Struggling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 42
Struggling
Hi Everyone,
So its been 4 days since my exbf broke up with me. I have been spending a lot of time with my family and there has been no contact between us. But the pain is still so fresh, I don't know if I will ever get over him.
I have lots of friends who check up on me every day and want to spend time with me, however I cant stop thinking about him. Almost every second I miss him and I cry every night.
I know that he wont be thinking about me and will be focusing on himself (as that's what he always did) but the pain is still so fresh.
Everyone I have talked to said that it was the best thing. He had a lot of issues and wouldn't be able to give me what I needed and if one day we had a family and he relapsed it would be very damaging. His recovery would take a long long time and with all the substances he was taking it may have caused permanent damage.
I have been reading other peoples posts and it seems like this is something that is going to take me at least a year to recover and focus on myself and that is so frightening. Will I continue to spend every second thinking about him and missing him? Will I ever get over this?
I'm going interstate today for the next few days and he was going to come and clear out his stuff and take his dogs whilst I am away. I have packed up a few of his things which just brought more emotions out. I keep thinking what I will come back to when I get home.
I changed his name in my phone to 'he is not in love with you' to remind me when I want to go and contact him. I really really miss him.
If you have been in love with someone for years and wanted to have a future with them but knew that they didn't feel the same way about you, how did you get over this? At this stage I seem to be forgetting all the bad things that happened and keep remembering the good. I do have a list of all the hurtful things he did, but my love seems to be overpowering all of them at the moment.
So its been 4 days since my exbf broke up with me. I have been spending a lot of time with my family and there has been no contact between us. But the pain is still so fresh, I don't know if I will ever get over him.
I have lots of friends who check up on me every day and want to spend time with me, however I cant stop thinking about him. Almost every second I miss him and I cry every night.
I know that he wont be thinking about me and will be focusing on himself (as that's what he always did) but the pain is still so fresh.
Everyone I have talked to said that it was the best thing. He had a lot of issues and wouldn't be able to give me what I needed and if one day we had a family and he relapsed it would be very damaging. His recovery would take a long long time and with all the substances he was taking it may have caused permanent damage.
I have been reading other peoples posts and it seems like this is something that is going to take me at least a year to recover and focus on myself and that is so frightening. Will I continue to spend every second thinking about him and missing him? Will I ever get over this?
I'm going interstate today for the next few days and he was going to come and clear out his stuff and take his dogs whilst I am away. I have packed up a few of his things which just brought more emotions out. I keep thinking what I will come back to when I get home.
I changed his name in my phone to 'he is not in love with you' to remind me when I want to go and contact him. I really really miss him.
If you have been in love with someone for years and wanted to have a future with them but knew that they didn't feel the same way about you, how did you get over this? At this stage I seem to be forgetting all the bad things that happened and keep remembering the good. I do have a list of all the hurtful things he did, but my love seems to be overpowering all of them at the moment.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
(((Katie)))
You will be able to move on when you decide that you are worth it. Think about all the pain he has sent your way, even in just the last two weeks. Think about all the terrible things he has said to you. Is that really the kind of person you want to one day father your children?
Moving on doesn't have to take a specific length of time. Does that mean you should be going out and finding a new guy right now? Probably not, because you may find yourself looking for pieces of him in someone else, and end up in the same trap with a different man.
You're obviously a great person if you have so many friends who care about you enough to call and check up on you when they know you're gonna be that sad. Lean on them for now; let them back in. You deserve to be around people who actually WANT you around.
And are you sure it's a good idea to let him be in your house when you're not there? Is there someone else who can be there instead to make sure he doesn't do anything funny, like brake a window, steal your jewelry, etc? I don't mean to keep pressing that issue, but I just have a really bad feeling about this.
You will be able to move on when you decide that you are worth it. Think about all the pain he has sent your way, even in just the last two weeks. Think about all the terrible things he has said to you. Is that really the kind of person you want to one day father your children?
Moving on doesn't have to take a specific length of time. Does that mean you should be going out and finding a new guy right now? Probably not, because you may find yourself looking for pieces of him in someone else, and end up in the same trap with a different man.
You're obviously a great person if you have so many friends who care about you enough to call and check up on you when they know you're gonna be that sad. Lean on them for now; let them back in. You deserve to be around people who actually WANT you around.
