Wiggs

Hi there. I'm new here. I found out a week ago yesterday that my husband of 4 months (been together for 7 years) has been addicted to cocaine for the past 6 months. He says he wants to get sober. I want to believe him. He's trying to do this on his own. We don't have the money for detox. He went to an NA meeting on Monaday and felt really good afterwards.

His moods have been erratic. He's loving and sorry one minute but angry and aggitated the next. I know I shouldn't take it personnaly. But that is easier said than done.

Can anyone offer up some advise on what I should expect?

Thanks!

hello-kitty

awww. Wigs. I'm sorry for your situation. I hope you will read everything on this website. And keep posting here.

Learn all you can about boundaries. And remember that addicts lie. That's part of the disease. It's not up to you to save him. You can't. He must save himself.

Your role is to protect yourself from his addiction. The way to do this is too learn all about drug addiction, codependency and boundaries.

As a former cocaine addict with 4 years clean, I want to share the following info with you so you can be prepared:

Cocaine is a very expensive addiction - I encourage you to start putting some money aside in a place where he doesn't have access. Addicts will stop at nothing when the cravings start. Really the mind gets going and there is no stopping it.

Also addiction is progressive. That means that things will get worse and worse the longer he continues to use. And if he stops for a while and then starts again, he will pick up right where he left off and go down hill even faster.

And addiction and recovery from it is a lifelong thing. It doesn't go away. Addiction can resurface at anytime after many years if the addict doesn't stay vigilant and totally committed to recovery.


Alanon is also a great place for you. Maybe you can find a meeting at the same time as your husbands NA meeting and you can both work your own recoveries together. The important thing is that you work your own recovery, whether or not your husband works his.

Good luck to you and your husband. And glad you found us.

ElegantlyWasted

To me there may be alot of stuff going on here. Is he a polysubstance abuser? Stimulant withdrawal can be nasty, but is relatively short. I stopped playing with Bolivian snow fairies about 10 years ago (was a fairly heavy used) but continued a nasty drinking pattern. Despite the commonality of ab addicts underlying reasons to use, there are so many variables that come into play that it basically boils down to the addict needing to figure themselves out on their own (usually w help). Do you have healthy boundaries in place?

Wiggs

Thanks for the support and advise.

As far as I know he doesn't/didn't use anything else. But let's face it, he could be. He told me last Tuesday and then, for whatever reason used again on Thursday.

I've taken all the debit cards (he's on unemployment) and I will be opening my own bank account this week.

He's given me his car keys.

I've told him flat out. I WANT to be able to stand by him and help him to the best of my ability. However, if he isn't serious about wanting to get sober I may have to leave. I don't want to. But I can only give so much before I need to take care of me.

It's so hard not to slip back into trusting him. I've trusted him for 7 years it's natural for me to do. I know that I can't right now. He knows I can't. He knows he can't trust himself either.

coffeedrinker

wiggs,

sounds like a good start on your part. keep coming to this board.

peace,