CatsPajamas

A loved one of mine was recently involved in a violent crime. She was not actually a victim, but she was in the room, with the criminal, and she saw first hand what happened. She talked to the emergency workers and the police. She is understandably upset and is having troubles moving past it. She has tried to talk other family members, and to me. I have done my best to comfort her. Last night she said to me, “But you don’t understand. You weren’t there. You didn’t see the things I saw, or hear the things I heard.”

And you know what? She was right. I don’t understand because I haven’t had an experience like that. And suddenly, I knew what to do. I made a few calls and put her in touch with a Trauma Support Group near where she lives. They have trained counselors, people who have been thru similar experiences who will be able to listen, offer their own experience, strength and hope. They can understand like few others can. She has already called them and I expect she’ll have an appointment soon.

It reminded me how important my recovery friends are to me. Back in the early days of the disease, my life was twirling out of control. I tried talking to my close friends about it. They did their best, but they really didn’t understand. They didn’t have alcoholism or addiction in their house. They offered support and advice, (much of it wasn’t good, by the way…) and they tried to support me. As I shared more about what was going on in my home, some of them started to distance themselves. Not only did they not understand, they really didn’t want to hear about it. That left me feeling more lost and confused and alone.

Once I found Al Anon, I was finally in a room of people who really truly understood me and my life. They had lived thru similar experiences. They understood my confusion, my shame, my fears...they intuitively knew my deepest and scariest secrets about what went on in my house. These were people I could talk to. They would keep my confidences and not gossip about what I told them. They could speak to me from their own experience, strength and hope. They could point me in the direction of good and solid resources to help me. They reminded me what tools to use to get past a particular problem. They helped me to heal.

It’s good to know who you can talk to. And it’s better ~ for me anyway ~ to share my A-related struggles with my recovery friends. My earthling friends just can't understand.

Thank God for Al Anon, thank God for recovery friends like you.

Jody Hepler

This was so true for me in the early Alanon days. I was afraid to tell anyone what was going on in my home - and even more afraid for anyone to know how crazy I was acting and feeling.

But in my first meeting, I heard someone talking about just the things that were "take to the grave" stuff for me. And then another person laughed and said they had done that too. Like they had been looking in my kitchen window.

I learned to trust those Alanon ladies because I truly knew they had been were I was - with the same thoughts and feelings and actions.

And I knew that if the Alanon program worked for them - and they seemed to be happier and more peaceful (even if living with active addiction) - that it could just maybe work for me too.

And 26 years later - it still works.

Thanks for the trip down memory lane.

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

laurie6781

Good for you Cat!! She obviously was having some PTSD and it would only get worse.

I am so grateful, that in this day and age, there are different types of groups that one can join and talk with when theyh suffer some trauma, whether it's an A in their life, seeing a crime committed, being a victim of a crime, etc.

During my years of 'practicing' my addiction I was raped twice and the second time was really horrendous. It wasn't until I was in AA and had an AA sponsor that she gently guided me to the 'rape crisis center' so that I could get help, years after the event. It helped immensely!!!!! However, to this day, out and about, if I 'sense' someone 'big and tall' behind me I will get a 'flash back.' I don't react the way I used to before help, but it is still there and I can feel my whole body go 'on alert.'

Just the fact that we all have found folks, counselors, or groups to share with that understand, I believe has given us the understanding of how important it is to be able to talk with someone that trully does understand and thus allows us to do things like Cat did to help one of our fiends.

Out of chaos and troubles comes gratitude.

Love and hugs,

Ann

Cats, she is so blessed to have you, because even if you don't truly understand, you know how to listen well, you are smart and know who to connect her with just as you did, and you understand about having to work through things, that they don't just go away without work.

I too learned the hard way with my own recovery, at first telling nobody because I was ashamed to be living the way I was, and then telling all the wrong people who also gave me well-intended bad advice.

Sharing our recoveries, here and at meetings, brings us a bond and understanding that earthlings will never "get".

Today I have recovery friends and also some earthling friends, but I don't get the two mixed up when it comes to sharing some things in my life.

You have been one of the many blessings in my life, Cats, and you are one of the friends I know I could share absolutely anything with and you wouldn't run for the hills. Gotta love you for that.

Big Hugs and prayers for your loved one.