Blogs


Notices

summing it up and last question

Old 07-02-2010, 11:03 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
Blog Entries: 8
summing it up and last question

she has been onthe streets for a month. i saw her two days ago for about 6 hours. i told her her family and i care for and love her and that i would help her. i do not know where she lives. she has a phone, no charger. she said she needs help and asked if i would help. i said yes, when you want rehab i will take you. i dropped her back off on the streets. she cried and asked again if i would help. i said yes.

do i try to find her again to tell remind her of her normal life and hope she might want the help or at least to remind her help is available or just let her go until she seeks the help? i think i know what the answer will be
steve1840 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to steve1840 For This Useful Post:
Learn2Live (07-02-2010)
Old 07-02-2010, 12:32 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
Blog Entries: 8
it just is so difficult to not even try to lead the horse to water. i know i cannot make it drink.

i am understanding the hands off stuff, but did you feel that you had to reiterate to the addict that you are there to make the call for them, and to assure them they are loved?

its only been a short time but i feel i have been pulled back into this void. i do not want to stay there, but i feel her void is even darker. how can i not want to make sure she knows i will help with the rehab? and the fact that she is prostituting tears me up even atthe level of knowing hte shame it is causing her.

i guessthe healthiest thing for me is to step away and detatch andhave faith that if she is ready for help she will find a way to contact me.

its very hard to do, but i dont need to tell you that
steve1840 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to steve1840 For This Useful Post:
fourmaggie (07-03-2010), Learn2Live (07-02-2010), tjp613 (07-02-2010)
Old 07-02-2010, 12:45 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Just livin' the dream
 
suki44883's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 29,184
She knows you will help her. She doesn't want it yet...maybe never. It is HER life to lead however she sees fit. If she truly hated it so much, she would be willing to do whatever it takes to change it. The fact that she continues on is proof that she is not yet ready.

Stop trying to control the situation. You say you understand you can't, yet you still try. Just telling her "one more time" that help is available is just you attempting to control. Trust me, she knows.
suki44883 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
Gmoney (07-04-2010), Learn2Live (07-02-2010), Nerdgirl (07-02-2010)
Old 07-02-2010, 12:53 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
Blog Entries: 8
anvil- thanks. i do not feel i am her only sort of help. but it is true that i am one of the onyl people she trusts, if not THE only one. all i want to do is to make sure she knows i am there if and when she is ready.

suki- thank you too. yes, i realize now that i am trying to have some control. "trust me she knows" That is exactly what i wanted/needed to hear. thank you
steve1840 is offline  
Old 07-02-2010, 12:55 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Chino's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Blog Entries: 3
No matter what the situation, when I've done everything I can in good conscience, there comes a point where I have to say "I'm powerless."

I intellectually understood that, but it wasn't until my therapist had me say the words out loud that I accepted it. That was a very bittersweet moment for me. Hurt so much and yet so freeing. I cried like there was no tomorrow.
Chino is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Chino For This Useful Post:
fourmaggie (07-03-2010), Nerdgirl (07-02-2010), steve1840 (07-02-2010)
Old 07-02-2010, 02:05 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 69
Originally Posted by Chino View Post
No matter what the situation, when I've done everything I can in good conscience, there comes a point where I have to say "I'm powerless."

I intellectually understood that, but it wasn't until my therapist had me say the words out loud that I accepted it. That was a very bittersweet moment for me. Hurt so much and yet so freeing. I cried like there was no tomorrow.
For me, crying is in a sense a way of healing, even if the relief is only temporary. It is a powerful coping mechanism that I have embraced because it allows me to let go of what I am thinking and feeling, even only if for a short period of time.
oshkoshberjosh is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to oshkoshberjosh For This Useful Post:
Chino (07-02-2010), Nerdgirl (07-02-2010)
Old 07-02-2010, 02:21 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
Blog Entries: 8
anvil- that is indeed something to think about. there is a part of me trying to control something in some way. and i have to let it go. its because this is so fresh and i know from experience how far she can fall. it is just so sad. i also just found out that another girl in my extended family, only 21, is in the same situation. its as if the addiction disease isnt enough, there are dirtball guys who make prostitution possible. they care nothing about the addictions and struggles the girls are dealing with, all they want is cheap sex.

oshkosh- gardening is my outlet right now
steve1840 is offline  
Old 07-02-2010, 02:37 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Exactly where my HP wants me to be
Posts: 136
Blog Entries: 1
Originally Posted by steve1840 View Post
anvil- that is indeed something to think about. there is a part of me trying to control something in some way. and i have to let it go. its because this is so fresh and i know from experience how far she can fall. it is just so sad. i also just found out that another girl in my extended family, only 21, is in the same situation. its as if the addiction disease isnt enough, there are dirtball guys who make prostitution possible. they care nothing about the addictions and struggles the girls are dealing with, all they want is cheap sex.

oshkosh- gardening is my outlet right now
Unless she is a minor that has been coerced or kidnapped no one twisted her arms off to make her work as a prostitute. She owns the consequences of being a "working girl" so please stop trying to shift the blame to the johns. She owns who she is and where she is. She owns all of this, not you, not me. I know that this is hard for you because you care for her, but please do let go and God. Trust that God will guide her in her recovery, because God loves all of us.
Nerdgirl is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Nerdgirl For This Useful Post:
Freedom1990 (07-02-2010), Gmoney (07-04-2010)
Old 07-02-2010, 02:44 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Chino's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Blog Entries: 3
My daughter has hep C and is really sick today. I asked her if she thought she might need help and what kind? She said she'd call the doctor soon and I said ok, holler if you need anything.
Chino is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Chino For This Useful Post:
Freedom1990 (07-02-2010), Learn2Live (07-02-2010), SisOfAnAddict (07-02-2010)
Old 07-02-2010, 07:59 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
cece1960's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The Burgh
Posts: 1,988
Well said Anvil...
cece1960 is offline  
Old 07-02-2010, 08:42 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
tjp613's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Blog Entries: 16
I guess we kind of have to think of it in terms that they have a disease like any other... cancer, Parkinsons, whatever. If my son has cancer, there is not a dang thing I can do to help him get better unless HE CHOOSES to see a doctor and follow the medical advice. The best I can do is pray for him.
tjp613 is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to tjp613 For This Useful Post:
Chino (07-02-2010)
Old 07-03-2010, 06:45 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
I'm no angel!
 
dollydo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
You cannot save someone who does want to be saved. You cannot love someone clean. You cannot control someone into recovery.

Steve, you just don't have that power.

If you want to help her, turn her over to her HP, let her go, she will seek recovery when she is ready and no one minute before.

You are convincing yourself that you and only you can save her--WRONG--no one can save her except her.

Rather than obsessing about her, go to the library and check out some books on codependency, read them from cover to cover, this will be a positive step in the right direction...for you.
dollydo is offline  
Old 07-03-2010, 07:46 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
I AM CANADIAN
 
fourmaggie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
Blog Entries: 45
Here here!!
fourmaggie is offline  
Old 07-03-2010, 07:48 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
I AM CANADIAN
 
fourmaggie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Niagara Region, Canada
Posts: 2,578
Blog Entries: 45
Originally Posted by fourmaggie View Post
no matter what the situation, when i've done everything i can in good conscience, there comes a point where i have to say "i'm powerless....
OPPS!! still learning...
here! Here!
fourmaggie is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:07 AM.