IndigoMama

Isn't he ..... I did kind of laugh about the therapist telling him that he would quit if he had him for 2 more months, because I really understand. He is effing brilliant. But, seriously, therapists shouldn't say that to their clients, patients, students? What is the correct term?

Any thing else you noticed about any of this Cynical? Keep being honest with me babe. Thanks

IndigoMama

SO all in all, is it fair to say that he hasn't changed at all?

Other than being sober?

And, do you think that there IS a rehab romance going on?

IndigoMama

Thank You so much for your attention to my neediness tonight. I really mean that. With what is going on in my head and in my life, do you have a good place for me to start to recover and to deal with all of my fears etc. Maybe certain threads to point me to or another site etc.?

What next. Tomorrow is a new day and I am going to wake up ready to work on myself!

Time4Me1

Cynical one,

Wow...thanks you for sharing this thorough and very informative article!!!!!!!!

lightseeker

one thing that I realized is that if I wanted a snapshot of how deluded and unhealthy my thinking is/was all I have to do is look at the person that I am focusing on...as they say...water seeks it's own level. When I looked at how ludicrous and sick "my addict" was I was really looking at a reflection of ME. I took that and turned it into working the intensity of recovery that I wished that he would work. It wasn't his life that was in danger but mine.

You wanted honesty so hear is my view - the reports of his rehab are coming from a man that is at the beginning of the beginning. He might be torking the story or actually reporting about a rehab that is substandard. Who knows? One of the reasons that we need to educate ourselves about addiction and recovery is because we need our bullsh*t meter to be calibrated correctly. Anytime someone tells me "you need" or "you should" that is emotional abuse and controlling. The stop sign in my mind appears and I know that I am dealing with someone that doesn't "get it". Keeping our own side of the street clean is a full time job. Unsolicited advice is NEVER welcome.

My husband and I were advised not to attempt marriage counseling until we had both worked on ourselves....generally after a year of sobriety has occurred. It is tough to put things on hold but it was the best thing for both of us. I never felt like I was on the sideline waiting for him because I was so very busy working on me. The healthier I became the more able I have been to deal with life on life's terms....it's helped me to set more appropriate boundaries and not fear the future (which may or may not be with him). It used to be that I had trouble imagining a life without him but that time is long gone.

lightseeker

Cynical,

that was one excellent article! I apply it to my husband (the sober addict in my life) AND also myself (from the codie stand point) and totally see so much.

I think that many people believe that once their loved one gets sober then life will get better and things will return to "normal". What I neglected to consider was the nature of a mind that is addictive by nature. EVERYTHING is a potential addiction (....even yardwork for my husband)and it is difficult to create balance in your life if you are not hardwired for it. Recovery helps but it is really a life long proposition to address addictive thinking.

I am taking courses for an eventual masters in counseling and we've been learning about underlying mental illness and addiction.....greater than 60% of people with addiction issues also have an underlying mental illness. Getting sober doesn't make that go away...it just uncovers it.

None of this necessarily means that you leave a relationship with your loved one (although that might occur) - it just means that more attention needs to be paid to the relationship you have with yourself.

Thanks for sharing this insiteful article C.O.!

IndigoMama

he is ADHD and Bi Polar and is on medication for it now that he is in rehab and started taking it a few months prior to entering the center. He also went on his own, he wanted to go to rehab. Thanks for shining so much light on the situation for me. As much as I love him and love the dream of our happily ever after, I have to admit that I may not be cut out for what comes a long with all of this for the rest of my life. I guess I will have to wait and see, but, that is a possibility.

IndigoMama

I went out and bought the book! "Codependent No More" I am about half way through reading it and I am so thankful that it was recommended to me. So happy that I am reading it, for myself especially.