He called
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 26
He called
Last night the ch a bf left me a message. He wants to get together tonight to "watch a movie" or "go out for pizza" or he can cook me a burger and we can watch a movie at my house or his. No word about being out for a month. Just "let's pretend" everything is status quo. He also suggested I just come over between 5 and 6 and he will be ready.
Tonight is my Alanon meeting. I also have a friend who I said I would see a movie with tonight. So that will keep me out of my house till about 9. I am NOT going there, nor am I going to call. I have to be prepared when he shows up at my house tonight, or early tomorrow morning. I am guessing he has no gas in his car, and his brakes were bad a month ago, so he may walk over. I am practicing what I am going to say when he gets to my house. I am not going to call the police. He is not going to be high if he walks over, maybe drunk, but not high. He will leave when I ask him to. He is going to cry. I don't have to invite him in. I will tell him that I no longer trust him and anything he says. I will tell him that I told him 7 mos ago, that I would be done when he picks up and he needs to accept that this is what I am doing. I will tell him that I still love him, but I am no longer going to surround myself with active addiction. I will tell him that I am glad he is not high that second, but I know how it works and it is only a matter of time before he is sucking that pipe again. I don't need to save him. I can't save him. He has to want it on his own and has to actually take action to change and follow up, something he has never been willing to do. I truly believe he is one of those people is unable to be honest. I am not going to relapse on him and I am therefore sharing my strategy with all of you. So Michael Jackson, Scrooge or Amelia? We have only one cinema in my little town.
NC Girl
Tonight is my Alanon meeting. I also have a friend who I said I would see a movie with tonight. So that will keep me out of my house till about 9. I am NOT going there, nor am I going to call. I have to be prepared when he shows up at my house tonight, or early tomorrow morning. I am guessing he has no gas in his car, and his brakes were bad a month ago, so he may walk over. I am practicing what I am going to say when he gets to my house. I am not going to call the police. He is not going to be high if he walks over, maybe drunk, but not high. He will leave when I ask him to. He is going to cry. I don't have to invite him in. I will tell him that I no longer trust him and anything he says. I will tell him that I told him 7 mos ago, that I would be done when he picks up and he needs to accept that this is what I am doing. I will tell him that I still love him, but I am no longer going to surround myself with active addiction. I will tell him that I am glad he is not high that second, but I know how it works and it is only a matter of time before he is sucking that pipe again. I don't need to save him. I can't save him. He has to want it on his own and has to actually take action to change and follow up, something he has never been willing to do. I truly believe he is one of those people is unable to be honest. I am not going to relapse on him and I am therefore sharing my strategy with all of you. So Michael Jackson, Scrooge or Amelia? We have only one cinema in my little town.
NC Girl
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Good Strategy! It is hard to say "No" to them... when my ex asked to come back the last time... I told him "no" ... I just didn't have another round left in me... fighting with the addiction had wore me out. I was at my "done" point.
If you hear from him, stay strong! YOU can do it. YOU are worth it to be treated with love and respect and no disappearing acts! You will be sad for a little while... but eventually it will get better.
Have fun at the movies!
If you hear from him, stay strong! YOU can do it. YOU are worth it to be treated with love and respect and no disappearing acts! You will be sad for a little while... but eventually it will get better.
Have fun at the movies!
Formerly known as soconfused11
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
I saw my therapist on Friday, and I told her that it scares me if/when C finally calls me...(and I answer) and he will make me feel sorry for him...tell me not to give up on 5 years, etc. She told me to have a number handy for the nearest rehab hospital, and give him the number and tell him I can't help him, but they can. Because it is so hard for a lot of us to say no to them, especially when they are hurting.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
NC Girl - I don't really understand the need for the long speech and I want you to reconsider because the longer you talk, the longer he talks, and it only gives him more opportunity for you to get sucked back in.
Open the door (or, better yet, talk thru it) and just say, "I told you long ago that our relationship would be over if you picked up again and it is. Please leave now or I will call the police." Close the door and give him 3 minutes to leave. If he doesn't then call the police.
Open the door (or, better yet, talk thru it) and just say, "I told you long ago that our relationship would be over if you picked up again and it is. Please leave now or I will call the police." Close the door and give him 3 minutes to leave. If he doesn't then call the police.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Seems to be that a recovering addict needs to avoid situations where their DOC or substitute might be readily available.
Seems to be that we co-dependents need to avoid situations that become protracted and feed the never ending illusion of being able to control someone else.
Seems to be that we co-dependents need to avoid situations that become protracted and feed the never ending illusion of being able to control someone else.
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