would become the enemy. “The enemy”…….
Sitting in the doctor’s office, pain specialist this week, we are going over the usual – pain levels, has anything changed for better or worse, any new meds, any emergency room visits since our last visit – of course this doctor is pretty much treating Lauren and we are getting results- not a cure but relief to some degree. As usual we are seeking to get a refill on the Oxycodine which is really the only thing that Lauren has said will give her any kind of relief. We get very anxious when we get down to the bottom of the bottle. I say “we” because I mean “we” – me and Lauren. We have even gotten some from family members- sad but true. So we are sitting in the office and the doctor comes back in and I say “We need to get a refill on the Oxycodine”. The doctor looks up at Lauren and say’s “Lauren – you are too young to be taking this and we are not going to be taking this anymore” and he left the room. Lauren looked at me and I looked at her. I saw her eyes tear up. I felt my heart drop to the floor. All I could think about was what we will have to ease this pain. Right then and there I realized that I was the drug dealer. Right there I came face to face with God. I saw him there. I felt him there. It was euphoric to say the least but he pretty much took control of the Oxycodine from me and placed it in the doctor’s hands I guess because he knew that I couldn’t have done it. I never thought I would have the face of a drug dealer. But I did -I’m the drug dealer.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
God works through people sometimes, I believe, and I think He was working through that doctor.
How did this turn out? Was she able to get past the withdrawals and manage her pain in a healthier way?
My prayers go out for both of you. And a prayer of gratitude for doctors like him.
Hugs
How did this turn out? Was she able to get past the withdrawals and manage her pain in a healthier way?
My prayers go out for both of you. And a prayer of gratitude for doctors like him.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Charlotte NC
Posts: 37
This did work out - she made it....but then somehow we found our way back there again (oxicodone) in December of 2010.
I love this doctor - he is great but it's not a diagnoises and that is what we need.
My daughter is in a private rehab 12 hours away from me as of 12/22/10. She is dealing with some heavy physical pain today so some great prayers of faith and strenght for her today would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for the hugs! They produce great endorphines!!!
Roo
I love this doctor - he is great but it's not a diagnoises and that is what we need.
My daughter is in a private rehab 12 hours away from me as of 12/22/10. She is dealing with some heavy physical pain today so some great prayers of faith and strenght for her today would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you for the hugs! They produce great endorphines!!!
Roo
Last edited by Rooberri; 01-19-2011 at 06:18 AM. Reason: spelling
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
My heart goes out to the both of you, but sometimes no human power could help us with our addiction, it takes something much more powerful, at least that is my ESH. Tell her we are rooting for her. Keep the Faith
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