Denoraphy

This is not a hugh shock to me that he did this. He went in my purse, which was hidden in one of my drawers under some clothes, and took money out of my wallet. I am furious! I am not sure how to respond to him about this and could use some feedback from those who have gone through this with their addicts.

I am thinking that I will ask him if it was worth it, (while I try to stay calm.) Then tell him that I am filing for divorce. Which I am. I was going to wait until after Christmas to tell him that I have already retained an attorney, but I guess he just moved it along a little quicker for me.

I guess I already know what I want and need to do, I just need moral support. Thanks. D

Freedom1990

It's a miserable way to live, isn't it? I lost count of all the money my EXAH stole from me.

I am just so incredibly grateful I don't have to live that way anymore.

Sending you lots of hugs and moral support! :ghug2

tjp613

I don't blame you -- that would be a deal-breaker for me, too. Actually having the need to hide my purse from my HUSBAND would be a deal-breaker!!!

Stick around -- we're here for you!! Good luck with your "talk"!

outtolunch

Having to hide your purse from your husband suggests this is not the first time. Addicts steal from friends and family because we are less likely to call the police and press charges. Instead, we rationalize our inaction because we don't want to ruin their lives. It's our illusion of control.

The whole confrontation thing is also an illusion. We often do so believing this will compel a change. Confrontation is no match for addiction.

Finding the "perfect" time to get off the roller coaster is also an illusion. We want to give fair warning in hopes that it will compel a change, between now and then.

It's absolutely amazing what we will do to protect our own illusions of control over other people.

Ann

In the meantime, you may want to check your bank card and account, look at your check book and see if any checks are missing (often from the middle of the book) and take stock of your jewelery and any valuables.

The stealing, like addiction, gets progressively worse. In hindsight I wish I had charged my son the second time it happened. I'll give anyone one chance, but today that's one more than my limit.

I'm so sorry, I know this all hurts, and I'm sending hugs and my best codie prayers to help you get through it.

coffeedrinker

When I discovered a money lie (something I was selling he acted as middle man and collected $$ for himself) I questioned whether or not this man was a psychopath. I'm serious. I didn't know how one could behave in such a way unless he had no conscience. Now I understand that an addict can, and will, do anything to obtain what he "needs". They act in ways against what their real selves know to be right.

PLEASE change your passwords, protect your money, hide your valuables. And hide them well (for me I dug a hole in the yard, put things into ziploc bag)

Another thing I discovered first-hand is that I was trying to be reasonable with someone out of touch with reason. It will do no good, if you ask me. You will just feel more frustrated, angry, and miserable if you confront him. He will just lie more and it will be fruitless.

Go into protect mode. Tell him about your filing when you know you are safe.

barblsn

Also, check your credit report. My husband applied for credit cards in my name then took them out of the mail. I got a PO box. And I had all my financial mail sent to a friend's house, and she held my checkbook. A pain in the neck, but I was always one step behind my husband until he got arrested.

teke

sorry this has happened but he's an addict and thats what they do. i agree with the others, protect ALL finances and valuables. today money, next anything pawnable. i can't count how much money i've had stolen or how many valuables i've had pawned for cash or drugs. you and your family are in my prayers.