MaryGoRound

I want to break my "real" no contact this time and just straight up beg him to get help.

I want to march right up to the design lab he's in and post pictures of junkies all over the walls and hopeful, provocative messages so he can see it along with everyone else who walks by.

I want to try and explain to him how much I care about him, again.

I want to tell him no matter what I believe in him, again.

I want to scream "I'm terrified of getting that call!" in his face.

Part of me wants to walk right up to him and shove him
against the wall a bit and just say LIAR!! right in front of our peers.

I would have liked to understood what the F he meant when he said.....x,y,z.

I just want to look at him with a blank face and a look that asks, this is really what you want?

I want to throw a brick through his windshield.

I want to try and organize an intervention.

I want to contact those who care about him.



But I won't because it doesn't matter. Just wanted do get this off my chest for today. I wanted to make a thread of all the crazy ideas we all have or have had. I'll post more, older, desperate ideas later.

coyote21

I really understand about "that call". I'm trying to prepare/steel myself, man it's hard.

I know in my gut it's coming soon. The only relief is staying in today, but that's sometimes hard to remember.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

coyote21

I remember one guy I met in AA with about 30 years sobriety told a story of when he was in his 20's, he wound up back home with his mother, broke, drunk, etc..

She took all his pants away. Her reasoning was without pants he couldn't get to the bar/liquor store. Sounds pretty reasonable to me. Ha!

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

MaryGoRound

LOL - that sounds like a clever woman!

Oh, coyote....Why do you think you'll be getting the call soon? I mean we never know, but i hope not!

steve1840

good for you for restraining from doing those things.

i also know the fear of that call. 6 or 7 women are supposed to have been murdered where my on-hold-girlfriend is living. i was n't sure if it was true, but have noticed crazy police activity there now and have heard it from a cop i talked to. scary.

fourmaggie

I am glad you got that off your chest...BOY, its a good one!

smith2b555

I have been married to a prescription junkie for 5 years now. I often think of those crazy things I want to do and say. But yet I don't. I am getting tired of being the supportive understanding one. Rehab has failed 3 times now. Promises, Promises......I'd feel bad for leaving him though. I do love him but I hate what he does.

fourmaggie

YOU hit a cord with me with that line...I am always the SUPPORTIVE ONE..but when i do something (wrong in there eyes) I get CALLED up on it...never supported .....hummmm

thanks for that moment of clearity!!

Hurtbad2505

My addict is my son. What I'd like to do but can't/won't

Put my arms around him and kiss his head like when he was little and make it all better

Track down and report everyone he gets his pills from till they are all gone

Disable his car so he can't get around to buy his Xanax

Smack him upside the head until he sees' what an idiot he is being..

Alas, all I can do is wait and pray and try to shake this horrible churning in my stomach that I've had all day. Quit wasting precious days consumed with worry over him and live for myself, my daughter and my family

smith2b555

I wish I recorded everything that went on in my home. I don't know how many times the table has turned on me for something he did...............Then try to discuss it later and it's "That never happened" or " I never said/did that". There is no support for me either I get grief for not babysitting his every need need and making everything perfect for him. I asked him once "What would he do if I had the drug problem?" He said "I wouldn't put up with it". Of course now he would say "I never said that". Sorry, I'm in a spat of anger right now rambling on and on. It's been a tough day.

smith2b555

I want to wake him up in the middle of the night, just because I couldn't sleep.

I want to call his boss and tell him the truth about why he misses work.

I want to post a picture of him with a crack pipe on myspace so I his friends and family who don't know about his secret could get a good look at who he really is now.

I want to tie him up and lock him in the basement until he no longer asks for any drug of any kind.

I want him to see what his addictions has done to his relationship with his kids.

I want the kids to throw a rotten tomato in his face for every time he neglected them when they really needed him.

I want to call the police and have them search for every controlled substance and remove it from my home and my cars.

I want him to choke on those stupid pills he swallows by the handfull.

I want him to fall flat on his face instead of me catching him when he staggers through the living room.

I want him to drive off in the ditch when he falls asleep behind the wheel instead of me grabbing the wheel.

tjp613

Powerful, smith.... and quite sad

MaryGoRound

I am glad this is helping.

Don't feel guilty for being angry guys! Don't judge it. Just let it out.

I legitimately want to post pictures of his face with the words: "liar, thief...
and meth addict." all over campus and pass them out to people who walk by.

SOOOOO bad.....

Someone tell why I shouldn't do this, lol.

Every time I see the same car as his I fantasize about what would be the best way to damage his.

I think instead I am going to park on the other side of campus so I don't have to be reminded of places on campus we have in common...
yeah. I'm going to feel empowered by that. But a teeny part of me doesn't want to let that last possibility of seeing him, seeing if he's okay go. But really, its hindering my progress by passing by his building, seeing if he's there.

