Nichole78

So last night i received a call from my brother ( 4th one of the day) asking me if I still had the number to the detox he tried to get into about a month ago....sure did so i give him the number and wait for him to call me back to tell me what happend. Now in the back of my mind i knew they were going to tell him he needed to be medically cleared before coming in because last month he tried to get in but he had self inflicted cuts on his arm (about 10 from what step dad says) and they told him he needed to get a psych eval and be cleared so they could accept him and they would hold a bed while he went and did this....he didnt do it. About 20 min later he calls me and tells me just that, its in the computer that he needs to be cleared, even though the cuts are gone, i knew this was gonna happen. Well hes not going, not gonna sit around and wait for an eval when he knows he is just fine (yeah...OK), SO i speak up and say.......ya know, if you wont do anything and everything it takes to get clean then you just arent ready yet, he says he is just doesnt need an eval, then proceeds to tell me if he had a gun he would kill himself right now, yet he doesnt need an eval??? Also told me unless he is high he is not happy and doesnt even see a point to life. SO i pointed out all the good that was going on when he was clean, most days he was happy, course he didnt want to hear that either. SO i say, ok u dont want an eval,,,how about a dual diagnosis center that can treat you for both...NOPE hes not leaving where he is, not going to another town cause hes sick of starting over everywhere. He says that i have NO idea what its like to live his life with addiction, so i got real mad, i said THANK GOD and you have NO idea what its like to live on the other side of addiction and you are lucky i love you enough to stand by your side, told him i was done watching him destroy himself and if he didnt do the right thing our daily calls are going to turn into weekly calls. Told him i loved him with all my heart and I wanted my brother back, my healthy brother, and he says.........I gotta go

When he doesnt hear what he wants to hear, he just ends the conversation. Im pretty sure hes going to be VERY sick today, he got suboxne for 2 days and last night he was feeling sick, he was saying he was gonna get high no matter what, im praying he wakes up so sick and decides to just surrender and do this right, hes tried it on his own and he just cant pick himself back up on his own. Maybe he will get it, hopefully sooner than later, maybe he wont, I pray he does,,,this is horrible.

On top of him (hes the worst right now) my father who lives accross the street with me and my bf are addicts (pills) things are tough right now.

Please pray for me and my family..........looking into therapy for myself today when my son takes his nap before i have a nervous breakdown!

Thank you everyone for being here fore me,

JMFburns

Nichole,

Backing the conversations off with your brother to every other day, or even once a week is a good, first small step for you to take. You don't have to be in the front seat with him as he "drives" this addiction road. I commend you for being a support for him, but putting some of it in his hands and stepping back to see what/if/how he handles it is ok, good even.

You can't fix him. Sure, you can love the heck out of him, but you can't fix him.

Just sent up a prayer in your name. God knows your name and he knows your needs.

Insulated

had a gun he would kill himself

My late ABF stated " if i thought i could slit my wrists and it all be over i would". He died of an accidental overdose that night. I think you should call the proper authorities.

coffeedrinker

Nichole,

He sounds like my abf has sounded from time to time. Thing is, he is not clear-headed. Even if he's been off the junk for a few days, he is still not thinking clearly for awhile. He is still in "addict mode". You do need to back off I think. Telling him all those things about himself, about life, just falls on deaf ears anyway. Maybe think of a sentence to say and every time he calls you, you just say it. And then stop.
Like, "Call me when you are in the rehab center. I love you and believe in you."

Serenebynow

Hi N78,
I am so sorry you are in pain. It sounds to me like therapy may help you. There's always Alanon... Have you been yet.
I tried "being there" for my sibblings. They never wanted or needed my help. It drove me crazy. It hurt more. My brother died a week before his 40 th bday. My older sister was put permanently in a nursing home at age 50, ( she no longer drinks, smokes, or drugs... Because she is locked in there). My youngest sister is still out there spinning. I broke down about 6 mos ago, got her number and called after 13 years no contact, it was a disaster, she's a mess, in an outpatient alcohol treatment program, part of her DUI sentence... But still drinking and using.:codiepolice
I know you have experienced some of the insane pain and misery as I have.
So far in my life, the only real healing has come from within me. I had to admit, powerlessness- over people, family, and addictions. I simply can't control or change them. Neither can you dear one. Every therapist I've spoken too has asked me if I go to meetings, AlAnon, codependants anon, naranon. There's really a fine array of recovery if you want it. Just as your brother, hopefully, finds his way, you can find yours.
Step away from the addicts! Hands off! :codiepolice
Please focus on your own sweet self. We are here with you, and we need you too!
Selfishly, I wish you were a newcomer to my home group.
If you have not tried recovery for yourself, please do. We (my alanon homegroup) suggest you attend at least 6 meetings before deciding if this program is for you or not. If it is not, we'll refund your misery!
Keep posting here. There is hope.

Nichole78

I never realized how much support id truely get here, and it helps that you all totally understand.........thank you so much everyone