I don't know
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 2
I don't know
I don't know what I am doing.
I met a man, who is a little rough around the edges, but a beautiful person none the less. We have definitely already fallen quite strongly for each other.
I come from a place where drug use is a non-issue. It just doesn't happen.
He recently let me know that he is a recovering crack addict. He has been clean for two years.
I told him that it was fine, as long as it was in the past, but if it happens again, I am out.
After a few weeks, it is still weighing heavy on my heart. I really don't know what it means to be dating a recovering addict. I don't know what to expect. I suppose I am looking for some insight.
I don't know what to look for, what to be skeptical about, or how to support him. Or even if that is my responsibility?
We still drink together, is that okay?
Is there somewhere I can go to ask all of the millions of questions that are running through my head?
I don't even know where to start processing this.
Please, just write random thoughts...advice....suggestions...
I just need to learn and understand.
I met a man, who is a little rough around the edges, but a beautiful person none the less. We have definitely already fallen quite strongly for each other.
I come from a place where drug use is a non-issue. It just doesn't happen.
He recently let me know that he is a recovering crack addict. He has been clean for two years.
I told him that it was fine, as long as it was in the past, but if it happens again, I am out.
After a few weeks, it is still weighing heavy on my heart. I really don't know what it means to be dating a recovering addict. I don't know what to expect. I suppose I am looking for some insight.
I don't know what to look for, what to be skeptical about, or how to support him. Or even if that is my responsibility?
We still drink together, is that okay?
Is there somewhere I can go to ask all of the millions of questions that are running through my head?
I don't even know where to start processing this.
Please, just write random thoughts...advice....suggestions...
I just need to learn and understand.
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
zoo,
my random thoughts............things may be fine, he may be okay, he may be in recovery and working on himself. Because from what I feel, recovery is an ongoing process.
Another thought...alcohol could be a substitution drug. How does he drink? What's his demeanor when he drinks? Do you see alot of narcisstic behavior?
Stand back and analyze, take your time, and take one day at a time, try not to futurize.
My brother is a recovering alcoholic, and drug abuser, he has been sober now, about 20 years. His GF gave him a chance, and they now are married 18 years and have a daughter.
But knowing what I know, from personal experience and the heartache my 2 sons have caused to their Gf's over the years, I would be hesitant to let anyone in my life that I knew at one time abused drugs...but that's just my opinion.
Hugs...
my random thoughts............things may be fine, he may be okay, he may be in recovery and working on himself. Because from what I feel, recovery is an ongoing process.
Another thought...alcohol could be a substitution drug. How does he drink? What's his demeanor when he drinks? Do you see alot of narcisstic behavior?
Stand back and analyze, take your time, and take one day at a time, try not to futurize.
My brother is a recovering alcoholic, and drug abuser, he has been sober now, about 20 years. His GF gave him a chance, and they now are married 18 years and have a daughter.
But knowing what I know, from personal experience and the heartache my 2 sons have caused to their Gf's over the years, I would be hesitant to let anyone in my life that I knew at one time abused drugs...but that's just my opinion.
Hugs...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 611
I dated someone for 2 years who had 5 years sober when I met him. While dating him that is when he chose to relapse and it's been hell since. I recently broke up with him because of the chaos of addiction and watching him recover.
I'm a therapist and a professional working with addicts and I couldn't do anything to prevent it or help it. It was completely out of my control.
If I had a chance to rewind time and know that the road would have been like it was in the last 2 years, I would have NEVER gotten involved with an ex-addict, recovering addict, etc.
If he's drinking...he's not in recovery and/or a relapse on his drug of choice is lurking around the corner. Just be careful and keep your distance or RUN while you still have the chance. !!
I'm a therapist and a professional working with addicts and I couldn't do anything to prevent it or help it. It was completely out of my control.
If I had a chance to rewind time and know that the road would have been like it was in the last 2 years, I would have NEVER gotten involved with an ex-addict, recovering addict, etc.
If he's drinking...he's not in recovery and/or a relapse on his drug of choice is lurking around the corner. Just be careful and keep your distance or RUN while you still have the chance. !!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
I have to agree... if you really want to proceed with this, please do so with extreme caution. Very few addicts can drink without eventually relapsing or even developing a whole new drug of choice (even in the alcohol itself).
While there are recovering addicts who stay clean for decades, and he may be one of them, the problem is that oftentimes when a relapse does occur, we don't know it until the deed is already done, so chances are you wouldn't know he was using again until he had fallen back into addiction.
And whatever you do, please do not fall into the trap of thinking that his continued recovery is in any way your responsibility. That's how most of us who have a loved one who is an addict end up ruining our own lives, because then it becomes easy to obsess over this other person and get carried away trying to help them. If he needs support, it needs to come from meetings and therapy.
While there are recovering addicts who stay clean for decades, and he may be one of them, the problem is that oftentimes when a relapse does occur, we don't know it until the deed is already done, so chances are you wouldn't know he was using again until he had fallen back into addiction.
And whatever you do, please do not fall into the trap of thinking that his continued recovery is in any way your responsibility. That's how most of us who have a loved one who is an addict end up ruining our own lives, because then it becomes easy to obsess over this other person and get carried away trying to help them. If he needs support, it needs to come from meetings and therapy.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 69
Two years is not very long at all. It sounds like a long time to those of us who have never had an addiction issue. It is not for an addict. I am learning the hard way...was in a very similar situation that I am still dealing with emotionally. The person you are seeing may be ready for the good parts of dating or a relationship; but may not be ready for the bad parts. In other words, he may be ready to embrace the positive emotions of a relationship, but if things go wrong, he may not be able to cope with the negative emotions without relapsing.
Ditto on the drinking...addicts cannot moderate.
Ditto on the drinking...addicts cannot moderate.
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