I should have posted here a long time ago...

Old 06-14-2010, 04:57 PM
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Lily's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Midwest
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I should have posted here a long time ago...

I am a recovering addict alcoholic with a sister in active "prescription addiction." The reason I emphasize this is because she thinks she needs all over her meds and is not one of "those" people. She misuses her meds daily and I honestly think that she could be mentally ill on top of everything else. Since she is my sister I know her personality and how she has always held grudges.

Anyway, she is fighting w/ her 24 yr old married 4 yrs w/ her own life daughter. Most of it stems from the fact that she can not control her anymore cuz not only is her daughter living 500 miles away, but her daughter is setting up boundaries now in her relationship with her mother. My sister called me today on my lunch at work and proceeded to tell me her daughter was living a wrong life and for me to have NOTHING whatsoever to do w/ her and not to contact her anymore. I nicely reminded my sis that her daughter is not living in SIN as much as she does not want to have her mom boss her around any more, just like she didn't want mom to boss her around.

My sister did not hear anything I said. I knew my sister was traveling down near her daughter and was hoping and praying for reconcilation between her and her daughter. They spent 2 days together, and had a good time, but as her daughter was leaving my sister went off on her and told her a few things and my sis felt justified, then she called me up 2400 miles away and told me what she told her daugther.

I was so steamed cuz I had spent all this time worrying and trying to fix everyone and now this. then I started being bummed and could not focus so I called my sister back and left her a voice mail. I said please do not include me in your fights anymore, do not bring up my name to them and do not tell me anything that goes on between you two-it is just too upsetting to me and I don't want anything to do w/ it ever again. Thank you.

I should have done it to her face, but I didn't want anyone to hear me raising my voice at work. I can not fix or change her and I finally am through. I cannot change any of it and I just cannot deal w/ it anymore. I won't listen to her antics and how she has her husband call her daughters husband and yell at him to yell at his wife, I won't deal w/ any of it anymore.

UGH! Thanks for listening. I know I need a ton of work in the codependancy, but how did you all handle this w/ your families? thanks!
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Old 06-14-2010, 05:18 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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I think we started handling it in much the same way you just did, Lily.

Setting a boundary that says "I will not be in the middle, or deal with ____ and ___.

I think that as long as we understand, and accept the consequences of these boundaries, we are in good shape. I mean, the consequence that your sister may actually respect the boundary, and may actually cut ties with you because for her it might be an all-or-nothing kind of thing. If you are ok with that going in, and you didn't state your boundary as a way to "get her" to change her behavior or see the error of her ways....that's what it's all about.

Good for you to get off that ride.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:15 AM
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For me, boundaries were very slow in coming and I needed lots of support..alanon has helped alot. SOunds like you are off to good start.Now the hard part...sticking to it!
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