I want to think of him and smile. And I can't do just that yet.

tjp613

OMG Cynical!! What did the captions say?? Wild times, eh?

keepinon

OHHH I want to play!

I want to smack her face next time she complains about whatever facility she is in that I am going broke for

I want to SCREAM at her when she can't run away listing all the ways she has robbed us, lied to us, broken our trust and out hearts

I want to say all those horrible names (I can't even write them here) to her that I think of when I think of what she did to herself to get those drugs

I want to bring her home, tuck her into bed, and nurse her back to health

I want to MAKE HER SEE what she had done to herself and everyone who ever loved her

But, I won't

Live

I am laughing my butt off.

For this moment I wish I could remember all those fantasies I had.

One time I bought a bottle of deer urine (they sell it for hunters) and I was headed to his house to spray down the bed.
I would have done it too...but I "bumped" into a friend along the road and instead we went and found him at the bar and busted him out making a fool of himself and acting like the male **** that he was.
Actually managed to embarass him when we walked in.

I always meant to stick some chewing gum in the almost invisible drain outlet of his window air conditioner so the water would leak into the wall.

One time I told him I sh!t in his cistern and he knew I was crazy and he believed me and drank bottled water for 3 months.

I almost bought a book on sneaky revenge but instead I just looked through it.

I was one mad woman...in more ways than one!

NightandDay

I want to kick him in the face while I'm wearing Doc Martens.

I want to call up, email, track down, get in touch with somehow, the stupid girl he dated when he and I were on a break so he could "find himself." Hmpf. I want to grab her by her dumb stringy blonde ponytail and scream, "DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE F*CKING A PILL HEAD YOU STUPID MORON? DID YOU KNOW HE HAD A GIRLFRIEND WHO WAS TRYING TO GET HIM HELP? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" And then I want to kick her in the face while I'm wearing Doc Martens.

Then I want to call up my parents and say "Hey, thanks for nothing -- I have totally dysfunctional relationships since you used to beat the sh*t out of me. I have no idea what love is. And neither do my brothers. So stop asking yourselves what's wrong with US and maybe look at how totally not perfect or nice or even close to loving you were. Oh yeah, and F*CK YOU."


As much as I don't want to post this, I'm going to. It makes me very uncomfortable that I just wrote all that. Time to punch my pillow it looks like.

enoughandenough

this is my first day and post. but i love this thread..it has made my day

i would love to call his little pill popping ex gf and give her a piece of my mind for using with him
i want to track down every one of his dealers and knock on their door with a cop
i want to tell him that he the the most worthless person ever
i want to kick him in the head over and over
i want to sleep with 500 people just to tell him all the details
i want him to feel as crappy as i feel
i want to tell him maybe i dont know what it's like looking for a vein for six hours in the bathroom, but he doesn't know what it's like loving someone who is dying

we've broken up. he's in rehab again and finally. but the anger i feel is unlike anything i have ever known.

Live

Sleep with 500 people and tell him all the details! LOL
I particularly like that one!

I did go around and get my photo taken with as many guys as were willing.
And mailed them to him after we broke up ...cause he thought I was out of town working for awhile and moved a girlfriend in and tried to hide it from me.

I was CRAZY!

and, btw, WELCOME

Nerdgirl

Hmm I've got some stuff to unload. I'd like to dole out some FUs too, it looks like it's therapeutic.

First and foremost - the mother of all FUs to my father, who abused me physically and emotionally, who put up hurdles every chance he could. The final straw was neglecting my kids' birthdays. He dumped on me for my entire life, but he will not have the luxury of spending even one minute of time with my kids if he does not love and respect them. I'd love to ask him, "why all of your kids are no contact with you, you clueless, narcissist, jerk?" and I'd like to say "Thanks for nothing, really, it takes more than genes to make a father".

A second helping of FU goes out to my malignant, codependent MIL, who seeks out ways to attack my character every opportunity she can - when my only "crime" is loving her son and grandchildren enough to want to keep drug addicts away from our home. Really? F her too, because I will never, ever back down from doing what is best for my kids, and if that means not seeing her malignant, two-faced, nasty self then that is A-OK by me. I'd love to tell her "Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya".

I've saved the biggest helping of FU for my creepy codependent FIL. He has disrespected our boundaries repeatedly and, he's a morally bankrupt creep. For *years* I've gotten a weird feeling, the was he just hitting on me? vibe and sure enough, he has ended his relationship with a contemporary to date a woman younger than I am. So, yes, he was hitting on me and that is so. frigging. gross. and above all, by hitting on me he has disrespected his son in a way that is completely beyond my comprehension. I'd just love to say - "No chance buddy, not even in your dreams".