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I never know what to do =(

Old 05-23-2010, 10:42 AM
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I never know what to do =(

I woke up so depressed this morning. After a year of living in another state, my 19 heroin AD is back. My dad and I drove 1400 miles round trip to bring her back. She has been living in a christian-based women's shelter for a litle over a week. It's a very nice place that focuses on recovery. We visited her yesterday for the first time, took her out to dinner. She seems to know (hinting about it quite a few times) about a family event that is taking place today at my MIL's. We are celebrating 3 birthdays. Last night I decided it was probably best not to have her go. My reasons - I don't trust her around cell phones or computers (although she can find access to both anyway) but I don't want to give her any added opportunities to get a hold of a drug connection while at my MIL's. I want her to learn how to be alone on the weekends at the shelter, but I know when she is alone she gets very depressed and that is a huge trigger for her. She struggles with mental issues and self-medicates. She has not seen my husband's family in over a year. I know they would like to see her and vice versa. They are a loving, happy, supportive family. I'm just afraid. Am I doing the right thing by bringing her or not bringing her? Should I just let her be for awhile? I am so confused. I never know if I am doing the right thing or not. First I told my husband - no I don't want her to go, then I changed my mind after many tears this morning.. yes I want her to go. I don't trust any of my decisions, ever. For a year while she was gone, I didn't do anything, I just let her be, I lived my own life. Now that she is back, I want to give her opportunities to be around her family, but she can't be trusted. I wish I knew what the hell to do. Struggling if I should call and leave a message at the shelter that I will pick her up today.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 05-23-2010, 10:52 AM
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My first thought, let it be. There will be other family events down the road.

Try to relax and enjoy your day!
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Old 05-23-2010, 11:12 AM
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Boy, do I know about indecision!! I am the worse! Never can make up my mind and, when I do, I always doubt that I've done the right thing.

In this case, I think I would let her join the family. If she screws it up, then you don't have to worry about next time because you already gave her the chance.

As far as "police(ing)" her goes, forget that. My grandmother use to say, if they want to do something, they'll do it behind the door! Nothing you can do about that.

Relax, enjoy, and I pray that all goes well.

Hugs, Devastated
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Old 05-23-2010, 11:30 AM
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Just my opinion, take it for what it's worth.
I would give her a chance. Just make sure that she stays in your or your husbands sight and keep her away from the computer.
Sometimes being at a family event makes the addict feel like they are loved and is very helpful to their recovery. It sounds as if your husband's family is the perfect place for her to be for her first time back home.
If she wants to stay clean, she will focus on the family event, if she doesn't, she can find a cell phone and a computer anywhere (and you already said that)
I hope whatever you choose, that YOU have a fun time and a good day.
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Old 05-23-2010, 11:36 AM
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Right now, I want to follow Dolly's advice. Later tonight, I might regret whatever decision I make. Trust my heart, trust my head.... I can't even make a decision about bringing my AD to a family event. Now I sit here and think how hard it must be for my daughter to make the decision not to use.

Today is not starting out well.
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Old 05-23-2010, 11:55 AM
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(((357))) - it's okay NOT to take her. I'm an RA and I missed out on a LOT of family events. Now that I'm in recovery, I appreciate them SOOOO much more.

You wouldn't be able to enjoy YOURSELF if you have to "police" her...go and have a good time. She's where she needs to be. JMO.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 05-23-2010, 01:59 PM
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Two hours from the family event and deciding if I should invite my daughter or not, and reality hit me when I put myself in detach mode. I took a hot shower and realized that whatever I chose to do today would not change the outcome of her recovery. But my choice was not to take the chance of having to play policeman or warden with family members there, especially the little kids. I needed to tell her about my feelings though so I sent her a message and I feel good about what I said because it was not too much, too wordy, accusatory, or anything. It was all about me.

Also, during my detachment today (and thanks to Callie for her thread on that because that is what reminded me about detaching today) I realized that I need help too. Not just writing a little here and there on the internet and reading The Language of Letting Go. So I'm going to make an appointment to see a counselor right away and get myself to some meetings this week.

C <3
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