Freedom1990

I think you're doing a great job considering the circumstances. I've heard bubble bath mentioned in so many posts that I've put that on my to-do list this weekend. I just got some lovely vanilla scented candles I'll put on the side of the tub while I soak, perhaps to some music.

Journaling is an excellent tool too.

crazybabie

Freedom, Thanks for reminding me about candles it has been so long I didn't even think about those and vanilla is my favorite.

dollydo

Ok, now I am back on track, no longer confused.

Codependency is not easy to overcome. For many it takes years, others never recover.

Keep trying, pay attention to his actions, try and think with your head, not your heart.

crazybabie

Yikes, years I surely hope not maybe I should double up on alanon for awhile.

FGB

CB, Just want to tell you to keep posting. It sounds like you are working hard on your recovery and I'm proud of you for that. I've danced that dance also, it took me 2 years to finally see the light and then I left with a weeks worth of clothes and my cats. My x was an abusive narcissist. When I left I never looked back, and had no feelings for him ever again. I thank my HP for that because I sure didn't do it by myself.
My life hasn't been "easy" since then, but I manage to provide for myself and my 3 furbabies. While I still have lots of me to work on, I can see progress, and that's what counts, progress, not perfection. I hope you have a better day today, maybe just for today you might not answer the phone if he calls, just for today. Take good care of you and keep coming here. Big hugs, FGB

keepinon

I was wondering if this might help change your perspective a little..maybe if you read your post, but as if it was written by a beloved friend of yours..what would suggest that friend do?My guess is, you would want more for her.Might be worth a try.

crazybabie

Keepinon,

I did read it again several times and your right if it were a freind I would want more for her.

Freedom1990

It was hard for me to grasp the concept of being my own best friend for a long time.

I had been so accustomed to putting me and my needs on the back burner, and taking care of everyone else.

Low self-esteem didn't help either.

I think you are a kind, intelligent, and caring person. You deserve to take care of you!

I see so much of myself in you, and I understand your inner struggles.

I hope that through your continuing recovery, you will come to embrace the woman that you are, and give her what she deserves.

keepinon

Seems to me like getting a little perspective is a really good step in the right direction.When we get mired in our own muck sometimes its hard to see.When I take a step back, it becomes harder to make excuses for myself.I KNOW that you deserve someone healthy who WANTS to be with you and treat you with respect.My hope is through the steps you will see it too.
My daughter..a beautiful, smart person who is also an addict has been it 2 abusive relationships..it broke my heart to see her accept such awful treatment and exist on crumbs thrown at her by her boyfriends. I wanted more for her.Everyone deserves to have respect and love.Take really good care of yourself..you are worth it..no matter what that little voice in your head says or what some guy has said..we are all worth dignity and respect.

crazybabie

AH, did come by over the weekend and wanted too talk... I told him that untill he is working some kind of program we have nothing to discuss.

Someone had slashed all 4 of my car tires and he brought me some and after we talked.
I think that is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I cried when he left yet I did also feel some peace.