crazybabie

AH, came by last night and we talked for awhile and he wants to move back in.We discussed the boundaries of him doing so , I have no expectations but of course did not tell him that.

I did tell him that I would be gone two nights a week to meetings. He seemed surprised that I would be doing so. I told him I was going to keep on my path of recovery whether he is living at home or not.

I could have told him no yet I know he would have moved in anyways, (his name is on lease)

I also have to be honest with myself and my friends here at SR. I do want to be with him I have learned quite a bit about myself and how I have enabled and I am going to use my tools to make sure I do not do so anymore.

He can not get money from me I have a disability that keeps me from being allowed to work. He has been paying bills even when he wasn’t staying here.

What do I expect to achieve by this? I suppose I am holding on to some hope that he will change this, is all still new to me. I am also hoping to see my patterns with him I will be keeping a journal.

To clarify I have no expectations, I mean I know he may leave again or not come home for days at a time.
Thanks for listening,
Hugs,

dollydo

You will have a rough journey ahead of you, this will not be a cake walk, whether he disappears or not.

You have just begun your recovery from codependancy, keep moving forward regardless of what he does or where he is.

Keep posting, we are here for you!

lc1972

I hope you keep getting the support you need to cope with this. I am sending you out hugs and my thoughts will be on you.

I am also living with my AH and have gone through two attempts and on number three to get clean. If you ever need to talk you can send me a message anytime.

Freedom1990

I think this is a great idea to keep you focused on you, in addition to attending meetings.

I have been thinking about journaling again not because of an alcoholic in my life, but I am struggling in some areas of my life.

So many posts I've read lately mention journaling, so I'm going to take that as a tap on the shoulder from God to get busy!

Keep moving forward dear, and we are here to support you.

Kindeyes

cb
Take care of you. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
gentle hugs

BBD

Its a real tough road hon but if your willing to see where it leads then I wish you serenity along the way. Keep up your meetings please. They will help you when you may be weak. Knowing the right things to do and doing them are two different avenues. I know~~ been there, done that. It was with my son and it was tough. You have to change to keep yourself sane and be ready to accept all he hands you. If your on top of your feelings you'll know what to do. Lots of strength hon......stay strong and connected to support...Smiles, Bonnie

tam

hope it works out crazybabie, please keep taking care of you and getting support.
we are all here for you!! hugs!

ZombieWife

Living with my AH here and we have our boundaries and are working together in the recovery process. It's not easy, but what relationship is?

We both struggle in our recovery and we've reached out to therapy (couples) and so far, so good.

Many hugs and support.

crazybabie

Suprise suprise NOT...

He stayed here Saturday night and talked about the things we could try that might help etc... He left Sunday at noon going to get his clothes and I haven't seen him since.
I am a bit disappointed I know I shouldn't be this, is what addicts do and I set my own self up for it.

Just wanted to update my SR family, thanks everyone,
Hugs,

Freedom1990

So what is your next step, dear?

crazybabie

To continue to focus on myself, I did go and get The Language of letting go and Women who love too much, I will continue to go to meetings and my counselor.

I will not call or text him, I will take one day at a time or one second at a time if needed, I will continue to read post and make post here at SR and this time I actually understand it isan't about me as too why he isan't here. I use to think it was me there had to be something wrong with me, I get it now it is HIM.

I will remember I did not cause it
I can not cure it
I can not control it

I will continue to journal so myself as well as my counselor,
I may shed a few tears but my heart would probably get some good from that.
I will continue to educate myself as much as possible about this illness or disease or whatever it is.
I will be repeating the Serenity prayer many times a day as well I am sure.

Hugs,

Freedom1990

Girl, you are working your recovery, and good for you.

I know too well the disappearing act, and the heartache that came with it.

I am sorry he did this. I truly am.

There is a better life ahead for you, I promise.

tam

so sorry crazybabie ....

dollydo

I too am sorry, yet not suprised. Are you ready to close the revolving door? Because he is on the lease doesn't mean he has to live there.

Take care!

crazybabie

Dolly, I have to be honest with myself and my SR family, No I am not ready to close that door yet What I am ready to do right now is get all the tools I can for me so if this continues and we all know that is it likely to do so then I will be ready to close that door.

He called earlier today actually suprised me I wasn't expecting it, said he passed out and only has enough gas untill he gets to work tomorrow to go where his clothes are and he will be here tomorrow night. Another lie probably.

suki44883

I hope I'm wrong, but it sounds like you are letting yourself in for a lot of upheaval. I'm glad you are still planning on working on your recovery. Never forget that you always have choices.

dollydo

Recovery from codependency is not a quick simple process. We stay stuck for a reason, there is always a payoff, what is yours? To me there is a reason why we continue to ride on the rollercoaster from he(( and back, and, it is not love.

You are starting to assemble your tool box, learn how to use all the tools, and don't forget that they are only of value if you use them.