endangered

Ok, so maybe there is something I am missing. I am confused by there being so many comments about how everything addicts say is bull. About how that wasn't really 'the last high' they weren't 'really going to rehab', etc. I hear that we are not suppose to check up on them (which I do very little of anymore anyway) but yet a lot of people just assume they are lying and don't check. Does anyone know the percentages of how many make it a year or more sober after the first, second, third try? How many people are active on this board for a year or more and how many of those are still in a relationship with their addict of choice?

No, I don't believe my addict has been in recovery. Since the day he came out of detox he smoked pot. He did stop the pills and go to meetings and get a sponsor. When he splintered the bone in his leg and torn the meniscus in his knee in June he got pain killers and took them responsibly. He has gotten several more prescriptions since then while awaiting surgery and then following surgery and took those responsibly too. I think he took them longer than necessary but now he is out and the doc apparently won't call anymore in. He seems okay but is only going to a meeting once a week or so. I am reasonably certain he is not taking pills now.

As I said in my previous post, my boundries are gone. The boundry was, if you take pills, you leave. That changed because he did have a painful injury and could not get proper medical care without insurance. Since he was in pain and took them responsibly I felt it would be wrong to put him out then. We do have 3 children and his income from his new job is quite necessary.

Now his leg has healed and I will restate the boundry. I guess I am wondering about the future. He has had over 20 kidney stones and repeat back surgeries so it is likely that in future he will need them again. If you have ever had a kidney stone I know you get that. So what does a person do when they were previously addicted to painkillers and are faced with these issues. What happens to the boundries for the family??

I am not trying to be less than appreciative of your help, but as I said, apparently I am not getting something here. Thanks for your help.

Lushwell

You do it one day at a time.

suki44883

If he is taking the pills as prescribed, then what is the problem? Maybe your boundary should be that you will not live with someone who takes pills other than prescribed.

What it all boils down to is what you will and will not put up with. If his behavior is acceptable, what's the problem? If it isn't acceptable, then only you can decide that. If you think he is lying to you, then you have to decide whether or not you will accept that. Running around checking up on him only makes YOU miserable, so, there has to be a certain amount of trust there.

No one here is going to advise you to leave your marriage (unless he is abusive). It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about your situation. You are the one who has to live with it and you have the right to decide what you will and will not abide.

tam

as with any illness there are percentages on survival, those arent guaranteed. Im sure that goes for recovery with addicts as well.
I would just continue what your doing, if your satisfied with your life and your marriage,his prescribed usage etc. then just let it be.
time will tell whether or not there is a problem

Chino

My daughter was in recovery (opiates) when she was in a terrible car wreck. She 100% required opiates for pain and, while she took them responsibly after coming home from the hospital, it was only a matter of time before she was back into full blown addiction. She didn't have the coping skills yet for the emotional trauma on top of the physical.

My boundaries never changed during all of that. I don't allow drug abuse in my home and when she crossed the line into abuse again, she had to go. It was only a matter of days before she got herself back into a recovery program.

endangered

Thank you all. I guess these were the kind of thing I needed to hear. Chino, I wondered how often that happened. I'm naturally nervous now more than ever because now I KNOW he doesn't need them and prior to detox he would make up any excuse to get them. ***** his finger to put blood in his urine so they would think he had a kidney stone, the back was easy to fake, miagrains can't be proven. Guess we'll see what happens now.

outtolunch

We all have the choice to accept people as they are/where they are.

Let go of expectations and attemopts to control outcomes.

If he needs pills for legitimates pain, so be it. If it's a never ending series of symptoms needing pain paills, it's likely something else is going on.

It makes sense for people to be in a position of depending on themselves cause none of us know what tomorrow will bring our way. Begining this year, what can you do for yourself now that would better position you to support the family, if push came to shove, down the road? This has nothing to do with addiction and all to do with freedom.

Impurrfect

I agree with the above. I'm an RA, have had to take pain meds, on occasion for legit pain, but I discussed this with my dr., the first time I met him and advised him I was an RA.

I, personally, think it all boils down to actions and behavior. If he's only taking things when necessary and contributing to the relationship, being responsible, it will show. If he's coming up with any excuse, using and lying about it, that, too, will show. To me, it's come down to behavior with people in my life. I live with a stepmom who loves her pills. I can't afford to move out, but I CAN decide what I will and won't tolerate. When she got left in the floor, a few times (after I made sure she was breathing) because she passed out, she hasn't done that in quite a while. When she lies, I just remind her she's talking to the queen of addiction, and I'm not stupid....then I walk away.

Her behavior? Her consequences. I absolutely refuse to get in the drama, but it took me a long time to get to this point.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

bluebelle

I understand your feeling because my RABF is addicted to pain pills. Two issues came up recently--him having a tooth removed, and him getting bronchitis. It was hard for me not to "remind" him what he should do. He told me that he told the dentist/doctor about his pain pill addiction, and gave them the name of his psychiatrist.

My thought is that we can be aware of their behaviors, without searching through their things or getting involved. Is the pot smoking acceptable for you? It used to be acceptable for me, but I told RABF that I was no longer going to live in a house with illegal substances. My boundary was that I was not willing to be put in a position where I could get in legal trouble. If there is pot in my house, in a car I am driving, or on his person, I could get in trouble. To me, that is a boundary that I can have without it being me trying to control his behavior. I will also not be in a house where there are drugs being mailed to the house illegally.

I also have a boundary about lying. I will not accept being confused by stories on top of stories about where my RABF has been, what he has been doing, etc. In my opinion, once the addict relapses, the lying starts. They start lying about simple things, which become lies about more complex things.

I know I'm taking a long time to say this. However, I'm trying to say that I think you can have boundaries about acceptable behavior. Taking pain medication for a real problem is acceptable in my book. However, lies, illegal substances in the house, etc., are not acceptable.

I see no reason why you cannot "restate" your boundaries now that he no longer needs pain pills.