tandem545

We've been dealing with my addicted sister for 6 months (though she's probably been doing cocaine for longer). My parents BEG me to come home for my birthday and when I do, all it is is drama with my sister leaving rehab after one night and my parents giving her an "ultimatum" that if she leaves the house again it will be for the last time. Basically, it was all about her. My parents ended up just giving me a card and asking me to go say some words of encouragement to her. I've actually wiped my hands of her awhile back. She needs to take responsibility for her actions and I cannot choose something for her. I usually do not allow her drama to affect my life because I simply cannot withstand that much emotional stress.

I am just really bummed that on my birthday I had to witness that drama going down complete with my mom bawling and saying over and over, "I thought I was a good parent!" Every year they get me a cake and this year there was none whatsoever- they completely forgot because of the attention she takes up. I wanted to have a good birthday, and now I feel like I made a mistake by going home when she was there.

When my sister says "jump" my mom pretty much always says "how high". The night my sister wanted to leave rehab (because supposedly she didn't want to do group therapy) my mom calls me up at 11pm saying there's an emergency and she needs me to come home ASAP. She needed me to drive her to pick up my sister since she can't drive at night. I'm thinking, an emergency is someone in the hospital, someone dying, etc. It is not someone that wants to leave rehab (to probably get her fix) at 11pm at night. There is no group therapy going on at 11pm at night. I feel like my mother has gone crazy along with my sister and has a completely skewed view of things.

Ann

Being bummed out because you were not only neglected, but drawn into unwanted drama, is very valid.

We all get to be self-caring on our birthdays. I didn't say selfish because that's not the right word at all.

I'm sorry it went badly for you, next year remember that it's okay to make your own plans for fun and do whatever you choose, because it's YOUR birthday.

You can't change what happened, but you can learn from it and make it clear you want no part of the drama.

Hugs

Soleus

Hi there, I'm really sorry you didn't have a good birthday : (
Happy Belated Birthday though!! :day2:day6
Yay for March babies, I'm a March baby also : )

Chino

Have you considered asking your parents if you need to become an addict to get their attention? Worked for me when my son asked that question.

1234

Oh tandem. That's the pits. I'd like to give you a piece of cake or two. I looked for one in the smilies box but all of those moving things make me dizzy.

Have you considered letting your parents know how disappointed you are? It sound like they don't have much perspective there, huh?

I vote for making your own birthday plans next year!

Another idea: What about a restaurant party? I've had success diffusing crazy family behavior by meeting on neutral territory, especially in public.

I'm sorry your special day was messed up like that. Addicted families can be awfully sad.

1234

gotahavfaith

Just thought I would repeat this. It is so true. Next year do something for yourself and enjoy the day.

Gotahavfaith

Callie

Have you considered asking your parents if you need to become an addict to get their attention? Worked for me when my son asked that question

Worth repeating Chino!

Happy Birthday Tandem - You are not wrong in your thinking, keep it up. It is what will save you from the chaos of being sucked into the world of addiction.