SugarMag79

I met my husband 5 years ago. He is 10 years clean and sober to date. He used to go to meeting and everything through NA. I've never lived or been around anyone who has been through anything like this. Out of respect to him though there is never any alcohol in the home or things of that nature. He wasn't active in NA by the time I met him, but I hear about how he used to be very active with them. He does a lot of things in the community which keep him fairly busy and my two children from a previous relationship also keep us rather busy too. Lately he has been very moody. More then ususal and he has been having a tendency to put them blame for his actions on everyone else but himself. Someone told me that this is part of who he is because of being an addict. It's just been putting such a strain on us as a family and myself. I don't know if there is something I am supposed to be doing? I don't know about any of this stuff and I don't know where to look for help.

CatsPajamas

Hi sugarmag, and welcome. Having a successful blended family is a challenge. Sometimes counseling helps, and there are some good books out if both of you are willing to do the reading and make some changes.

It's been my experience that attendance at meetings helps to keep that "addictive personality" in check. Unfortunately, your H will have to decide if he wants to start back to meetings... but the good news is that you can find some help and make your own changes if you wish. Are there are any Al Anon or Nar Anon meetings in your area? I found a lot of help and support at face to face meetings.

Again, welcome. We're glad you're here!

SugarMag79

I'm sure it's hard from him after everything he has been through and now having a wife and children. I'm willing to do whatever I can to learn and help. I've tried talking to him about NA in the past. I've asked him why he doesn't go to meetings anymore. He basically stated he didn't feel the need to and didn't have the time. Well since I don't know anything about Al Anon or Nar Anon I don't know if that can be a true statement or not. I'm sure there are Al Anon and Nar Anon meetings in our area, I would have to look. Is it something I should attend? I've never thought about that.....
He seems to channel his addiction in to other things such as video games and community activities. I'm glad he's doing those kinds of things rather then out doing the wrong types of things. I guess I just don't know how to handle the moods that have been happening lately. And when I asked a friend of mine the answer I got was "so when he deals with you, you get the leftover alcoholic" Is this what it could possibly be?

I appreciate everyone's opinions help, and support.

coffeedrinker

welcome to s/r, sugarmag.

my neighbor has been sober for about 25 years. he hasn't gone to a.a. for prob 20 years. for some reason, it seems to work for him. but it is the rare, rare case. don't know your husband, or his patterns, but from what little you have said, my guess is he's in "relapse mode". not meaning he's drinking, or even setting up a drinking episode. but those traits that cause him to start blaming others inappropriately, feel a victim, use poor communication, shut down or isolate are some of things that an addict DOES do before he finally just gives in to the demons and uses. i wish i had a magic bullet to give you. when he is in a receptive mood, could you be a little more direct and speak to him about your concern that he is not handling the current stress of life as well as you have seen him do in the past? and then, go to al-anon. you have a right to talk to him, and you want to be helpful, but you don't want to cross the line into nagging, preaching, whining or coercing.

teke

welcome to sr. i'm a recovering addict and i agree with coffeedrinker. yes, i would be very beneficial to you to attend as many alanon or naranon meetings as possible, keep reading, posting here and keep the focus on you and how you can make life better for you and your kids. you and your family are in my prayers.