What to do....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 76
Dear Friend,
I married my (pain killer addict) husband a couple years ago. At the time we were married, he was hiding it from me, and I was also very naive. I will say I married the exact man for me, but he is an addict (and that comes with a lot of problems). You say you are scared. And I'm going to be blunt- YOU SHOULD BE. I'm not trying to be rude. Some of the best advice I've gotten on this site is hard core honesty. So that's what I'm trying to give to you... I have some advice for you. Please take it. I would love to save you some of the heart ache that I've had to feel.
Go to your local library and check out every book they have on addiction. Visit SR daily. Go to nar anon or al anon meetings in person. Learn everything you possibly can about addiction! Educate yourself!
Even though this man may be your future husband- he is in a fragile state right now! Marriage is a great thing. But it's an adjustment. And it just doesn't sound like you guys are in a good place right now. Give him time to adjust to life being sober. Give yourself time to adjust to him being sober. You don't have to hurry up and get hitched. WAITING could be the smartest thing you've ever done.
Please understand me, I'm not trying to burst your bubble. I'm not saying don't marry him. I'm just saying KNOW WHAT YOU GETTING YOURSELF INTO & KNOW THAT HE IS WORTH IT BEFORE YOU WALK DOWN THAT AISLE. I am happily married. But the past couple years have been the hardest of my life. I can say it has made us stronger. But it is really hard to be married to an man that you don't trust. The only thing that makes it ok, is that he is wonderful to me, & he is everything to me. So before you marry him (PLEASE) make sure you think long and hard about it.
Sorry I was so rough on you.
I married my (pain killer addict) husband a couple years ago. At the time we were married, he was hiding it from me, and I was also very naive. I will say I married the exact man for me, but he is an addict (and that comes with a lot of problems). You say you are scared. And I'm going to be blunt- YOU SHOULD BE. I'm not trying to be rude. Some of the best advice I've gotten on this site is hard core honesty. So that's what I'm trying to give to you... I have some advice for you. Please take it. I would love to save you some of the heart ache that I've had to feel.
Go to your local library and check out every book they have on addiction. Visit SR daily. Go to nar anon or al anon meetings in person. Learn everything you possibly can about addiction! Educate yourself!
Even though this man may be your future husband- he is in a fragile state right now! Marriage is a great thing. But it's an adjustment. And it just doesn't sound like you guys are in a good place right now. Give him time to adjust to life being sober. Give yourself time to adjust to him being sober. You don't have to hurry up and get hitched. WAITING could be the smartest thing you've ever done.
Please understand me, I'm not trying to burst your bubble. I'm not saying don't marry him. I'm just saying KNOW WHAT YOU GETTING YOURSELF INTO & KNOW THAT HE IS WORTH IT BEFORE YOU WALK DOWN THAT AISLE. I am happily married. But the past couple years have been the hardest of my life. I can say it has made us stronger. But it is really hard to be married to an man that you don't trust. The only thing that makes it ok, is that he is wonderful to me, & he is everything to me. So before you marry him (PLEASE) make sure you think long and hard about it.
Sorry I was so rough on you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: MD
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
keep in mind what might be uncomfortable and sad for you - the 5 month rehab separation - is LIFE OR DEATH for him.
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