infiniti

Why is it that when a loved one actively participates in rehab/NA/service work that suddenly EVERYONE is an addict???

My ex-boyfriend, with whom I am still friends (and still in love with) is doing SO WELL in his program! I couldn't be more proud.

But he's developed this hangup that EVERYONE has an addiction to something in their life, whether it be substances, work, people, lifestyle. It just boggles me!

I have "discovered" from one of our discussions that I, personally, am addicted to: my 19 year old daughter, work, relationships. WTH???

I just wonder if anyone else experiences this phenomenon!

newnormal4me

Personally I think it is a cop out and a soft way for some people to make others feel like their situation or what they are doing is not much different from anyone else.

Case in point is that I have a daughter with a disability (cognitive)...many times people with say things like "well we all have a disability of some sort". Well, ok, I can go there. BUT, our little "eccentricities" that we might call a "disability" is not going to limit OUR life like my daughter's will hers. Not to say at all that my daughter's life will be limited...it will be seen as such by the masses. But, her life is her own, and she will live it the way she sees fit, lol. I get that people say this to "soften" the blow so to speak. And, actually I have been stupid enough to say it myself (a while back). I don't need anything softened. My child is my child, is the person she is and nothing anyone says is going to change that one iota. But I can choose to see her gifts and blessings and move forward to help her be the best she can be.

So...I actually think it is similar to say we all have addictions. But, the reality is...how much does one's "addiction" limit their ability to function on their own in society? Right? Shouldn't that be the real question? And, why don't we all just start by calling a spade a spade. JMHO!!!

Freedom1990

Interesting. I've been through rehab, done some NA, my foundation is AA, and I'm active in service work. I've never been of the mindset that everyone is an addict.

Chino

Enablers have addictive personality traits at the very least, so maybe he says that because he recognizes certain behaviors around him? Since I am addicted to nicotine and caffeine, I think I go beyond a trait or two

Kindeyes

I think everybody has addictions, problems, disabilities, etc. that limit them in some way, shape or form. That is the beauty of 12 step work IMHO. It allows us to search out those issues that hold us back in life and explore our potential.

I can choose not to define myself by my limitations, my past, or labels that are self imposed/imposed upon me by others.

gentle hugs

NoelleR

"...Why is it that when a loved one actively participates in rehab/NA/service work that suddenly EVERYONE is an addict???..."

I don't know how 'new' or 'old' you xbf is in his recovery, but this is something I have seen in some/many newcomers (first year through possibly their third year).

I'm sort of reminded of folks new to 'being born again' 'finding Jesus' 'etc.,' 'etc.,' 'etc.,' ----- they've found a new life and they want to 'save' everybody.....course, this analogy could just be my perception......


(o:
NoelleR

infiniti

I think you're on to something! Yes, he's in his 1st year so he's pretty zealous about it all.

thequest

I'll agree that most are "addicted" to something but most people have addictions that don't get them into trouble for starters. They have control and boundries. If I'm addicted to coffee I'm not committing a criminal act by legally purchasing that coffee nor would I think about stealing some or lying to get a cup. Nor will I be squirming like a freshly caught fish on the deck if I don't get some.

It sounds more like a rationalization.

meditation

I understand a bit what might be happening. It's like when someone gets religion. They want to spread it around give it away. And in AA and NA they say that you have to give it away to keep it meaning recovery. So people get on this new zealous kick of rosy glow about whatever it is they've found like religion, like recovery. Ever seen an ex cigarette smoker, they are more hard line about smoking than a non smoker. I think it must be some sort of way a person tries to gain some balance, they swing one way hard then the complete other direction until they get centered and balanced. Some people however may never find the center and be on the extreme poles, never finding a balance.

Abundance

Attachment and Addiction are two categories that can get blurred together.

Babyblue

I call it mumbo jumbo of some of those in recovery. I notice this peculiar attibute among my bf's hardcore AA folks and that is this chronic 'up with life and people! lets all love and hug' stuff that they pour onto their facebook pages. No one is more preachy than a reformed sinner. Ugh.

Being loving and at peace is something NEW for them. For the rest of us, it is assumed we are going to care and love and be kind to others. It is a no brainer.

Abundance

As codependents ... our love and kindness is tainted... because we are wanting to have major influence in their lives - their choices. In NA / AA / AL A ... it teaches to do those things, but doing it authentically - without an intention.

Inspiring people - inspire me !

meditation

There is a bit of a misconception though that all addicts are created equal. I can't say that not ever knowing peace or love or serenity is a new experience for me in recovery. I am recovered from my crazy bout of pills. I have returned to the sanity I had before my addiction started which was 40 years of peace and serenity maybe not all continuous years but mostly. This could be a true generalization for the addict that started addictions at a young age like preteen or early teens and don't come into their recovery till they are middle aged. I can't say how it is for them but for me I just finally realized it was time I quit wasting time, I spent 3 years in addiction and I'm glad to find myself again.
AA gives meaning to some of these people and that's a good thing. And maybe they also are a bit codependent thus trying to save all of us now that they've got recovery. I think it maybe a bit better than living in active addiction to be a bit zealous about the recovery and it takes time for character flaws to get fixed, it's very very difficult to change ones' entire life personality and behavior. I think truly it's about finding balance, that things don't all have to be cured in a day, black and white polar thinking is not the only thinking... that we can live in shades of gray meaning that we are a work in progress we don't have to be perfect.