tam

Im glad the nicer weather is here,that surely helps with ME..but, people are out and about (including facebook)and I just dont say much about my situation, they often have asked how he is doing and to say hello,(they think he is living home)but I just say sure okay. we are very well known in this town from both growing up here and I just feel embarrassed or ashamed and sad for him to tell people he is dealing with this. they know his mental illness and his past addiction. but he tells people that he is a chronic pain sufferer thus needing the pills. he also goes to our pharmacy and ice cream shop or mini mart with the girl (she is married) and that really bothers me as they are saying this and that about what happened (of course not the truth), even though she is 26 (also mental illness) (he's 52) and she is nothing to look at..but it bothers me. I feel betrayed.I have come a long way, doing things for myself,taking care of the house,working fulltime, shopping,running alot now etc..but just some days I feel down and no self esteem. then I also realize that people would know the truth ,Im a good person, 2x cancer patient and always stood by him, but this time I wont. I know I shouldnt let them do this,but some days its hard.

Chino

"We're no longer together and I'd rather not discuss it; thank you for understanding. How are you doing?"

keepinon

You don't have anything to be ashamed of.. I live in a small town too, and work in a social work type field. When all this went down with my AD I was so emabarrassed and ashamed I isolated myself and avoided people. When I came out and was pretty honest about what was going on I found most people have someone in their family who has similar problems. Although some people were inadvertantly insensitive most people have been really supportive and shared their own stories with me. It's hard no matter what, but I'm coming thru this a much less judgemental and more humbled person, both of which are lessons I needed to learn. Good luck....

Ann

My thoughts exactly. We don't have to explain, discuss or rationalize anything we'd rather keep private. What Chino posted clarifies the situation with him, and makes it clear that it's not up for discussion.

Hold your head high, you have done nothing wrong.

Hugs

tam

thank you very much ..

coffeedrinker

sorry you're having a tough time these days, tam.

outtolunch

I remembered the day when I let go of caring about what other people say or think. That was the day I let go of feeling responsible for all that had happened.

If I had the power to cause it, I would have the power to cure it. I am just not that powerful.

Callie

I can totally relate - I too live in a small town and have really struggled with XAH and his wild out of control, often times public binges. He's made a complete fool out of himself and even though it wasn't *me* who did this, I still felt the shame because I was married to him.

I really like Chino's suggestion of what to say. I've used something similar. I can say that I am slowly coming to life again. I can also say that though some people love to see others fall, most have been supportive, kind and caring. The only thing that you can do is go through it - one foot in front of the other, head held high.