And are you sure it's a good idea to let him be in your house when you're not there? Is there someone else who can be there instead to make sure he doesn't do anything funny, like brake a window, steal your jewelry, etc? I don't mean to keep pressing that issue, but I just have a really bad feeling about this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
Originally Posted by katie28 
Hi Everyone,
So its been 4 days since my exbf broke up with me.
Remember, he broke up with you.
I have been spending a lot of time with my family and there has been no contact between us. But the pain is still so fresh, I don't know if I will ever get over him.
Give yourself some credit. It was a break up. Him leaving you no less and it does hurt. You have experienced a loss (despite him being an addict) and it hurts. If you didn't hurt, I would be concerned.
I have lots of friends who check up on me every day and want to spend time with me, however I cant stop thinking about him. Almost every second I miss him and I cry every night.
That's okay. It's still fresh. If you are crying like this for 2 or more weeks (everyday) then it's time to see a professional. But until then...give yourself time.
I know that he wont be thinking about me and will be focusing on himself (as that's what he always did) but the pain is still so fresh.
I wouldn't even think about he's thinking. This is crazymaking and it does you no good to help you move on and heal.
Everyone I have talked to said that it was the best thing. He had a lot of issues and wouldn't be able to give me what I needed and if one day we had a family and he relapsed it would be very damaging. His recovery would take a long long time and with all the substances he was taking it may have caused permanent damage.
I agree with your friends. If it hurts this bad imagine being deeply involved with this man (house, kids, marriage, etc.) for it to get torn apart with addiction.
I have been reading other peoples posts and it seems like this is something that is going to take me at least a year to recover and focus on myself and that is so frightening. Will I continue to spend every second thinking about him and missing him? Will I ever get over this?
Yes, but with work.
I'm going interstate today for the next few days and he was going to come and clear out his stuff and take his dogs whilst I am away. I have packed up a few of his things which just brought more emotions out. I keep thinking what I will come back to when I get home.
Leave his be for now. Take care of yourself first unless you just want his stuff out of sight. I took that one day to pack up everything and then threw it out. I know....harsh.... but it's what I had to do to move on. My exabf also broke up with me by saying he wasn't sure if he could wait on me while I needed space from his chaos. He flip flopped and I finally cut him off. One day he wanted me and the next he didn't because he wasn't happy with something I said. I realized I am far better without him.
I changed his name in my phone to 'he is not in love with you' to remind me when I want to go and contact him. I really really miss him.
If you have been in love with someone for years and wanted to have a future with them but knew that they didn't feel the same way about you, how did you get over this? At this stage I seem to be forgetting all the bad things that happened and keep remembering the good. I do have a list of all the hurtful things he did, but my love seems to be overpowering all of them at the moment.
So its been 4 days since my exbf broke up with me.
Remember, he broke up with you.
I have been spending a lot of time with my family and there has been no contact between us. But the pain is still so fresh, I don't know if I will ever get over him.
Give yourself some credit. It was a break up. Him leaving you no less and it does hurt. You have experienced a loss (despite him being an addict) and it hurts. If you didn't hurt, I would be concerned.
I have lots of friends who check up on me every day and want to spend time with me, however I cant stop thinking about him. Almost every second I miss him and I cry every night.
That's okay. It's still fresh. If you are crying like this for 2 or more weeks (everyday) then it's time to see a professional. But until then...give yourself time.
I know that he wont be thinking about me and will be focusing on himself (as that's what he always did) but the pain is still so fresh.
I wouldn't even think about he's thinking. This is crazymaking and it does you no good to help you move on and heal.
Everyone I have talked to said that it was the best thing. He had a lot of issues and wouldn't be able to give me what I needed and if one day we had a family and he relapsed it would be very damaging. His recovery would take a long long time and with all the substances he was taking it may have caused permanent damage.
I agree with your friends. If it hurts this bad imagine being deeply involved with this man (house, kids, marriage, etc.) for it to get torn apart with addiction.
I have been reading other peoples posts and it seems like this is something that is going to take me at least a year to recover and focus on myself and that is so frightening. Will I continue to spend every second thinking about him and missing him? Will I ever get over this?
Yes, but with work.
I'm going interstate today for the next few days and he was going to come and clear out his stuff and take his dogs whilst I am away. I have packed up a few of his things which just brought more emotions out. I keep thinking what I will come back to when I get home.
Leave his be for now. Take care of yourself first unless you just want his stuff out of sight. I took that one day to pack up everything and then threw it out. I know....harsh.... but it's what I had to do to move on. My exabf also broke up with me by saying he wasn't sure if he could wait on me while I needed space from his chaos. He flip flopped and I finally cut him off. One day he wanted me and the next he didn't because he wasn't happy with something I said. I realized I am far better without him.
I changed his name in my phone to 'he is not in love with you' to remind me when I want to go and contact him. I really really miss him.
If you have been in love with someone for years and wanted to have a future with them but knew that they didn't feel the same way about you, how did you get over this? At this stage I seem to be forgetting all the bad things that happened and keep remembering the good. I do have a list of all the hurtful things he did, but my love seems to be overpowering all of them at the moment.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 42
I have moved my good things to my parents house. I speak with his father every other day and I know that if anything happened his dad would make things right. When I told him that he had threatned to take my house when he was in a horrible mood his dad said he would never talk to him again if that happened. My mum lives around the corner and will be checking up on things whilst I'm away.
I keep thinking of the things he said to me recently like 'i don't want to be with anyone else. I will never find someone as good as you' and I just can't seem to get it into my head that he didn't mean it. Everytime my phone rings I secretly hope it's him. I must sound so pathetic.
I keep thinking of the things he said to me recently like 'i don't want to be with anyone else. I will never find someone as good as you' and I just can't seem to get it into my head that he didn't mean it. Everytime my phone rings I secretly hope it's him. I must sound so pathetic.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Sure you will get over him. You are in mourning, time will heal you.
Don't be impatient, go thru the process. This too shall pass.
As a side note, you mentioned children. I have often asked myself why would anyone have a child with a known addict/alcoholic? This is something that my lodgical mind just can't comprehend. Must have something to do with my parents, both were alcoholics. My childhood was toxic at best.
Be kind to yourself!
Don't be impatient, go thru the process. This too shall pass.
As a side note, you mentioned children. I have often asked myself why would anyone have a child with a known addict/alcoholic? This is something that my lodgical mind just can't comprehend. Must have something to do with my parents, both were alcoholics. My childhood was toxic at best.
Be kind to yourself!
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
Hon, it's only been 4 days. It is entirely normal to still be very hurt and more or less obsess over the past. It WILL get better, but it WILL require a little work on your part. I doubt seriously that it will take a year, but it really depends on you and how you handle things.
You say that several people are calling, asking to spend time with you. While you may not feel like it today or tomorrow, but soon, start taking them up on their offers. Go and do things that will get your mind off him. Sitting and obsessing every minute of every day is only prolonging the agony. The more you get away from thoughts of him and start getting out with friends, the easier it will be. It's really up to you how long you wallow in misery. It's entirely natural to be sad, but, just like anything else, it depends on how you handle the situation as to how long it will take for you to get better. ((((HUGS))))
You say that several people are calling, asking to spend time with you. While you may not feel like it today or tomorrow, but soon, start taking them up on their offers. Go and do things that will get your mind off him. Sitting and obsessing every minute of every day is only prolonging the agony. The more you get away from thoughts of him and start getting out with friends, the easier it will be. It's really up to you how long you wallow in misery. It's entirely natural to be sad, but, just like anything else, it depends on how you handle the situation as to how long it will take for you to get better. ((((HUGS))))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Break ups are so hard. We need to grieve our losses, then gather our wits about us, and move forward - babystep by babystep. We get to choose how long we stay miserable. If we take charge of the situation, we heal faster.
Seems like the way I used to get over break ups were action oriented. I just started doing the things for myself that i hadn't been doing for myself during the relationship.
ie....
Join a gym and work out regularly
New haircut/hair color
Get a makeover at a high end department store
Plan a vacation
Get back in touch with friends I hadn't talked to in a while
Go back to church
Help out a friend who needed it
Volunteer my time with the less fortunate - food bank, animal shelter or nursing home
Seems like the way I used to get over break ups were action oriented. I just started doing the things for myself that i hadn't been doing for myself during the relationship.
ie....
Join a gym and work out regularly
New haircut/hair color
Get a makeover at a high end department store
Plan a vacation
Get back in touch with friends I hadn't talked to in a while
Go back to church
Help out a friend who needed it
Volunteer my time with the less fortunate - food bank, animal shelter or nursing home
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